Dog Tease Video

I LOVE this. It has made me laugh very very hard!

July 25th

July 25th. It's the last day of the trifecta of days that are difficult. It is my dad's birthday. He would be 55 today. Even after 5 years it's difficult. 5 years is a long time right? Should it be easier now than say, 3 years ago? I am not sure that while we are here, on earth that is, we ever really stop missing those who come in and out of our lives. I think that is part of the fall. We were not made for death, but now that death is a part of this life it leads a void in us when we find it on our front doorstep. Goodbye was never supposed to be in our vocabulary, but that is the world we find ourselves in. So today, instead of celebrating year 55 of my dad's life, I mourn his death and look towards the future where death is no more.

Top 10 reasons I am ready for Fall

1. Summer in Georgia is WAY TOO HOT!
2. Football season
3. Pretty leaves
4. Pumpkin things....lattes, pies, coffee creamer, pancakes etc.
5. Hiking
6. Amazing temperatures
7. Apple picking and pumpkin patches
8. Fleeces and light jackets
9. The beginning of the holiday season
10. Did I mention pretty leaves and hiking and outdoor things?

Oh Fall cannot get here fast enough!

Why my sister is awesome.

A) She is exceptionally gracious, kind and loving. People adore her.
3) She is extremely smart, but doesn't think so. She will be starting a PHD program in the fall for special ed. She was approached by her Master's professors about applying.
T) She is a great teacher. Her student's love her. She is great at what she does and she loves those kids well even when they are hard to love.
Y) She has always looked out for the underdog. She has always had a heart for the kid or the person on the fringes and she has never cared what anyone thought about her reaching out to those people.
2) She has Bassett Hounds.....3 of them...she had 8 (5 puppies) and now she has 3....and they are funny.
8) She is about to do a 100 mile bike ride with JDRF on July 30th in Vermont. She did a 70 mile bike ride in Tahoe last year to raise money for JDRF and fight back against Diabetes.
hh) She is very creative and very thoughtful. Growing up, she gave me some of the most creative presents I have ever gotten!
X0) She is super funny and very fun to be around. She can always make you laugh.
U) She loves me well and sometimes (especially as a sister) I can be very hard to love.




Thank you sister for being you! For being awesome! For loving me the way that you do!
I love you and I am very thankful for you!

Chick-fil-A First 100 Event!

The Chick-fil-a opening was SOOO much fun. I had been eating at Chick-fil-a a few weeks before with my sister and my friend Heather Lacy (who is a Chick-fil-a addict) and she started talking about how she had gone to one of these grand opening events a few weeks before. As she was telling us about it we all agreed that it sounded like so much fun and that we should go the next one in Georgia, which just happened to be my birthday week. Here is how it works. You arrive at the Chickfila by 6am the morning before the grand opening. They give everyone a raffle ticket and draw 100 names. Those 100 people win the grand prize of free Chickfila for a year....52 free meals. They then draw 10 alternates who move up if any of the 100 leave and then from those alternates left they draw 1 name to win 52 free meals. The trick is, to claim your prize you must stay in the parking lot for 24 hours (until the store opens the next morning). There were 5 of us, which increased our chances of winning. I was the first one called at #63 and I was inside nervous and lonely as they got up into the 90's and nobody else from our group had been called. Finally, Heather (with last minute flare) was called at 97 and then Lauren was called as alternate 108. Lauren ended up being 1 out of only 4 alternates left by the next morning and won the raffle for the free 52, giving us 3 winners and 30ish free meals each. So, for 24 hours we stayed in the parking lot, played games, ate lots of free chicken, sweated to death, played more games, read some books, played more games, sweated some more and slept on the concrete in tents until 4:30ish the next morning.

Here is a picture of our set-up.

Some people are apparently Chick-fil-a Grand Opening pros and have very elaborate set-ups with generators, projectors, video games and even cots, but I think we did pretty good for our first time. The pop-up tent was a life saver! That and we got the money spot in the lot that was behind a high wall with tall trees on the other side and we had a good bit of shade the first half of the day. Some people were in spots with full sun all day and no hope of shade.

A picture of one of the many silly games they had us play. Many of them yielded prizes non of us were interested in (like cheesecake....who wants cheesecake when you have been eating fried chicken all day and sitting in the 100 degree heat?) but were still fun anyway. We were supposed to slide an oreo off our forehead and into our mouths. Lauren was successful, but the only place I slid it too was on the ground.

Here is us the next morning, a little worse for the wear, but lots of free Chicken richer. (not pictured due to no desire to be seen in her condition- Heather Lacy)

This is my I'm in an oversized t-shirt and silly hat, but I just won free chicken face!

Here is us with our spoils!

It really was a lot of fun! We have already looked to see if there are any more close by in the near future. Some of these people are chick-fil-a opening junkies and seem to follow these events all over the country. A couple beside us had attended over 10 of these events. We were even asked by someone if we were going to the one in Texas. I don't think driving to Texas for free Chick-fil-a is very cost efficient, but maybe.....Birmingham?

Birthday Week

I had a fantastic Birthday week. I could not have asked for a more fun-filled, friend-filled week of events. I have great friends and family (both here and elsewhere) that made me feel so special and loved! Here is a breakdown of the weeks events by day.

Monday, July 11th- Stone Mountain Laser Show and Picnic.

This was an event that I haven't attended since I have lived here and have been wanting to go to. They do it every night during the summer and apparently this is the first summer they have "updated" the show since they started it in the 80's. It was really fun. We tried to play frisbee before it started, but it was crowded and I hit an old lady in the arm and she was non too happy about it, so we just sat and talked.

Tuesday, July 12th- Six Flags over Georgia.

I have also not been to Six Flags since I moved to Atlanta. It had been a few years since I had been to a theme park. Amy surprised me and took me on Tuesday. The only downside was that it happened to be the hottest day of the year to date and they were warning people to stay inside, but we thought we would to the opposite and ride roller coasters in the heat.

We were drenched (I was drenched) about an hour in and we were both a little nauseous probably due to the heat and roller coaster motion combo. 3 rides in they shut all the rides down due to thunder, lighting and drizzling rain. I do appreciate their caution because I don't really want to die on a coaster, but I found the bad weather a little unfortunate. We left the park for about an hour and rode around and then came back to see if the rides were back on. They were and so we lined up for the first coaster and after the sent one cart they shut it down again.....more "inclement weather." We stood there for about an hour until they finally decided there was no more thunder (which we never heard anyway, but oh well). All-in-all the bad weather worked in our favor because it cleared out the park and cooled things down. We road everything we wanted to ride and some things twice and then realized we had had enough and didn't want to push the nausea feeling any further. SO FUN!

Taking a break from the extreme heat.

Bumper cars.

Wednesday, July 13th and Thursday, July 14th - Chick-fil-a Grand Opening First 100 Event.

This was SOOO much fun. We (5 of us) arrived at Chick-fil-a in Dallas, Ga by 6am (which means we got up in the 3 o'clock hour) and stayed there, camping in the parking lot until 6am the following morning. Two of us won the raffle and Lauren got an alternate spot and ended up winning the drawing for 52 free meals. After 24 hours of eating free chicken, games, sweating buckets (this day beat the previous day out for hottest day of the year), and camping in a parking lot we each walked home utterly exhausted, but with 30ish free Chick-fil-a meals in hand. It was such a fun and different thing to do....if only it had been cooler. More details to come about this event in my next post.

The gang waiting to get raffle tickets.

Excited faces.

Winners!

Thursday, July 14th- Chick-fil-a, naps, nerts, La Madeleine and The Lincoln Lawyer

We woke up way too early on the concrete on Thursday morning to get in line and collect our prize. The original plan for Thursday was to leave from the Chick-fil-a event and go camping up at Jack's river in North Georgia. But it was so early and we were so tried that we came home and took a nap. The weather was rainy and non-cooperative for much outdoor activity so lunch and nerts it was for some of the afternoon. For dinner Amy took me to La Madeleine, which is one of my favorite places that I haven't been too since I moved from Texas. It is an amazing little french inspired cafe that I first discovered in Texas. I found out a while back that they have 2 in Atlanta, but neither are very close to my house. She knew I have been wanting to go so she took me and she fell in love with it too. It is so yummy!!!!! We then got The Lincoln Lawyer (a movie I have been wanting to see) from the Redbox and watched it at home. It was very good.

Friday, July 15th- The day of my birth!- Blueberry picking, blueberry pancakes, more nerts, birthday dinner and a dessert party.

Since we were supposed to be waking up on the 15th in the woods somewhere and weren't we had to come up with a plan B. We decided to go pick blueberries at a farm about 30 minutes away. It takes a long time to pick a gallon of blueberries....they are tiny...and a gallon is a lot....and we are very selective. They are delicious and we can officially make blueberry pancakes for the next year without running low. So, if push comes to shove and I can't find a job I will be living off of blueberry pancakes and Chick-fil-a.....and by 29 I will be as big as a house. The pancake breakfast (at lunch time) was awesome. We played some more nerts. Late that day Lauren cooked me a meal of my request, which was chicken poppyseed, "dirty" mac and cheese and green beans. It did not disappoint. We then drove over to my house where Amy had set-up a surprise dessert party with some of my favorite people. There was a Coke Cake (YUMMY) also made by my sister, an ice cream sundae bar, some glass bottled Cheerwine, games and presents. It was a FANTASTIC birthday (week)! I felt very loved!

My yummy birthday dinner.

Thank you Amy and Lauren for everything you did this week! I love both of you very, very much! Thank you friends and family that I didn't get to see who sent presents and cards and texts and phone calls. Thank you acquaintances and those I barely know for seeing it was my birthday on Facebook and taking a second to post on my wall....you flooded my inbox with emails....and also made me feel special....all 100 of you.... ;-)

To another year....here we go 29.

Writing for My Mission Fulfilled.

A few months ago an old student of mine emailed me and asked me if I was interested in writing articles for a website run by the WMU. She was not the editor of an initiative called My Mission Fulfilled and they were looking for more writers. I thought it sounded like a fun opportunity so I said yes. The website features articles in 4 main categories related to missional living and targets women in their 20's. Their goal is to help equip women to fulfill their call in Christ. My first two articles have been published there and I am currently working on the third one.
The website can be found by clicking here.
The first one is entitled Community: Exhortation and Impact.
The second one is entitled Poverty and Abuse Among Children: The Facts and The Call.

This has been a really fun thing for me. I enjoy writing and it is an opportunity that just fell in my lap. Check out the website. It has got some neat stuff on it.

A Recap of June and Dreams for July

I find it very hard to believe that it already July. It seems like yesterday that July 2010 was rolling in and I was asking the time to slow down. It really is crazy how time flies by.
In the month of June I was supposed to be in Peru for 3 weeks, but due to my being let go from Grace I was not able to lead that trip and instead spent my time doing other random things.
When I first found out I wasn't going to be going on that trip I really wanted to go somewhere fun. I wanted to get in my car and head out west or up north and see so many of the things that I have yet to see....Niagra Falls, camp in Glacier National Park (dream), hike in Wyoming, etc. Instead I spent it here. I went to North and South Carolina, which is not near as "exciting," but in some weird way it was perfect.
1) In the first part of June Amy's mom came. I got a new ceiling fan in my room (See previous post), and we got a new kitchen faucet and a grill. The grill has been really fun....the 3 times we have used it.
B) We went to the mountains after that, to one of my favorite hikes and slid down Turtleback falls...super fun. There is video footage somewhere....maybe I will work on posting that. But for now here is a picture from the internet.
8) After that it was beach time with the family. My mom and her husband rent a house in Ocean Isle, NC, so we headed there for almost a week and it was a very fun and relaxing time. I managed to not get burned, which is a miracle.
C) After that, came home for a day and it was time to head out to Camp Sunshine in Greenville, SC. This will in the future be referred to as "Little Kid camp" mostly because I was unaware that this camp was only for little kids this week. It was a very fun, very tiring week that did, indeed, remind me why I prefer working with high schoolers. And one of those little "Carrier Monkeys" as Rachel McMichael would call them, gave me their sick germs and I have now been sick for several days.
Lastly) The last Hoorah of June was a whitewater rafting trip down the Ocoee on Thursday. Several of my friends and I bought Groupons for half off rafting in June and went on Thursday. It was very fun and hilarious because of the people who went. A photo can be viewed here.

What did not happen in June?
Well, other than Peru....me finding a job. Yep, still jobless and not sure what the future holds. I am finding it more and more difficult to hold onto the "there is something better out there" mindset, when there is no movement. I also did not win the lottery, but then again I didn't play....so can't complain much about that.

What Dreams are there for July? Well, so far not many. I would love for Fall to set in and stay until November. It is so dang hot here. At the top of the list would be finding a job...preferably, one that I would like to have, not just one that brings in money. There is talk of visiting a Chickfila opening somewhere close to here....maybe this would yield 52 free Chickfila meals...that would be fun. Oh, and it is my birth month. Yep, the big 28. Hard to believe. Not sure where the last few years have gone....doesn't feel like I have done much with them, but maybe that is just the unemployment talking. As always, I am curious about what 28 will hold that the previous 27 did not. I guess we will see.

dog activities.

When your dog disappears from your sight for a while and you hear no noise from her, there are several options as to what she may be up to.

Option # A) She might be sleeping. If your dog is old or tired from a full and rigorous day of laying around then you might find her sleeping innocently in the house somewhere.

Option 2) She might be quietly playing with a toy or chewing a bone back in her lair of solitude, so as to not be disturbed.

Option next) There really is no option next, as there are actually very few activities dogs do other than sleep and play with toys, unless you have a Lassie type dog, who may be out saving humans from utter peril.

Option actuality) Or your dog could be doing this...

I realized the other day that Cali had been missing and way too quiet for the middle of the day and the moment I asked Amy if she had seen Cali, Amy walked into her bedroom and saw this.....Cali sitting among the remnants of what use to be a very nice bath sponge.

House Projects.

For a while Amy and I were lobbying for her mother to come up and visit. Her mom is like the female version of Bob Villa...she is very good at handiwork and we had a running list of things we wanted fixed/added to the house. First on the list was a way to hang the hammock that Amy owns. I love a hammock and if I were to have one, that would be the location I could be found in most days. I mean what better way to spend unemployment than in a hammock, though now it is quite warm (and by that I mean freakin' hot) with no shade in our yard.

Anyway, her mom finally found some time off and came to visit. She successfully completed several projects including; putting in a new kitchen faucet, painting part of the kitchen, planting some plants, and my favorite....hanging a ceiling fan in my room. My room is on the front of the house, which happens to face East and when the sun comes up in the morning it literally feels like I am sleeping in the middle of the front yard. It is so bright and so hot and I am already a very hot sleeper, so the fan is a much welcomed addition. Here is a picture...and I must also mention that Amy helped assemble (parts of) this.

We also found something in Lowes that we believed we just had to have.....a grill. We bought, assembled and then cooked on our brand new grill all in one day. This was very much a purchase on a whim, but one that I have already appreciated (all except for cleaning it.....not a fan of cleaning it).

Amy's mom assembling the grill.

The finished product

Cali enjoying the spoils of the new purchase.

The feast.

The first meal on the grill was quite good, though all the info about grilling times online was terribly inaccurate. I am not the world's best griller yet, but with time maybe I will improve.

Thank you Mrs. Becky for COMING TO VISIT and for all of your hard work! I am impressed with your skills!

Pet Butler

I was driving back from the city today when I passed a truck belonging to a business called "Pet Butler." It was painted green and covered in slogans and info about the business. Curious about what they do? They clean up after your pet. That is right....they scoop poop. Their slogan is "Got Poop? We Scoop!"

Who hires someone to scoop up their pet's poop? Who has that kind of money or enough dogs that that task would just be too much of an undertaking? All you need is 5 minutes and a Kroger bag....and that is only if you clean up once a week. If you do it daily the time diminishes to 1 minute and a Kroger bag.

I was so intrigued that I had to visit their website because of course, they have one. It is ridiculous. It is filled with "poop puns." They even have a section for testimonials. Here is what George R. from New Jersey had to say about their services: "You smell that? Me neither, thanks Pet Butler! :)" They even have a "Pet Butler Turdometer" that keeps a running count of the number of poops they have scooped. And if you are so inclined to join the movement there are franchise opportunities.

I just don't understand why some businesses exist. Call me old fashioned, but I will pick up my own dog's poop.

my first tri

On Sunday I finished my first triathlon. I participated in the 2011 IronGirl near Atlanta. The race is a fundraiser for Aflac cancer center for children. It was a sprint triathlon, which consists of a 1/3 mile swim, 18 mile bike and a 3 mile run. In hindsight....and to be honest, in foresight, I should have trained, but I really didn't. I only did 2 of those activities in the same day 3 times and with large breaks in between and I never did all 3 activities in the same day. I swam maybe 6 times, biked twice and ran maybe 10 or so times. Before the race I was the most worried about the swim because I have never swam like that before and as it turns out I should have been. The swim was awful. I got maybe 3 sets of strokes in and could barely breathe. People later said that the swim was much worse than it has been the past....something about the current being bad this year. I don't know the reason...I just know it was bad. I finished it without drowning and was on to the bike. Now I don't really like biking. I try to, but I hate biking up hills. As it turns out, however, the bike was my favorite part of this race. I did really well in it, biked it really fast and passed tons of people, which made up for my bad swim time. It was a very pretty bike course, which helped also. I had not done a transition from biking to running ever and when I finished and stepped off the bike in transition I almost fell over. My legs felt like jello. I had to pull myself together though because I was about to have to run 3 miles. I greatly appreciated the people who made that 3 mile run mostly uphill....that was real sweet.
I did finish though and they named me an IronGirl as I passed over the finish line and adorned me with a bright pink medal. Overall, it was pretty fun. My roommate came and was an excellent supporter...cheering us on and taking pictures to update my facebook status, which makes it look like I carried my phone during the entire race to give my "followers" the play-by-play.
Here are some of the pictures. Pictures of my in the swim cap will not be appearing here or anywhere else in public space....they are pretty rough. Below is transition 1 between the swim and bike.
I think this picture is hilarious. Amy didn't mean to take it, but it is after the bike before I headed out on the run. I was eating a GU, which turned out to be nasty. It tasted like I was shoving melted tootsie rolls in my mouth and the last thing I wanted right then was melted tootsie rolls. The face is priceless.
Here is the all done photo. I was very glad to be finished. There are more pictures on facebook of the event.
I feel pretty accomplished this year. Since last May I have completed my first 10k, half marathon, full marathon and triathlon. I never planned it that way, but that is what happened. I've really enjoyed it.

i love my dog.

I love my dog. She is the cutest and sweetest. She is a faithful friend, a gifted sleeper, a great snuggler and super smart. Lauren says she is too smart to be so bad and sometimes she is bad. But most of the time she is just a good girl. I always wanted a dog and I ended up with a good one. She use to hate her crate. She would salivate the moment you put her in it and when I would return the crate, and she would be soaked...gross. Now she is so good in her crate. Below is a picture of her today. I was working at home in the office and she just got in her crate and curled up to take a nap. So cute!

pictoral representations.

It is difficult to be in a place where you do not know the language. You can't communicate with people. You can't read signs, or labels or menus. This is why I appreciated places that not only had words, but visual representations of those words. Pictures are a lot more universal than languages. I found this picture below to be particularly helpful. I am not sure I would have known how to proceed without it.

Thank you Amsterdam airport....just another way you have raised the bar on customer service. Except, next time you might want to show the water not shooting away from the stick person.

Fishing with Lauren's kids

Three weeks ago, Lauren invited me to go fishing with her special ed class....it might have been one of the most amazing things I have ever been a part of. Some of them were scared to death of worms. Some of them were scared to death of fish. None of them could cast or bait a hook. One kid in particular just liked to continuously reel his in. But every kid caught a fish and most kids caught multiple fish. It was a GREAT!!!!

Yummy Strawberry Cake

Something great happens in April around these parts.....the Strawberry fields open. They are within walking distance of my house, which is very exciting. I love this time of year. I love going and getting a huge bucket of amazing smelling, giant strawberries for $10. We just finished our second bucket already. Last year we found this amazing cake recipe that we used some of strawberries to make and this year we have already recreated this once. If you like strawberry cake (or any cake with cream cheese icing), you will love this.

You can find it by clicking here.

Homemade Strawberry Cake

Adapted from Paula Deen’s Hummingbird Cake

Nonstick vegetable spray
All-purpose flour, for pans
3 cups self-rising flour
2 cups granulated sugar
3/4 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 cup pureed strawberries, strained*
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
1 teaspoon lemon zest
4 large eggs, beaten
red food coloring**

Directions:

- Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Spray and flour three 8-by-2-inch round cake pans, tapping out excess flour; set aside.
- Prepare the cake batter; in a large bowl, stir to combine self-rising flour, sugar, oil, pureed strawberries, vanilla, lemon zest, and eggs.
- Divide batter evenly between prepared pans, smoothing with an offset spatula. Bake, rotating pans halfway through, until the tops spring back when gently pressed with your fingertips, 26 to 28 minutes.
- Transfer pans to a wire rack to cool 10 minutes. Invert cakes onto wire rack. Re-invert cakes and let them cool completely, top sides up.
- Prepare the cream cheese frosting (recipe below); frost as desired and refrigerate until ready to serve.

* You can use fresh or frozen strawberries. If you use frozen, let them defrost on a cookie sheet. Then place in a food processor and pulse until pureed. Run through a medium-sized strainer to remove the seeds. If you have some extra strawberries, try whipping up a quick batch of strawberry scones!

** While I did manage to avoid using red colored gelatin, I did add some food coloring to achieve that perfectly pink color. If you don’t care about getting the pink color, feel free to leave it out. I used about 5 drops, but you should add them one at a time until you achieve the color you are looking for.

Cream Cheese Frosting

1 8oz package of cream cheese, softened
1 stick of butter, softened
1 tsp. vanilla
~ 3 cups (approx. 1 box) confectioners sugar (powdered sugar)
1 TBL milk (if needed)

Directions:

- Beat cream cheese and butter together until smooth.
- Slowly add the sugar in 1 cup batches until desired sweetness is achieved. You may need less than 3 cups if you like your frosting less sweet.
- Stir in vanilla. Add milk slowly if you need a looser consistency.

a surprise ending

I have always kind of liked surprise endings. Some surprise endings are good...while others are bad. I am always impressed in the movies when something completely unpredictable happens in the end. Lately, I have realized how often there are "surprise endings" in life. Most of the time days go by in a normal, predictable fashion, but we have no idea that tomorrow is going to throw us this massive curve ball that we never saw coming. The month of April came with a surprise ending. I spent some time in Europe visiting old friends and traveling around, which was amazing. It was one of those highlight of the year experiences. I got back from that trip and went back to work, assuming my new role in the student ministry at Grace and jumping back into emails, phone calls and planning. I worked 3 days and at the end of the 3rd day I was called into an impromptu meeting with my boss and head pastor and I was let go. A surprise ending. I never saw it coming, but who really ever sees something like that coming? I was shocked, and still am. It has been 3 weeks since that day and I have run back and forth through the full gamut of emotions so many times. I have done the "Why me?" and the "This isn't fair!" and all the other things you think. I have had 1000 conversations in my head with the people who let me go, thinking of all things I should have said (most of which are better unsaid). Mostly, I miss people. I miss my coworkers...some truly great people that I love. I miss my students and wonder if they wonder why I just suddenly disappeared. I am sad to have spent over a year doing something I didn't love, to have finally moved into something that I do love and to have lost the opportunity so quickly. The reason for the pink slip was financial, but no reason ever really makes you feel better.
In the days following the event I received lots of emails, texts and phone calls, which have been a great encouragement to me. I have been well supported by my family, friends and coworkers and have felt loved in a time of uncertainty and despair. In all of this the Lord has provided several conversations and people who have been able to lay a foundation of hope underneath the present feelings of sadness. This is a place where there is huge opportunity for lies to be spoken and to take root, which means it is also a place where truth can be spoken and I blessed to have some good people combating those lies with exhortation. I do believe that the Lord is leading me to something "better." Something that is a better fit for me....something that is more in line with my gifting....something that He has uniquely wired me to do. I think that in a few months or years I will look back and be amazed at how this "surprise ending" has led me into a greater story. Right now I am still grieving....moving forward, but still grieving. What is it that Matchbox Twenty says?....."Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." I suppose we will see.

The Amsterdam airport/security process in full review:

1) When we landed we taxied so long I thought that maybe we landed in Germany and were slowly making our way over to Amsterdam. It was so much time that Amy was able to take another very good nap before we got to out jet way.
2) Starbucks in America is expensive, but Starbucks in Europe is robbery. The drinks are priced higher to where even if the dollar was on par with the Euro a latte would still cost more, but if you throw in the fact that the Euro is 1 and a half times stronger than the dollar, your already expensive Chai Tea Latte will cost you $7.50.
3) Do not worry about buying a drink you plan on taking on your next flight or filling up your water bottle, you will be required to dump out all liquids an innumerable amount of times.
4) Do not think that your ticket or the electronic screens are incorrect when they tell you your boarding time is an hour and a half or more before your scheduled departure time….it is not incorrect. It will take you every minute of that time to get through the rigorous security process, which I will explain below.
5) You arrive to your gate area to find all of the seats empty and a VERY long line. You promptly assume that this is the line for a flight leaving before yours (as any thinking person would, considering it is a very long time before your flight takes off). However, your assumption is incorrect and you find yourself at the back of this VERY long line, which you then promptly notice, is not moving.
6) Half a lifetime later, you find yourself at the front of the line on the other side of a roped off area of “interrogation podiums.” Before you are let through the rope area you are asked if you are traveling alone or with someone. If you are traveling with someone they two of you are given a pre-interrogation interrogation, including questions like; “How long have you known each other” and “Have you been with them your entire trip?”, to which I would love to respond, “Well there was this one time she went to the bathroom without me, does that count?”
7) Once that interrogation is over they let you through the rope, direct you to your podium and take your passport and boarding pass for the first “swipe in.”
8) Once they have allowed you some time to sweat it out at the podium, they join you and begin asking you another series of questions about your trip, your relationship and your luggage handling while in the airport. (Some sidebar commentary: I think this is an exercise in futility. If I am a terrorist of if I am carrying things that I should not be transporting on a plane I will likely not answer “yes” to questions like, “Have you accepted anything from anyone that was not yours?” or “Have you let your bag out of your sight?”
9) Once you sufficiently answer their questions and they believe you are not a threat to national security they put you in the next security line, where you will dump out your water, AGAIN, take off your jacket, shoes, belt, etc…empty your pockets, put your bags back through the xray machines, step through the “swivel around your body” X-ray machine and then get a pat down. All of this mind you, after getting straight of a plane from another country where you just did this whole routine. I mean, I can see the water fountain I filled my bottle up in from here, do I really need to dump it out….in the same fountain?
10) Once you and your bags have been thoroughly X-rayed, scanned, patted down and violated, you can then take your seat, wait there aren’t any, in the small gate area, but don’t get too cozy, because you only have 10 minutes before the plane boards, even though you arrived at your gate nearly 2 hours before now.
11) After you are rested from your 10 minutes of sitting you will join all of humanity in the small gate area and herd your way like cattle down the world’s longest jet way to the seat you will spend the next 10 hours of your life in. Happy day.
12) Don’t worry, if you are still nervous and feel like this process might still not have led to a safer America, you will repeat all of this in the Atlanta airport, including picking up your checked luggage and sending it, as well as yourself back through security and X-rays…..so that you can get in your car…….and drive to your house.

In honor of being in Prague...

the world's smallest smoking closet?

If ever I thought that the smoking room in the Atlanta airport was bad, the one in the Vienna airport in Austria is far worse...I think you could watch the years tick off your life just standing close to it. Someone opens the door and smoke comes pouring out. Yuck.