The "Real World"

I have entered the full-time work force. I have lots of jobs, in lots of place, doing lots of different things, but I have never had a 9-6 Monday through Friday. What an adjustment! I accepted the Supervisor position for the after-school program I have worked at for two previous years. This is also the longest I have worked for one place. How did I get to age 25 and never work somewhere for more than a year?
Anyway, I am working between 30-35 hours per week. This has been an adjustment. I have said so much the last year or more that I am tired of this fragmented life; this life lived in sectors....ya know, the school sector, the part-time job sector, the friendship sector. I have been in school my whole life and I am ready to be able to have a career and put all of myself into one thing and plant roots in one place, working with and investing in specific people. This is still true, but man it is nice to have free time during the day between classes, to go and do, to run errands, to relax. A full-time job pushes that out the window. I have no idea how parents do it. When do they do anything for themselves? I have a whole new respect for my Mother!
Though I am not a school day teacher and I am not employed by Morningside Middle School, it is as if I am a school day staff member. Working at Morningside for two previous years has given me a great foot in door with relationships with school day staff. It has also proven to be very effective in leading the kids that come to our program. The after school program is designed to influence kids in a positive way during the time of day the stats show they get into the most trouble. I am so excited about this opportunity and I see more and more the vision that God has for my life and the gifts that He has given me. I have loved this ministry. I have loved working with inner-city kids and I could really see myself doing this kind of "youth ministry."
We have started off so well this year. I have two great returning staff, and two great new staff. We are busting at the seams with kids, almost to the point where we cannot take anymore.
Though the program is funded to keep kids out of trouble, we hope to change kids lives for here and eternity. I will keep you updated on how that is going!

a true mouseketeer

My first day back into my office was in the middle of August. I came up to the school to check on things. As I walked around I noticed one of our bookshelves was covered in this powder substance and a whole lot of mice remnants. When I say "a whole lot" I mean A WHOLE LOT! Apparently a bag of flour was placed in a garbage bag and put on the shelves for summer keeping. First off, if a mouse can chew through the flour bag, he will find the garbage bag a joke. So, anyway, all of these clues alerted me to a mouse problem in my office. So, last week I asked the custodian for a little mouse trap, which I placed on those shelves with a piece of granola bar. The trap went untouched for over a week.
Then suddenly, yesterday I was working at my desk and I heard a noise. I looked to my left, where we have this large metal file cabinet and a metal cart. Out of the corner of my eye I catch the back end of a little mouse jumping down off the cart and running in between the cabinet and the wall. I lept out of my chair and started the hunt. I had nothing but a round tupperware dish and my keen eye sight. I tore the room up and found nothing, so I decided to move the sticky trap to that area on the floor. I came in the office this morning reluctant to check the trap and sure enough there was Mickey, stuck as could be. My first instinct was excitement and my second was total sadness. It was awful to see him stuck to that death trap. He was so tiny and he was trying with all his might to pull himself off, but he couldn't. So, I knew I couldn't just let him die that slow miserable death. I picked up the trap, put it in this box and carried through the school to find the janitor to help me get him off the trap without killing him. Of course the janitor's response was, throw him in the dumpster! This was not an option, I was determined to save the little guy. So, I took him outside to a field and tried to get him off with a stick...this was a total failure. Suddenly I knew the only way that thing was coming off was if I grabbed him myself and pulled him off. You more than likely thinking at this point, "What is wrong with her? Please tell me she didn't!" Well folks, I did. I took my fingers, grabbed the little mouse and pulled without hurting him until he came off, which wasn't easy by the way, those things work. I sat him in the grass and he buried his head in a little ball as fast as he could. He was so tiny and so scared and I felt like an evil human. I understand we can't have rodents infesting buildings, and if it had been a large scary rat I might have done differently, but after watching the poor little thing struggle I just couldn't.
Call me crazy, call me gross, call me weird, I don't care. The little mouse lives another day!

Plane ride conversations

I got to fly to Atlanta afterall this past weekend. I had an amazing time with family for my sister's birthday. She is fantastic. She turned 23 on Saturday and it is hard to believe. I couldn't be more proud of her. She is married to an amazing guy, she has a beautiful house, a full-time job and two dogs. In most ways she has entered the adult world much faster than I have and I am learning a lot from her.

Other than a great weekend I had the neatest experience on the plane ride home. When I check in I always check to see what seat I am in. I was in the way back by the bathrooms and as fun as that sounded I decided to change seats to one closer to the front. I sat down next to this guy and we began talking. It turned out he is a camera guy for NBC The Today Show. I have become a pretty regular Today Show watcher so I was super excited about this encounter. He was on his way to Texas to try to get as close to the Ike aftermath as possible. They were supposed to land in Dallas and drive all night to Houston to set up by 3:00 am. We talked the whole way to Dallas about all kinds of things. He showed me behind the scenes photos of the conventions and McCain's exclusive interview, the Gustav aftermath, etc. He told me stories of being in Afghanistan after September 11th. I told him what I did and what I wanted to do. It was awesome. You never know who you are going to meet on a plane.

Hurricanes and Life Interuptions

There are many things I did not know about Texas before I moved here. I imagined hot and dry weather on miles and miles of dirt land and rolling tumbleweed. I admit it was a naive stereotype, but I just didn't know. Who knew Texas got hurricanes? I mean I am from the South East coast...hurricanes are a part of life there. Who knew Texas got spring storms that spawn of tornadoes as much as rabbits have babies? I certainly didn't know.
My roommate was supposed to be the Maid of Honor in a wedding in Lake Jackson, TX on Saturday. Lake Jackson is a coastal area near Houston. So the poor girl and guy had a shot-gun wedding last night and are now spending their first day as a married couple evacuating. Talk about a rough start.
I had a trip planned to Atlanta for this weekend to see my family and celebrate my sister and Mom's birthdays, but now that is up in the air.
My roommates family is evacuating with the pets up here to Fort Worth today. they live in the South East Houston area. IT should be an interesting weekend.
Of course Global Warming (which indirectly means President George Bush) is blamed for this. This is absurd of course to any rational, thinking being, who realizes that our need as a culture to place blame somewhere is ridiculous. When will we realize how little control we have? When will we realize that we are like flowers, that whither and fade? When will we realize that we are not in charge of this world? If people have managed to make it to adulthood without realizing these things it is likely they never will.

Cheap furniture 101

There are moments in life that make you feel good about being you. Ya know? Those moments when you know the answer to a question and nobody else does. Or those times where something is going wrong and you sweep in and with charisma (and humility of course) provide the solution every was looking for. I always enjoy the moments where someone asks me if I am in college and I get to say, "Why, I'm not in college. I am in Grad School" and I search the askers face for a sign that they are impressed.
There are also moments in life that make you feel like you should be back in kindergarten learning the basics of coloring in the lines. You think, "there is no way I'm in grad school" and "thank the Lord, nobody saw me do that." I feel as if I have more of these moments than the former. Today I set out to put together this bookshelf I got from Ikea, the world's leader in foreign, trendy, cheap furniture. They give you step-by-step instructions and they are really very simple. Its a bunch of boards, some wooden pegs and a screwdriver...a child could do this, really. So, I put this thing together, at a lightening fast speed. I took it into my room, set it where I wanted it and gasped as I saw my mistake. I had put not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 pieces on wrong, with the colorless backside facing forward. So, now I have two options 1. take it all apart (which i don't think is possible) 2. buy some paint. So much for easy assembly.

Animal lover

Maddie

Bailey

Maddie and Bailey

I have always been an animal lover, but recently I have noticed a drastic increase in my desire to be a pet owner. Maybe its from being out on my own away from my family pets, maybe I'm just getting older or maybe I'm just obsessed. I want a dog, but not just A dog...I want every dog I see, and cat for that matter. Every time I see a dog I say things like, "Ooh a dog" or "Look a dog" or "can I have that dog" and a myriad of other phrases. I start talking to it like its a baby. Is there something wrong with me? My sister and mom both think I should forget about youth ministry and open a dog shelter (though the two are similar in some ways, just kidding). I, along with millions of other Americans, was outraged by the Oprah special on puppy mills and decided I needed to adopt a dog and I needed to do it now. Of course I cannot because the seminary doesn't allow it, though they should. I am a frequent visitor of the Fort Worth Human Society, which is a dumb idea because I go and of course I want dogs, all of them and I can't even have one of them.
One day I will have a dog...let me rephrase...I will have lots of dogs. I think people should adopt dogs...not buy them, but adopt them. There are shelters all over the country that have pure breeds if that is what you want. Too many perfectly good dogs are being killed everyday. And the thing that gets me fired up the most is how many of the dogs in shelters are there not because they are strays, but because their owners gave them up. Why are people dumping their dogs? On Craigslist there is a whole slue of dogs being surrendered by their owners...why? Dogs are part of your family. They are a member, entrusted to you. Why would people do that to their pets?

Anyway, I want to rescue dogs from shelters. My sister and brother-in-law recently rescued a dog to add to their family. They had one Basset named Bailey and they rescued another one from the National Basset Hound rescue named Maddie! I was so excited! This dog that didn't have a home and had been shuffled around all over the place, now has a loving family. Dogs are wonderful gifts! I am itching for my chance to saev one!

Colorado and New Mexico!

The Miraculous Staircase

The Native American Market

The Oldest House in Santa Fe

Random Elk

Rocky Mountain State Park

Say "No" to School

The moment has come. The summer is ending today. Though the official season is not ending, school starts tomorrow and to me, that is the official ending. I cannot complain, however, it was an amazing summer. It was the first time I got to choose the things that I would do with my time and that was a weird experience. Although, I still feel like I am deciding what I want to do with the time and it is already over. I had a lot of fun, ate a lot of good food, traveled and relaxed. Here is a list of my summer's top happenings.

1. Colorado/New Mexico Trip with the Stuff family. I visited 2 new states (Kansas and New Mexico)
2. Watching my friend Katie Hogue become Mrs. Mark Smyers! I love them both dearly!
3. Going to the beach in Galveston, TX
4. My Birthday....the Whole thing made possible by my roommate!
5. Going to the Concert in the Botanical Gardens
6. Watching seasons of 24
7. 4th of July cookout, Catz baseball game and amazing fireworks with Melanie, Adam and Donald
8. Snow Cones....lots of snow cones
9. Six Flags and Hurricane Harbor with my students
10. Reading Books not required by school!


As school begins there are many things to look forward to and here are a few of those.

1. Being the Supervisor for my after school program
2. Houston for Labor Day!
3. Going to Atlanta to see my family on my sisters birthday!
4. Going to a Clemson game for Melanie's birthday!
5. The Coldplay Concert in Dallas!!!!!
6. Thanksgiving with the Stuff's
7. Graduation with my Master's degree!!!!
8. San Fransisco with my roommate!!!!!

So this is what the summer is like...

So...since I was a high school graduate I have spent every summer in the "camp world." I was a rising high school senior the last time I had a summer to just work a normal job in the place that I lived. A lot of thing factored into my decision to forgo another summer of camp life. This was a hard decision in that it has been a way of life for me...it has been something that has shaped and molded me in a way that nothing else has, and part of me will always miss it and never want to stop. However, I was ready for a summer to stay where I live, to be all there, to relax a little, not be so stressed and hang out with my roommate and other friends. It has been a wonderful decision, one that I have not regretted at all. I have read and relaxed and worked and played. I have watched a Season of 24, gone to the beach in Houston, seen a dear friend get married (I have missed nearly every friends wedding due to camp life), slept in, gone to a concert in the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens and there is much more fun to come.
Here's to my first summer free.

random updates

It may seem that I have given up on the blogging world. I have found myself on somewhat of a furlow, writing every now and then, so we have a lot to catch up on. The past couple of months have been quite eventful. First things first. Melanie and I decided to move. We researched, found a place, paid some money, signed some papers, changed over all of our utilities and mail, packed up our ENTIRE apartment, picked up our keys and the night before our move-in-date decided we didn't want to move. We saw the apartment and it was nothing like the model (word to the wise: push to see the actual apartment, even if they push back and do not sign until you do, shockingly they look and smell nothing like the model). We got kind of sentimental after we discovered that our new apartment smelled like a smoky hotel and their were beer caps on our porch. You think after months of "getting the apartment read" they would have found a moment to pick up the beer caps and throw them away. So after a couple of tears, a lot of phone calls, some lost money and a lot of cleaning and unpacking we are still on Sandage Ave and we couldn't be happier.

I finished my 4th (2nd to last) semester in seminary. It wasn't a bad one. There is an edge of excitement as I move closer to finishing, but there may be in a me a greater edge of nervousness and sadness. I am nervous that the end of this experience will be a lot harder and sadder than I originally thought. Regardless of how wonderful or not wonderful this experience has been, it has still been just that, an experience...it has become my life for the last 2 years and familiarity is almost always difficult to give up.

May 31st marked the 2 year anniversary of my Dad's death. It also marks the anniversary of the beginning of the 2 hardest years of my life. So much has happened. I miss him. I would give anything to have him back.

I watched Oprah's follow-up show on puppy mills and I am inspired, now more than ever before, to rescue dogs....lots of dogs. I think that dogs are one of God's greatest creations.

This is all for now...more to follow very soon.

Roommate appreciation day...

Seminary has not always been a very easy place to be. It has been challenging and lonely, dark and frustrating. There have been good moments and joyous moments, lessons learned the easy and hard way. Friendships have come and gone, but one thing, other than the constant love of God, has been a consistent saving grace-My roommate. I could write pages about the undeserved blessing that friendship has been to me. God has used her to teach me so much about himself, myself and about life. I am not sure what this experience would have been like without that friendship. It is so true that community and deep relationships are so important. God uses them to refine us and to show his love to us. One day last week we were in the grocery store and I was asking my roommate if she had ever had strawberry shortcake using those round little cake bowls that come in packs. She said yes. I was telling her that my family use to eat those when I was a kid and how much I loved them. A couple of days later she surprised me with them for dessert. That really meant a lot to me that someone thought enough and cared enough to not only hear what I said, but to remember it and to act on it. Deep friendship are such a blessing and I find myself more thankful for my roommate everyday.

You do not have to live long to realize that life can be incredibly difficult sometimes. This, in itself, should be enough to let people know that things are not how they should be. Some of these things that are difficult are simply out of our control; they are the repercussions of the fallen world. Everyone knows what these are like; death, destruction, sickness, poverty, pain. Other difficulties, though they are ultimately a repercussion of the fall, are brought about by our own stupid choices. These are the most frustrating. If things were not hard enough sometimes we make choices that add to our difficulties. This frustrates me about myself. And it is not like I am ignorant. I cannot claim I didn't know better. I have the Word of life in black and white in my hands. I know the good I ought to do and yet I still choose the other. And then, this is the comical part, I seem surprised when the consequence comes. I should not be surprised. I knew better.
I use to be a person of deep faith. I am not sure where I lost it. My desire, my will, my heart feel tired and unaffected by the things of God. I wish I could blame my circumstances, Its just where I am...Its a tough environment, but this is a cop out. Do i think circumstances effect you, of course, but can they be fingered for the blame? No. All things, good and bad, if our focus is in the right place from the outset, will point us to the cross. It is not the circumstances.
I have never been a person who disliked where I was. I have always gone and done, traveled and worked in different places and I have never disliked any experience; that is until now. In a little over a week this semester will be ending and I have a lot of friends who are graduating and if I was honest I wish I were one of them. I have one semester left, 4 classes, 7 months. I do not want to be chomping at the bit to move on. I want to make the most of where I am, to be all here, to experience what the Lord has for me in these next 7 months with joy and faith. I think I have slowly become someone I do not recognize and because of that I have been trying to "get back" to who I was, but I realize this is not what God wants. We can't go back. Every experience we have changes us. God wants us to move forward. There is somebody he wants us to be. There is somebody he wants me to be.

The Core

I started this core plan diet through weight watchers with my roommate this week. You can eat as much as you want, but you can only eat things on this core foods list. As you could probably guess, core foods are very natural, non processed items.....items we eat sometimes, but not most times. You can eat fruit, vegetables, most lean meats, fat free dairy, and a whole list of things I have never heard of much less eaten. We went grocery shopping and it was not easy. The hardest part for me was the cereal isle. You turn the corner on the cereal isle and before you is a mile long sea of choices that could leave your head swimming if you were incredibly indecisive. I love cereal; i get this from my mom. We could eat cereal every meal of the day. But of this mile long sea of cereal, do you know how many choices you have on the core plan? 2....I found two. If it wasn't bad enough that you can only have one bowl of cereal a day...there are really only 2 choices. Shredded Mini-wheats with no frosting and no sugar and Kashi puffed 7 grain wheat. Now I was optimistic that with a banana and a positive attitude these choice cereals might not be that bad.....I was wrong. The mini wheats tasted a little less like hay only after adding Splenda. The Kashi....well lets just say there may not be enough Splenda in the world to make that taste good.
Lets just face it, you can't beat Frosted Flakes, Honey Bunches of Oats, Lucky Charms, Special K fruit and yogurt, Cocoa Krispies and any other childhood favorite. So, enjoy your cereal this morning and be thankful.

I am not an Oprah follower, as I know many are. She is famed and revered by so many people and now her new reality show The Big Give has gained her an even larger viewing, if that was even possible. I have watched the show twice and I have found it really cool to watch these people giving to total strangers. Something happens in the human heart when we do what the Scriptures have told us to do, even if we are unaware that they have said so. Last night on the show each contestant was given $100,000 in Miami, Florida. They had 24 hours to give it all away and they couldn't give away any cash, they couldn't give any one person more than $500 and they could not spend more than $10,000 in one place. Only one of them was able to spend all of the money in that amount of time. Some of them had some really creative ideas. The roadblock for many of them was not knowing the area and where to go in that small amount of time. So my roommate and I started talking...if that challenge was given to us, but we were allowed to do it here in Fort Worth, what would we do? Where would we go? How would we give what we had been given? I can't stop thinking about ideas. What would I do if I had those parameters and that much money to give? Here are some thoughts...
1. I would find an apartment building in a very low income area and pay the next months rent for all units up to my limit
2. I would go the Beautiful Feet Ministries and figure out their needs and help them out. Purchase coats from Burlington Coat Factory to take
3. I would find a day care center in a low income area and pay peoples child care for the next 2 months.
4. I would go to Petco and purchase dog and cat supplies and deliver them to the Humane Society of North Texas here in Fort Worth as well as paying for all the heart worm treatments needed for all dogs currently there.
5. I would try to find a nice restaurant that would allow me to bring in people from a homeless shelter or woman's center to eat a nice meal.
6. I would find a local college or university (maybe lower income) and give the school $10,000 dollars to offer 20 $500 dollar scholarships to students in desperate need.
7. A random shopping spree in a grocery store or a target.
8. One girl on the show bought all the flowers from a local seller and gave them out on the street...it was really neat.
9. One lady paid for people's gas at a gas station

These are just a few things I thought of and saw on the show. If you have any ideas let me know. What would you do? How would you give?

My Mom came to visit!!!

My Mom , My roommate and Me!This is my Mom!

We went to Sprinkles in Dallas and ate yummy cupcakes!

This is at the Sixth floor museum in Dallas, where JFK was shot.

This man is the oldest employee in Britain at 101 years of age! He is training to be the oldest ever marathon runner. CRAZY! He completed a half marathon recently in a little over 5 hours. I am ashamed of my self and my out-of-shape status when I view something like this.
So this should be motivation for us all...not only should this make us get out and work out, it should let us know that anybody....anybody can run a marathon, with a little determination!

Son of David

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me bleedin'
cause I need more now than a fairy tale,
a god who lives in a book.
I need someone real.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me on my knees,
cause I need more now than philosophy.
Some god in outer space doesn't mean anything to me.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If I begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Son of David, do not pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
Son of david, don't pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
by: John Mark McMillan

This is an amazing song.

Family

A lot of really difficult things have happened in my life in the last two years. I would say it has been the hardest time in my life to date. Most of those things have happened within the confines of my family. I have spent a lot of time trying to understand it all, trying to get my head around everything, trying to sort out feelings and deal with pain and loss and the what to do in the aftermath question. Though all of the tragedy had ended some relationships and drastically changed others, some relationships have begun to breathe for the first time in a long time. We have a small extended family and we have never been close to any of them really. In the picture above is my uncle, aunt and cousins. My mom's brother's family and they have lived 45 minutes away from me my whole life. We saw them on holidays and special occasions, but rarely any other time. I think family things were just always stressful and nobody really wanted to be around our family very much. In the last two years my family has spent more time with them than in the 20 years prior. It has been a blessing. It has been one really positive thing that has come out of a slue of really hard things. Above is a picture at my cousin Becca's pageant. She is a senior and she got second runner-up. She was really excited. I don't know why I am writing this....I guess because I realize more and more that the Lord is always doing something and though some things are really hard, they do not come without the reminder that God is faithful.

For many of us, we hear the words of the Lord and fail to put them into action. We read and hear and pray and yet we do not know what it looks like to live these things out and make them our lives. Sometimes, we never even consider working the truths and commands of Jesus out in our everyday life; we just read to read. At times I have read the words of Jesus and wrestled with what they look like lived out in everyday life. What would it look like to love my neighbor as Christ has loved me? What would it look like to love my enemies? What would it look like to keep treasure in heaven and an open hand when it comes to all my earthly possesions?
Well I saw, with my own eyes the Scriptures jump off the page and into someone's actions recently. I was on my way home from work last week on a very cold day. There is always at least one homeless man standing in the median by the interstate. As I waited at the light I saw him from a distance and I watched as a man got out of his car in a nearby parking lot. He crossed the street and all of the traffic, walked up to the man and gave him his own sweatshirt. The homeless man quickly ran off to put on the coat.
The words of Jesus, "For I was naked, and you clothed Me. Truly I say to you, as you did this for one of the least of my brothers you did for Me." Matthew 25.36,40
What would Christian's look like to the world if we actually lived out the words of Jesus in our everyday life? Isn't that what Christian's are?...Christ followers, little Christs? Isn't this the point anyway?

Crunch=Cash

Who knew that a small little mistake like backing into a car in a parking lot, and a small dent in the back of a car would be a 2,400 dollar mistake......YIKES!!!!!!! I will now begin maneuvering around in parking lots at the pace of a 90 year old handicapped woman (or man for that matter).