One Year

Anniversaries are always weird no matter what they are. It always seems that time flies and yet in some respects goes by so slowly. I can look back over a period of time and see how it went so quickly and yet at the same time feel that the start of it was years ago. Ya know? Time is just a weird deal. It is nearly impossible for me to believe that a year ago today my Dad's life ended. It is even weirder to know that I was in this exact same place when it happened, Nashville Tennessee, Belmont M-fuge. It feels like yesterday. It feels like a moment ago. In some ways it feels like right now. And yet SO MUCH has changed since then. That moment was a Catalyst for so many changes both good and bad. Life looked drastically different a year ago. Family looked drasitically different a year ago. I looked drastically different a year ago.

Time doesn't stop moving. It doesn't wait for you to be okay with the change it brings it just rolls over you as if you weren't even there. I know that God is doing things in me, but I still feel so many times as if I am carrying so many of my own burdens. I wish I was a person who could say, "Blessed be His name no matter what." This is just hard for me. I know that God is good and He is working all things for my good and His glory.

Back to Nashville

Back in Nashville friends for one more go around. I never would have imagined I would be here, Directing the thing I did as a student. I remember going to Centrifuge and idolizing the staffers, seeing their energy and thinking about how cool they were. I wanted to be them one day. Well, I have been them for several years now and now I am the person who is in charge of them. What a crazy and amazing ride. Fuge is just that thing for me that I stepped into and I just knew it was my place. I was made to do this and it has been an integral part of my spiritual growth for the last 5 years. I am now in one of those places where I just realize that it is impossible for me to do this job. I cannot do this job. I cannot Direct M-fuge Nashville. It is much bigger than me. 29 people between the ages of 20-30; 500-600 students and adults a week.
I am humbled and honored to have this opportunity. I dearly miss parts of my life in Fort Worth, namely my roommate. But I know that God has brought me here and I know that He has many things to teach me from this experience. So far it is going well. I am surrounded by an amazing team of servants and lovers of Jesus. We have one more week and then the kiddies come. Pray for me, for strength, for the leading of the Spirit, for my family. It is hard to believe that almost a year ago now my dad died. May 31st may be a very hard day. But God is good.

Gratitude

Its my last night at Southwestern for awhile and the one word that keeps coming to mind is...GRATITUDE! I can't get over how grateful I am for life, no matter how hard it is at times. I am utterly grateful for everything that I have been given because I came into this world with nothing. I have never deserved anything. And yet I feel like I have everything. I am perfectly loved by my family, by my roommate, by my Jesus!
Thank you Lord!

Heaven

I had my first massage today. It was quite possibly the most amazing experience ever. My roommate had talked a lot about how great they were and how she wanted another one and I had never been before, so I decided I would suprise her and we would go. It was money well spent. We did the hour long sweedish (just guessing the sweeds were an intrical part of its development) massage. I will admit it was akward and slightly uncomfortable at first. You know this random stranger rubbing on your unclothed back, but I got over that in the first 30 seconds of those 60 minutes. I then began to drool. I would reccommend this experience to anyone and everyone.

Urgency

It is only by the grace of God that I am what I am. All that I am not is afforded to His grace as well. This place, this year, this life, these experiences, God is using to show me just how close I am to self-destruction if not for His grace.
"For if every transgression and disobedience received its just punishment how wil we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?" Heb. 2:2-3.
I read this today and thought....what if only one of my transgressions received its just punishment?....I would be destroyed. If that is not a humbling thought I do not know what is. If that does not make a person urgent to take hold of their salvation I do not know what will.

Thoughts

At the Village Church last night Ben Stewart was preaching and if you can you should download the podcasts of him speaking the last 3 Sundays because it was AWESOME. It was about Jesus. It seems like that would be the obvious topic of discussion, but it isn't always. This was all about Jesus and it rocked! Last night he read from Colossians 3 and when it got the part about, "set your mind on things above" He said that spirituality begins in the mind. "What we think about we'll care about and what we care about, we'll chase." This is so very true. I know in my life it is.

The Church

Recently I was having a conversation with the college pastor I work for. He has a very northern, out-of-the-box mindset when it comes to church and Jesus, something I find refreshing at times. I was expressing my love for The Village Church and how it is a place I want to look into going. They have a rapid growing congregation and an excellent pastor, Matt Chandler. He, Vince, expressed some hesitation in my desire to go there. When I pressed him as to why he said, "I just think we really need to rethink church. He began to talk to me about the New Testament church, and the period of time between 100-200 AD and how it was the fastest growing time period for the church in all of history. They had no full bibles, no buildings, no lead pastors, no worship leaders, no programs and no heirarchy and when the church began to become insitutionalized, buildings were built (first around 250 AD) that rapdi growth was quenched. He asked, how much of the Village is unintentionally centered around Matt's ability to speak? How many of those members of the rapid growth are just people transfering from other local churches? What would happen if he were to leave? I was defensive at first and then he pointed me to this article and and a book he had read. I have not been able to stop thinking about this idea of church, what did Jesus establish it to be, what did that look like in the early church and how have we gotten it so far off track. I decided to do my systematic paper on the topic and I have been amazed at what I found. Here are some links and books if you are interested this is something very worth our time to research!
Leadership (Winter 2007)- We aren't about Weekends-http://www.ctlibrary.com/41509 (this is about a church 20 minutes from Forth Worth, I hope to visit it soon.
The Forgotten Ways- Alan Hirsch
From the Ground Up- Scott Horrell
The Problem with Wineskins of Today- Howard Snyder

We were talking in one of my classes today about affairs in marriage in how there is a myth that says affairs won't happen to growing Christians...This is what my professor said:
"Satan seeks to attack the credibility of the truth of the gospel."

Not a one of us are above any sin. We can at any time, if we let our guard down, be dragged away and enticed. I am beginning to fully grasp the Scriptures that say things like, "take hold of eternal life" "contend for the faith" "run with perseverance" "stand in it" "cling to what is good"

Kindness

"Therefore, anyone of you who judges is without excuse. For when you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things. 2 We know that God's judgment on those who do such things is based on the truth. 3 Do you really think—anyone of you who judges those who do such things yet do the same—that you will escape God's judgment? 4 Or do you despise the riches of His kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?" Romans 2:1-4

When I judge others I condemn myself because the the very thing I condemn in them I am unable to keep myself. It is not our judgment that leads people to Jesus, but our kindness. It was the kindess and mercy of Jesus that led me to his feet. It is His kindness and mercy that continue to draw me back. Why do we judge? We do we not see that we are the very thing that we hate, the very thing that Jesus spoke so vehemently against? We miss it somehow don't we? We miss what its all about.

Prophecy

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I have never spent much time thinking about whether or not I believe in the gift of prophecy at this point in time. I hadn't encountered it in real life, until yesterday that is. I took some college students to a place called Beautiful Feet. It is an amazing ministry for Homeless people in Fort Worth and they actually have a church. we went to the service to basically hang out with people. It was by the way an amazing church! I sat behind an interesting lady, who was filled with passion and danced during the worship. After the service she turned to me and began telling me all these bizarre things...things about myself. She talked about my gifts, things she saw in me, things I had been praying for. She spoke about how hard I am on myself. I must have looked like someone shot me, because I know my mouth and eyes were wide open in shock. I am not sure how I feel about that experience other than the fact I had never experienced something like that before. I am still in some form of shock!

hostile gospel

I am interested in your thoughts on this so please post comments...
"After we had previosly suffered and been outrageoiusly treated in Phillippi, as ou know, we were emobldened by our God to speak the gospel of God in spite of great opposition." ! Thess. 2:2

Within the gospel of God there seems to be an element that, almost naturally, stirs up opposition and disdain in the soul of man. Why? Man angrily rejects the truth that a free gift has been granted him if only he would take it. What is it in us that makes us that way? Is it pride? Think deeper. What is it that rises up in man when the gospel is given as the truth?

If a man began on a road trip with abosolutely no destination and at some point during his trip he realized he must have a goal. He must at some point decide where he wants to go. Would he then become hostile when the desitnation was revealed to him? Would he reject the one who gave him directions? Is this the sel-made man, or the "nuclear man" as Nouwen called it? The man who makes his own life, his own destiny, even if in doing so he is conforming to one or the other already chosen for him?

Biggest Loser Update...

I'm down 7 lbs baby. Maybe its water, maybe its fat, maybe I'm a weight loss machine!!!! Either way the scale says i'm lighter and on my way to being $90 richer! Only problem is there is a month and a half left...YIKES!

A light dawns
And the darkness cannot consume
For the seeds of righteousness
Begin to bloom
In my heart
and in my soul
Speaking in me the truth
That God is in control.

To Him be the glory in my life as well as in my death!

The Biggest Loser

For some reason I agreed to do the Biggest Loser competition with two of my coworkers. Yesterday was our first day, so we weighed in (not a pretty thing). The competition ends on May 18th, our last day of work. I figure either way, whether I win the $90.00 pot or not, I am a winner. I have a good shot. I am facing two big guys. Right now this doesn't seem like so much fun, lots of excerise, little eating, I'll keep you posted on how its going.

my selfishness hates your selfishness

I witnessed this moment on my flight yesterday that I have been putting a lot of thought into. You know that moment, I mean the very second, the plane has finished taxing up to the gate and everyone shoots up out of their chairs like their seat is on fire? They all the sudden have to get off the plane or they just might die? It never happens that you can just get off, you have to wait till they open the door, but everyone will stand up and get their stuff ready, I guess to save a few seconds. Anyway, this lady two seats up from me shot up and looked at the guy in the row accross the aisle and said, almost panicked, "Excuse me, I need to get my bag down I have a plane to catch in 30 minutes." The guy quickly complied. I then heard a lady two seats behind me say outloud, "Like none of the rest of us do." She said it to no one in particular, but really to everyone around her as if she hoped to find support in her disdain for this first lady.
I started thinking about that situation and about selfishness. The second lady was calling the first lady out on her selfishness, on the world being centered around her needs, but why did the second lady care? It had nothing to do with her, so why did it seem to affect her so? Selfishness is funny like that. If I am not concerned about my own well-being (selflessness) someone's selfishenss has no impact on me. But when another's selfishness begins to rub up against mine, that is when that "second lady" comes out. The selfishness of others is a threat to my selfishness, it rubs against it and makes me say and think things like, "As if she's the only one, I have a plane to catch to." If I wasn't selfish, or so concerned about my needs, lady one's comment would evaporate in the air. I saw more of lady two in myself than I would have liked.

Know thy self

This has been a year of realization and revelation. It has been both painful and powerful, it has been a catalyst for change in my life and in my heart, moving me to places I never thought I would go, strengthing my character, refining my faith in the fire, making me into image of Christ.
Something that has occured to me recently is that it is impossible to know yourself outside the realm of community. They say you don't know someone until you live with them, well I would take it a step further to say you don't know yourself until you live with someone. Its the eyes of other people that see you more clearly than you could ever hope to see yourself that you begin to see things that you never knew existed, both good and bad. You learn so much about yourself when you have someone who knows what you're like when you wake up, when you go to sleep, when you eat your meals, when you've had a hard day, late at night, when you cry, when you're goofy, when you're frustrated, in your every little comings and goings, when you interact with the world around you, when you interact with Jesus....this is the person who knows you better than you know you.
If you are every lucky enough to have a friend/roommate combo like this, one who deeply cares about you as a person, you will begin to learn things about yourself that you never knew existed.
I am THANKFUL for my roommate. She has taught me so much about life, Jesus and myself. She reinforces the good in me I fail to notice and she tells me when I'm being an idiot and couldn't be more clueless. I think this is the definition of community, of brotherly love. My heart is filled with gratitude.

A new way to pee your pants

So, this is both really gross and really funny, enjoy! So today Trey and I were going to go to Walmart really quick and buy a wireless router for my mom. I had some gym shorts on my floor I had worn yesterday so I put them on real quick and we went out the door. Halfway to Walmart (a 15 minute drive) I smelled something funny....then I felt something wet. Not just anything...one of my shorts legs. Yep, doggie pee. SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trey laughed hysterically and said turn around....I was determined not to turn around, but I was severly grossed out the whole trip.; YUCKIE!!

Spring Break 07

I spent my spring break in San Antonio, Texas with 60 college students, 1 charter bus, 9 soaking wet tents and 5 days of non-stop rain. We worked with the homeless in the city. It was an amazing trip for so many different reasons. We stayed in this gorgeous camp ground called Paradise Canyon, set on the Medina River fed by natural hot springs and surrounded by a rock face canyon wall. The only problem was it started raining on our second day, flooded our tents and soaked all of stuff. So all 60 people moved into this small cabin we happened to rent out for the week on the land. I have never seen community build like I saw there, constant brushing up against people formed this amazing bond.
While we were there I started reading this book called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. It is a autobiography of sorts of this guy is living out the Way of Jesus through his ministry to the poor. It is quite fascinated, convicting and down right disturbing. He is doing the very simple commandments in the bible in his daily life, the ones we like to idealize and never actually do, the ones we sit at Starbucks and discuss and never actually put into action. He says this about giving to charity,
"It is much more comfortable to depersonlize the poor so we don't feel responsible for the humna failure that results in someone sleeping on the street while people have spare bedorooms in thier homes. We can volunteer in a social program or distribute excess food and clothing thourh organizations and never have to open our homes, or beds, our dinner tables. I'm just not convinced Jesus is going to say, "When I was hungry you gave a check to the United Way and they fed me, or when I was naked you donated clothes to the Salvation Army and they clothed me." Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love: "you fed me..you visted me in prison, you welcomed me into your home...you clothed me."
Very interesting...so am I, by blogging about this, being another detached Christian who loves to idealize the way of Jesus or am I seeking to change my very nature and act on what I know to be the command of Scripture?

Series of Scripture Part 2

"And the Word became FLESH, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

The Word became flesh!!!!!!! Enough said! Thank you Jesus!

The odd fruit

I have recently seen this fruit everywhere, I have even eaten a few. I started thinking, "Why grapefruit?" I mean it isn't a grape, nor does it favor one in any form of fashion. It is also, not common to define a word with the word itself. Why add fruit to the end of name, isn't it obvious that is what it is?
It would be like naming a cucumber a "broccoli vegetable" instead of a cucumber and that is just absurd.
Any thoughts?