I read this today...

"Not too long ago a priest told me he cancelled his subscription to the New York Times because he felt the endless stories of war, crime, power games anad political manipulation only distrubed his mind and heart and prevented him from mediation and prayer."

"That is a sad story because it suggests that only by denying the world can you live in it, that only by surrounding yourself by an artificial, self-induced quietude can you live a spiritual life. A real spiritual life does exactly theopposite: it makes us so alert and aware of the world around us, that all that is and happens becomes part of our cotemplation and meditation and invites us to a free and fearless response."
Reaching Out- Henri Nouwen

Marriage

My sister got married this weekend. It was one of those times that was so very serile for me. So many worlds collided in one weekend and I had trouble getting my head around what was happening. I am living in Fort Worth, but working at camp in Nashville, but I drove to Clemson where my whole family and many of my friends from college were waiting to watch my baby sister get married. It almost didn't seem real. I think it was good for me and I think in many ways God surfaced a lot of fears of mine and began to confront them right on the spot. I think I have this aversion towards marriage. I am terrified of it and yet on some level, in small moments desire it. When I dwell on the idea of it it makes me feel so uncomfortable and yet a part of me desires it. I have watched Lauren and Trey and seen the miracle He did in her life through that relationship. He used Trey to teach her that love was a good thing, that marriage (good marriage) was possible as well as proper. I have such a long way to go, so many fears to overcome and put aside. I do not want to wake up one day 10 years from now and realize how much I missed out on simply because I was fearful. That seems sad to me.
I love my sister and I am so happy for her and I only hope that one day I am as lucky as she!