Roommate appreciation day...

Seminary has not always been a very easy place to be. It has been challenging and lonely, dark and frustrating. There have been good moments and joyous moments, lessons learned the easy and hard way. Friendships have come and gone, but one thing, other than the constant love of God, has been a consistent saving grace-My roommate. I could write pages about the undeserved blessing that friendship has been to me. God has used her to teach me so much about himself, myself and about life. I am not sure what this experience would have been like without that friendship. It is so true that community and deep relationships are so important. God uses them to refine us and to show his love to us. One day last week we were in the grocery store and I was asking my roommate if she had ever had strawberry shortcake using those round little cake bowls that come in packs. She said yes. I was telling her that my family use to eat those when I was a kid and how much I loved them. A couple of days later she surprised me with them for dessert. That really meant a lot to me that someone thought enough and cared enough to not only hear what I said, but to remember it and to act on it. Deep friendship are such a blessing and I find myself more thankful for my roommate everyday.

You do not have to live long to realize that life can be incredibly difficult sometimes. This, in itself, should be enough to let people know that things are not how they should be. Some of these things that are difficult are simply out of our control; they are the repercussions of the fallen world. Everyone knows what these are like; death, destruction, sickness, poverty, pain. Other difficulties, though they are ultimately a repercussion of the fall, are brought about by our own stupid choices. These are the most frustrating. If things were not hard enough sometimes we make choices that add to our difficulties. This frustrates me about myself. And it is not like I am ignorant. I cannot claim I didn't know better. I have the Word of life in black and white in my hands. I know the good I ought to do and yet I still choose the other. And then, this is the comical part, I seem surprised when the consequence comes. I should not be surprised. I knew better.
I use to be a person of deep faith. I am not sure where I lost it. My desire, my will, my heart feel tired and unaffected by the things of God. I wish I could blame my circumstances, Its just where I am...Its a tough environment, but this is a cop out. Do i think circumstances effect you, of course, but can they be fingered for the blame? No. All things, good and bad, if our focus is in the right place from the outset, will point us to the cross. It is not the circumstances.
I have never been a person who disliked where I was. I have always gone and done, traveled and worked in different places and I have never disliked any experience; that is until now. In a little over a week this semester will be ending and I have a lot of friends who are graduating and if I was honest I wish I were one of them. I have one semester left, 4 classes, 7 months. I do not want to be chomping at the bit to move on. I want to make the most of where I am, to be all here, to experience what the Lord has for me in these next 7 months with joy and faith. I think I have slowly become someone I do not recognize and because of that I have been trying to "get back" to who I was, but I realize this is not what God wants. We can't go back. Every experience we have changes us. God wants us to move forward. There is somebody he wants us to be. There is somebody he wants me to be.