the next step

"What if this next step, this leap of blind faith, this starting all over on your own, was the begining of the rest of your life? What if that is exactly where you find your life."

I'll admit, I may seem as if I have it together, that I am okay with move and change and shifting paradigms, but that is not always the case. This decision, this move to Texas, this massive change of all I know has been the hardest step I have ever taken. I was spending time with one of my favorite people in the world back in May (When I was headed to either Denver or Seattle for school) and I was unreservedly expressing my fear of this next step and she said those words above to me. A.J. maybe this is where the rest of your life begins! I have held on to those words tightly. I have clung to them when things have been tough. Focker, you are a very wise woman and I am so proud to call you sister!
When I first got here I found myself looking around saying, "How am I supposed to find life here? Even the grass is dead and crunchy." But slowly, God has been doing something. He has been bringing me back to life. I had no idea how dead I had gotten, how numb, how selfish. God help me if I had gone to one of those other schools. Without fail, everytime I have a bad day here, something happens to encourage me, to make me so, "Okay, I can do this. I can stay." Job offers, scholarships, opportunities, all of it is coming at me and I'm not really sure why. I don't feel like I have done anything to deserve a blessing in a really long time. I am reminded in those moments that God is leading my life. His word says, "Many are a plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." I get the feeling more and more that being here is a huge part of the rest of my life and I am learning to trust that the One who created me can carry me.