An Odd Conviction

On Saturday my roommate and I went and ran a bunch of errands around the city. Fort Worth, just like any city, has no shortage of people asking for money for everything from personal use to any variety of charities nobody has ever heard of. I cannot remember the last time I have said yes to any of these legit or not so legit requests. We got back home on Saturday, pulled into the driveway and I had just stepped out of the car and turned around and there was a man with his arms in the air walking towards me in my backyard (we park in our gate behind our house). I was startled for sure and since Melanie was on the phone the man approached me to "make his pitch," assuring me he was sorry for the disturbance and he wasn't a creep. He was a young, 19 year old, black man, dressed in a shirt and tie, but somewhat looked as if life had been hard on him. He gave me his pitch, some of which I understood and some not. Basically he was trying to raise money for school through this company where he sells magazines door-to-door. He explained his deep desire to be different, to not be lazy, to try to start over and make something of himself. He told me he knew nobody wanted magazines and that I could buy some and donate them to a children's hospital. He even showed me his least expensive option. Often the nature of these situations allows you to say no and feel less akward about that decision, but this guy was in my backyard and I had no excuses and no outlet. I told him I didn't feel comfortable with the idea. He said he didn't need cash...that I could write a check to the company to feel safe about the money, but I still said no.

Normally I leave that type of situation feeling annoyed or guilty, but not in a convicted way. But hours later, I couldn't shake this one. I felt convicted and sorrowful almost that I had said no because I realized that I always say no. I can I always find an excuse why helping someone who asks for money is not a good idea. I am always the skeptic-"I don't feel comfortable," "What are they going to do with it." "Is this legit?" Or I am just annoyed that I can't pump gas without being hit up for money or that someone asking puts me in a situation where I have to be the bad guy. I realized how hard my heart had gotten to other people. I understand we should be wise and that it isn't always possible to give money to everyone who asks and that in some cases it isn't smart to give money, but I also know that there is something wrong with always saying no and even more than that, there is something wrong with the skeptical negative feelings towards the asker.

I found myself wishing I knew where that guy was, so that I could hand him my precious $20 bill and help him out, but I missed my chance. So, this is what I have decided to do. It is impossible, in those moments, to determine whether someone is legit or not or whether you should give. I do not want to be hard and uncaring, nor do I think its smart to always say yes. I want to be more open and giving and not worry so much about what someone will actually do with it. I want to leave it up to the Lord to place the needy in my path. I am going to start carrying a small amount of cash each month just for this purpose. The money is dedicated to using it for small acts of charity like the one I encountered on Saturday. Once it's gone, it's gone. But it's the Lord's money, not mine and I do not need to worry about the outcome, I just need to be prepared to give. I am hoping that this will free me up (my heart especially) to love people and take advantage of opportunities that the Lord gives me. It's not a perfect plan, but I look forward to seeing what God does with it. I have a feeling, as with most things, that the Lord will use it to do more in me than He will for those the money goes to.