My they have grown.

Two snuggly puppies in December 2008.

Two snuggly puppies in September 2009.

a blast from the past

I don't have the best memory when it comes to vivid images of my childhood, but every now and then I catch a vivid glimpse of the past through an image I recognize and memories begin flooding back. Last night my friend and I were talking about childhood toys and it just got me thinking and remembering toys that shaped my growing years. So, I spent some time this morning (because I currently have no job and I have time to do something like this) looking up 80's and 90's toys and it brought back so much of childhood. I am posting pictures of some of the toys that i remember the most- the ones that I loved as a kid.

I don't know what you call this, but I remember it so well. You viewed a movie by clicking.

Now, who doesn't remember these...Why did we like these?

I LOVED this toy. I made Creepy Crawlers all the time (I was not a normal girl). I still remember the little jingle from the commercial. I also remember the smell it made.

One of my first memories was my friend's 5th birthday...it was the first time I saw a Ninja Turtle. These were probably my favorite as a kid...again, not a normal girl.

I remember the day that Teddy Ruxpin broke. I was devastated. You put a tape in his back and he told you a story. He was hard and not cuddly, but I LOVED him!

I think Speak and Spell was such a hit. I didn't remember it until I saw it in a picture.

I don't really know what this is called either, but I loved it. You kind of wiggled from side to side to get it to move. It was a lot of work and probably great for your abs. I don't think I ever had one, but my best friend Holly did and I loved it.

Popples. Need I say more! I still remember what my Popple looked like. I also remember what my sister's looked like and that my aunt had one that was Clemson.

Pogs- a strange fad huh? You stacked them with a friend and you and your friend used your "Slammer" to hit the stack. which ever ones landed face up you got to keep. Sounds kind of boring now, but it was so exciting then. I had a rocket to keep mine in that came from Hardees. You had to get all 3 pieces by buying kids meals. I loved my pogs.

Now whenever I tell people the story of pipeworks, nobody really knows what I am talking about. I had a friend who had them and I wanted them so bad. I told nobody until Christmas Eve and then miraculously the next morning...there they were. We built all kinds of things with these...especially forts.

to hybrid or not to hybrid.

For some reason I have been very fascinated lately with the idea of getting a new car. Mine is not that old- a 2004 Jeep Cherokee-but we bought it used with a lot of miles on it, so it is already over 100 thousand. It has been a good car, but it has also had a lot of random issues and I just don't think I trust it. My mom has told me to do some research on how much mine is worth and cars that I would want to by and so on. So this past week I drove up to Carmax and had them appraise my car. While I waited I test-drove my dream car- a Jeep Wrangler...SO FUN. I am not getting a new car any time soon (mostly because I don't have a job and apparently that is some kind of precursor...I don't know it might have something to do with money). The point of this long winded story is that I have been doing research on cars and I discovered something very interesting tonight. I know I am probably not the first person to discover this, but it was still shocking to me. I was comparing a few hybrid cars with their non-hybrid equals using both the dealer website and a website that compares the fuel economy of cars. I was mainly looking at the Civic and its hybrid and the Ford Escape and it's hybrid. For the Ford Escape the difference in price is $11,000. You will pay $11,000 more for a basic Escape Hybrid. I wanted to know how easily that difference was made up in fuel costs. The difference in annual fuel costs of the two Escapes is only about $400/year, which means it would take you 27 years to make up that $11,000 difference! In case you missed it......TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS!!!!!! And that is just to break even on your purchase! The same thing goes for the Civic and the Civic Hybrid except it would only take you 18 years. Who keeps a car for 18 years? What about 27 years? At average yearly mileage the car would have over 300,000 miles on it!

What a scam! I mean, you may get your money back quicker if your decision is between the hybrid and a Chevy Suburban or Hummer, but come on! I was really blown away. The regular Civic and the regular Escape both get close to 30 mpg's on the highway, which is pretty good gas mileage. Maybe this wouldn't be surprising to some people, but i found it so shocking especially because Hybrids are all the buzz. Maybe they are better for the environment, but they are not better for your wallet! Maybe in 10 years, when they are the norm and prices aren't so high it would be a good decision. If you like spending a lot of money on cars then I guess it doesn't matter, but if you are looking for the better deal-the most bang for your buck in car price and at the tank...the hybrid is not the right choice.

"What's your name?"

On Monday i met one of my dearest college friends in Columbia. We went down to the river walk and were sitting on a bench near the water just catching up on life. As we were sitting there this father with 2 children, a baby in a stroller and a child maybe 3 walking, were walking down the path near us. As they were about to pass the older child stopped and left her dad's side to wave at us and say hey. She kept coming over and asked, "What are your names?" My friend and I were pleasantly startled by this very mature gesture from such a young stranger. We told her our names and asked her her's and she sat down on the bench across from us. She asked us several questions and when her dad told her it was time to go, she instead got up and came over to our bench and sat down between us. Neither of us knew what to do. We talked to her for several more minutes about normal stuff; what we were doing, her baby sister's name, trolls under the bridge...ya know...the usual.
She finally left and as she walked away I realized how surprising her actions had been to me. A person, a child, reaching out to two total strangers, asking their names, approaching them, sitting with them, it was so out of the ordinary that it almost seemed unhuman. Each time I think of it I hear the words of Jesus in my head, "be like these little children." A child has so little self-awareness-they are other aware. They do not care about status, appearance, or their own insecurities- the very things that keep us at a distance from others. This is exactly how Jesus interacted with the world-no care for the opinions of others. He operated outside of everyone of our known confines and hidden rules. I wish I was like him. I wish I was like that little girl, with a faith in God so deep that I didn't operate by the rules the world does because I didn't need them. If only I had the faith of a child.

The true mark of a Christian

I have struggled a lot recently with the discrepency I see in the lives of so many American Christians (myself included) and the life of Christians in the New Testament. One cannot read the gospels with an open eye and heart and not see the stark contrast between our criteria for a "christian" today and Jesus'. I am not saying that Jesus had a "criteria" per say, what I mean is Jesus said (to anyone who was willing), "Follow me," not, "pray this prayer and you're good." A true encounter with Jesus meant full life-altering change. Today, I see lots of "Christians" but very little radical, life-altering change. There is so little difference between the world and the church it scares me. Maybe we smile a little more, but even that is forced.

There is this string of amazing quotes in the second chapter of Brennan Manning's book The Importance of Being Foolish. I have been chewing on them for days and they speak of this very same issue. He says it better than I ever could, so I am just going to type them all in and leave it at that.

"The Communist who accepts Karl Marx but not his doctrine is scarcely different from the Christian who accepts Jesus Christ but refuses to shape his life according to Christ's teaching." pg 43

"Authentic, evangelical faith cannot be separated from a readiness to act on the Word of God according to present opportunities."

"Soren Kierkegaard describes two type of Christians: those who imitate Jesus Christ and a second much cheaper brand-those who are content to admire him." Pg 45

A 23 year old woman dong grad work at the University of Paris writes:

"To me a Christian is either a man who lives in Christ or a phony. You Christians do not appreciate that it is on this- the almost external testminoy that you give of God- that we judge you. You ought to radiate Christ. Your faith ought to flow out to us like a river of life. You ought to infect us with a love for him. It is then that God who was impossible becomes possible for the atheist and for those of us whose faith is wavering. We cannot help being struck, upset, and confused by a Christian who is truly Christlike. And we do not forgive him when he fails to be."

"The great mark of a Christian is what no other characteristic can replace, namely the example of a life which can only be explained in terms of God." Pg 48

"Contact with Christians should be an experience that proves to people that the gospel is a power that transforms the whole of life." Pg 49

1 Jeep Cherokee and 1 Orange Retro Couch

My first year in seminary I lived in this little campus apartment. My roommate had managed to aquire a love seat from one of my friends before I moved there. When I moved in this was the only piece of furniture to sit on in the den. Seeing as her and I didn't know each other when we started school, sitting in the den was sort of awkward. This, as well as just needing more than a love seat anyway, motivated me to search for another piece of sitting furniture. A friend of a friend said he had a couch he wasn't using in his garage and that we could borrow it as long as he got it back before he graduated. I didn't know much about what this couch looked like and I really didn't care, I mean how bad could it be right? Well he pulled up one night and unloaded one of the ugliest couches I have ever seen. It was a burnt orange, retro, sectional couch with rips on almost every seam in the cushions. I could tell by the look on Melanie's face that she didn't find it attractive either. Over the course of 3 years we grew to love this couch. Despite its less than attractive appearance it was, by far, the most comfortable couch I have ever owned. I took many afternoon naps on that couch. One night after David (the couch owner) graduated he came by with his uhaul to pick up the couch and I threw a fit. He told me I could keep it until I graduated, but I must promise to get it back to him. I said of course (this is when I thought I would be moving to Atlanta, which is where he lives).
I have since then graduated and moved to Houston and though I told him recently that the couch is not in great condition (due to having 2 puppies my last 6 months in Fort Worth) he still insists on having it back. So, I planned a trip to visit my family at the end of the summer and instead of flying like any sane person would on a trip over 1000 miles, I decided to drive. I knew I would not get a chance like this for awhile to return the couch to its proper owner, but I was also unwilling to pay money for a uhaul trailer and hauling it across the U.S. just for that dumb couch. So, I decided I would try to fit the entire couch in my car and to my disbelief....IT FIT! After 30 minutes in the blazing Houston heat I got it all in. It was like Tetris, but not near as fun. I didn't have much room for luggage and I couldn't see out of the back of my car, but I got that couch to Georgia! Next time I am upset about the gas mileage my car gets, I will remind myself of how few cars I could fit an entire couch in!

The Importance of Being Foolish

I started a Brennan Manning book the other day called "The Importance of Being Foolish." I haven't gotten very far because the things that Manning tends to say can have you lost in thought and contemplation for weeks. In the opening chapter he begins a conversation truth versus deception, how Satan gets us to chase with our whole hearts things that are false, the least of reality. He contrasts this with Jesus' life and commands of His followers. He makes this statement:

We should be embarrassed by the Word because it says much that we don't want to hear. But why are most of us not embarrassed? Why doesn't the Word exalt, frighten, and shock us? It's not because we are unfamiliar with it-we hear it week in and week out. Why doesn't it force us to reassess our lives? It comes back to our delusions. Michel Quoist says:
We are satisfied by our decent little life. We are pleased with our good habits; we take them for virtues. We are pleased with our little efforts; we take them for progress. We are proud of our activities; they make us think we are giving ourselves. We are impressed by our influence; we imagine that it will transform lives. We are proud of what we give, though it hides what we withhold. We may even be mistaking a set of coinciding egoisms for real friendship."

There are truths within the Scriptures that Jesus reveals to us that should make us shudder; that if we truly believed the Bible to be Truth we would have no option, but to radically alter our lives and yet, most of us don't. In fact, we are surprised when we meet someone who is living a life similar to the teachings of Jesus and we call it "radical." Should it be so radical?...to the world, yes!...to the church? No!

More quotes from this book will follow this one, I feel sure. For now, this is all that I can chew on.

2 baby doves

The other night I came home and I was walking up the front steps when I noticed something moving on the ground of a flower bed. I thought it was a toad, but when I looked closer I realized it was a baby bird, a dove. It must have fallen from a nest high up in the tree during the storm. I ran inside and told Melanie. It looked scared and cold and it was trying to move, but it couldn't fly so it was just scooting a little along the ground. Melanie happened to have this same experience in high school and she still had a flyer from a wildlife refuge they called. While she went to find the number I decided to circle the tree and make sure there was not another one and sure enough in the middle of a plant was another scared little baby bird.
The refuge told us to put the birds in a box with a blanket and in the morning put them in a basket and hang it from the tree to see if the mama will come back and take care of them. But there was a lady who volunteered for them that lived close by, so instead of risking the life of the birds overnight in a house with 3 dogs and 1 frisky cat, we drove them over to the volunteers house. Just before we handed them over one of them pooped in the box. What an experience! You never know what your day might hold. I felt very accomplished, like a model citizen, who just completed a good deed.

Summer Fun

I have been living in Houston this summer and working for Houston's First Baptist Church. It has been a truly amazing summer and I am so glad that I decided to come here. There are so many highlights and fun things that happened.

First, my job. I loved my job. I was the Intern Coordinator for the high school ministry at the church. I was responsible for leading a team of 4 college student interns. I loved the people I worked with: the church staff, the college interns, the students. It was an amazing job, and I really loved every minute of it.

Second, my puppy, Cali and her brother Henry. We had so much fun with them. We found a dog park close by and took them several times. They LOVED it!!!! They loved interacting with all of the dogs there. It so much fun to watch them run around and interact! Cali will just go barreling into a group of dogs to say hello...hillarious. We also took them to the beach one day and that was so fun! Below are some pictures of that. When we first got there Henry went out into the water swimming and we thought he was going to swim out to sea. They swam, sprinted all over the beach, found a dead fish and had a blast!



Third, there are so many fun things to do here.
I went to Phantom of the Opera in downtown Houston. It was amazing!
We went to the beach nearly every weekend.
I mountain biked in Memorial Park, which was so fun. That was the first time i've been since moving to Texas. The trails were great!
There are so many good places to eat here:
Mosquito Cafe
Crave Cupcakes
Dessert Gallery
Thai Cottage
Baby Barnaby's
Mexican food anywhere!
And so many more.

Houston is a good city. There is no end to fun things to do here and it has been a fantastic summer!

I'd of had to squat!

Today I was in a parking lot in a large shopping center in southwest Houston. I was walking from my car towards the Old Navy and I saw 3 kids outside of a Suburban. The car seemed to be unoccupied by an adult. One little girl was standing in the door of the back passenger side, a boy was in the front seat and a small boy was standing with his back facing the open passenger side front door. They all looked at me and were laughing and saying things I couldn't understand. I really couldn't see what was so funny because it was as bright as the face of the sun outside. I kept straining to see as they kept laughing and I finally saw what they thought was so funny. The little boy standing by the open door was peeing in the parking lot right beside his car. I started laughing, not believing what I was seeing and as I walked boy I heard him say loudly in a little african american boy accent, "If I was a girl, i'd of had to squat!"

Now how often do you see something like that on a shopping trip? Hillarious!

My 3 hour haircut

I am tempted to come on here and proclaim my deepest apologies for being a horrible blogger (not that anyone reads this or if they did I am sure they have stopped by now), and promise that I will resume blogging with a unstoppable fever, but I will not do that. I will take it one day at a time and see where we go. A lot has happened recently, so I should have a lot to say, so we will see.

But first, a story I must tell. I have been living in Houston with my roommate from seminary and her family, which has been a great and fun adventure. Recently her mother found this Aveda training school in the Woodlands (over an hour away from the house), where you can get your haircut by their students for $15. Aveda salons do a great job, but charge you a minimum of $50 so this is a good deal. All wanting haricuts, we decided to go last Friday. I should have known better anyway because we had to get up early and I had an all night lock-out that evening, where I would get no sleep.

We get to the salon and all get seated seperately by our students at 10:45 a.m. I just want a basic haircut, about 3 inches off with a few layers. She washes my hair and takes me back to the chair. Now I know she is a student, so I am expecting nothing short of an hour and a half. An hour and a half has passed (12:15 p.m.) and she is still painfully and slowly snipping away the initial 3 inches from my hair. She has not begun layers or anything!!!! At this point I see Melanie's mother finished and walking toward the front, the stylist beside us got a client after I sat down and washed, cut and dried her hair and she is now off on her lunch break. All the while I can feel myself getting more and more irritated and impatient. She gets to the bangs and after about 5 minutes of hesitation with no cutting, calls her teacher to come cut it. It is now 1:00 p.m. and I see my roommate walk out now having had her hair washed, cut and dried and her eyebrows waxed, while I am very far from the finish line.

As my hair covered my eyes and kept closing them and telling myself, "just smell your hair, it smells so good and peaceful, doesn't it." I had no idea that while I was sitting in misery, my roommate was terrified that something bad had happened because it was taking SOOOO long. She went to the desk and asked if they had messed up my hair and were redoing it because it was taking so long. They informed her that my student was brand new to the floor...Thanks a lot Aveda. 3 hours in total is what it took for this girl to wash, cut and dry my hair. And when she was done her teacher came over and saw that she had really put no layers in my hair and with amazing speed and percision she cut layers for me in about 1 minute.

When I finally got out of the chair and to the front my roommate new I was upset, but i told her I couldn't talk just yet...I needed to cool off. The cashier then asked me if I wanted to leave a tip and several things passed through my head to say, but in the end Jesus won out and I did tip. But I resolved that $15 dollars was not worth it and I would never do that again. When I tell this story people say, "Well did she do a good job?" I have to calculate my response because I really think that if someone gave me scissors and 3 hours of their time I could do a superb job. Yes the hair looks good, I say, it better after all of that.

my claim to fame

When people begin to share their "claims to fame" I never have anything to say.  I had never met anyone famous UNTIL, Saturday.  We had a garage sale Saturday morning and decided to use the spoils to go to dinner somewhere fun.  We drove down to Galveston and went to Gaidos, a famous seafood restaurant down there.  We were waiting outside for our names to be called and I looked up to see these 2 very tall women coming from behind us walking together towards the door.  Just then they called our name and as I stood up one of those women turned slightly at the door and I thought she looked familiar.  I looked again and leaned over to Melanie and said, "Hey that lady looks like Juliet from Lost".....the whole time thinking of course it wasn't her.  It is easy to see someone who looks like someone, but rare to see the actual person.  We got inside and she was standing with this large group of family.  I got my first good look and I knew immediately that there was no way it was not her.  Then a lady in her party said, "What name is it under?" and another one replied, "Mitchell."  Her real name is Elizabeth Mitchell.  I excitedly turned to Melanie to say it was her for sure.  Then I remembered that her family is from Dallas and that she grew up there.  We stood there awestruck at what we were seeing.  We are both avid Lost fans and to see one of the stars in real life was a strange experience.  She was with her mom, dad, sister and a host of other family members.  They went in the small gift shop and we followed her in and hovered around debating on whether to talk to her.  We had ample opportunity, but we never did.  Although, she dropped her sweater and Melanie picked it up for her and she said, "What a kind thing of you to do."  I told Melanie she missed her perfect opportunity.

She is not a super famous or well known actress, so nobody was swarming her or taking her picture.  The little girl working in the gift shop had no idea she had just checked-out someone famous.   Most people would only know her if they watched Lost, or maybe if they had seen the Santa Claus 2, she plays the Mrs. Claus part.  It was so bizzare.  The whole night we couldn't stop thinking about that....someone famous we have watched a ton in a small restaurant in Galveston, Texas of all places.  And it is odd to be in the same room with the person, watching them.  You are so use to seeing them on a screen or in a book, not in person.  I think they do not seem real, and then there they are.  And now I have a claim to fame, so when it is my turn to tell if I have met someone famous I can say yes...although when you hear other people tell you things like that, I never think it is all that exciting.  Maybe it is only exciting if it happens to you.  

Things I will miss about Fort Worth

I am on the home stretch. I have lived in Fort Worth for nearly 3 years and I am down to my final 6 days here. A lot has happened in the last 3 years and if I were honest I would have to say most of this journey was difficult. However, as I reflect back on what has happened, I am grateful for this time. I have learned a lot, and grown a lot. I had a difficult seminary experience, some circumstantial, some self-inflicted, but I am thankful that I went. The Lord used it and will continue to use it. Though I would never want to go back and relive my time here I want to make sure I look back on it and remain thankful for every thing, the good, the bad and the ugly, because God does use everything for good.

So...what will I miss as I leave this place? Here are just a few things.

1. My kids/job at Morningside. I have had that job since a week after I moved here, 3 years. It is at the top of the list of things I am thankful for.
2. Trinity Trails- This is my favorite place in Fort Worth to run, to walk, to visit, to find peace.
3. The Botanic Gardens- Soooo pretty
4. The combination of no humidity and temperatures from 65-90 degrees because it feels AMAZING outside.
5. People I love at Mckinney church; my students and former co-workers.
6. The Village Church- God is powerfully moving in that place and I am so grateful for attending.. Praise God for podcasts
7. La Familia (best mexican), Babes Chicken (Best food), Taste of Asia (Best Asian), Milano's (Best local Italian)
8. Sprinkles Cupcakes on Dallas days
9. The drive from my house down University...its beautiful
10. Central Market- It's not a grocery store, it's an experience.

The Swine Flu Vacation

I had the last month of my time in Fort Worth planned out perfectly. The last week in April, I didn't have work because of TAKS testing so my roommate and I drove down to Houston late Tuesday night the 28th because we had scheduled Henry and Cali's spay and neuter for Wednesday morning. We were going to stay a few days and drive back on Friday for a Fort Worth after school event on Saturday. Then at some point in the days following she would leave and go back to Houston pretty much for good and I would stay in Fort Worth for 2 weeks until the move.

We get to Houston, the surgery is a success and then on Thursday....BAM.....the SWINE FLU. All of FWISD is shut down and I can't go to work. I said many times that if I had known I would have had 2 full weeks off of work I would have planned a fun trip...I mean how often does that happen? And that is when it hit me, I still have over a week.....I could take a trip. So, my roommate and I got on Priceline and found two amazing deals, one to Boston (which I had never been) and one to Chicago (which she had never been). Boston won, and off we went. We bought the tickets on Sunday and left at 6:00 a.m. the following morning. We spent three nights in a really nice hotel...so fun.

We had no time to research Boston, so we just kind of figured it out as we went along.

Monday. The first day we walked a TON. We went to the beautiful Public Gardens and Boston Commons.


Cheers....

And the oldest restaurant in the country...

Tuesday was very rainy. We decided to sleep in some, start the day off with Dunkin Donuts and head over to Harvard.
This is me touching John Harvard's toe. Apparently it is the thing to do.
For lunch we went to the No Name Restaurant. We had seen it in several reviews for good seafood. I really liked it. It was on the harbor.


Wednesday we went to Finagle a Bagel for breakfast

Then we went on the Freedom Trail. It took several hours to walk the whole thing, but it was very neat.

We saw Paul's Revere Tomb...
The graveyards were amazing. Some tombs were from the 1600's.

This is the Paul Revere House. It is where he set out from on his famous midnight ride.

This is the Old South Meeting House, where famous historical meetings were held.


On Wednesday night the Boston Red Sox were playing at home so we decided to scalp some tickets. We set a price window and on our third attempt we bought two tickets. It was crazy. The place was packed. Bostonians really like their sports. It was the highlight of the trip for me.

The Texas Bluebonnets

Its a "thing" in Texas to take pictures of things you love (children, dogs, yourself) in the bluebonnets.  In fact, bluebonnets in themselves are a "thing" in Texas.  I remember the first time I passed bluebonnets in the car with a Texan and they pointed them out to me and I, of course, had been clueless.  I did not really appreciate them then, but now that I have been there 3 spring seasons their beauty has become something to wait on.  When spring time rolls around you will be driving down the highway or interstate and there they are, as if they sprang up over night.  

In honor of my 3rd and last spring in Fort Worth I took pictures of something I love in the bluebonnets, Cali.  

Morningside Milers Club

At our after school program at Morningside Middle one of my teachers recently did the most amazing class. He pulled together a group of students with potential and desire to be runners and created a run club. They trained for 4 weeks and their goal was to run the Seminary stride 5k on April 25th. Some incentives for the kids were a brand new pair of custom fitted running shoes, a nights stay in a hotel and a celebration dinner.
We found teachers and friends to donate money to buy each kid a brand new pair of shoes and each kid got to go to Luke's Locker and get fitted for shoes that worked for them.














The night before their race they got to stay in a hotel and hang out. They were so well behaved. All of us were so proud of them.













All of the team members finished the race and 2 of them even won trophies in their age division. They were the highlight of the race. Everyone there cheered them on each time one crossed the finish line. Below is a picture of the 2 students who received trophies. To the left is Ellisiah. He finished in 25 minutes and placed 2nd in his division. And to the right is Tayana. She finished 2nd in her age division.

We also had a lot of parents and families come and cheer on their students as they crossed the finish line. It was very moving to watch them. Below is Tayana with her grandmother, aunt and brother.

This final picture is of the entire team. I have been here for 3 years in this job and this is by far the most amazing thing we have done. These kids may not have a lot, but they have a lot to give if someone taps into their potential and gives them a chance.

.resurrection.

When I was in high school I had to do this leaf collection for science class. I am sure most people hated this project and though I am sure I will be labeled a dork, I loved it. My favorite discovery was the plant in the picture to the left. This is called Resurrection Fern. It grows on trees and goes mostly unnoticed by people. It gets its name because it looks dry, dead and withered most of the time. But after a rain, the plant opens up and comes alive again. This process repeats throughout the entire cycle of the ferns life.
I am getting so close to the end of this three years that has been so difficult and trying in so many ways. My soul has been dry and weary and battered. I have spent so much of the last three years withered (not dead). The past three years as well as all the things that are weighing on my heart right now (my future, a job, finishing in Fort Worth, my grandmother's impending death, etc.) though they are withering to the soul they are also causing me to lean into the cross more heavily. They are an opportunity for the Lord to bring the rains and resurrect what appears dead. My prayer this Easter for myself, more than for a job and more than for direction, is that the Lord would resurrect my heart. That He would grant me the grace to lean into all of these things and await the rain He will inevitably send.

Romans puts it this way: "For if we have been joined with Him in the likeness of His death, we will certainly also be in the likeness of His resurrection."

In Philippians Paul says, "My goal is to know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, assuming that I will somehow reach the resurrection from among the dead."

Peter says, "Blessed be the God and father of our Lord Jesus Christ. According to His great mercy, he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead."

A Day of Firsts

About a week ago I experienced two "firsts" in one day-one good and one not so good. I was sitting in my office when one of my students who had not come for a while came in and sat down. A few weeks before she had skipped out on her class and disappeared until after our program was over. When I tried to confront her about it she ignored me and when I tried to pull her aside to speak with her she jerked out of her book bag and stormed off. When I chased after her to see what was wrong she broke down and told me to leave her alone so she could go home. This was not like her. She was really upset. She finally let another staff member sit down with her to talk and she cried her eyes out- stuff at home is really rough. She stopped coming to the program for a few weeks until this particular day. She walked in, sat down and said, "I want to apologize for how I acted towards you. I shouldn't have done that and I am sorry." I have worked with these students for 2 years and 1. I have never had a student admit that they did anything wrong and 2. I have never had a student apologize. That was a shining moment for me; a light in a sometimes dark world. It gave me hope, but what happened later that day cast a dark shadow over that hope and it was my second "first."

I had a confrontation with an angry parent, whose only agenda was to let me know how she felt about everything my staff and I had done wrong. She did not want to talk or discuss issues that were for the benefit of her daughter. She did not give me a chance to speak. She was angry and she came to let me know it and leave. I was somewhat dumbfounded. I often wonder why students are the way that they are and why the so poorly handle conflict and then I am enlightened by an experience like that. We teach our students to lay aside the fighting and the arguing and handle conflict in a more productive way, but we

Fit Stix

Recently, I have been on the lookout for unusual things in the grocery store. It's a weird thing to do I know, but it has actually proved to be very interesting. It all started because I have to go to this tiny non-mainstream grocery store for work and there are all kinds of things there that you would not find in your local Kroger or Albertsons or whatever store is predominately shopped my middle to upper class folks.

This find, however, was at one of those said middle to upper class stores-Albertsons. Last night I went to pick up some things with my roommate and I found this on the baking aisle...Sunsweet Fit Stix, Plum flavored. If you try to google it you will come up with this website, which is promiting actual sticks that you hold while doing aerobics. They are marketing their product to the average consumer who is enticed by the NBA logo and the idea that one bite of this product and you would be on your way to athletic stardom. Maybe Fit Stix is an offcial sponsor of the NBA, who knows. If that didn't speak to you there is always the "100% Fruit Bar" plug that is calling the fit nut in you to act by purchasing this product and the fact that the name of the product actually contains the word "Fit."
Working against them however, is the picture of the shiny, juicy, NATURAL plum sitting right next to the 100% Fruit Bar. If someone was standing in front of me with a real plum in one hand and plum flavored stick of gum looking thing in the other, I am going to have to say I would choose the plum.
If you are into the Fruit Stix thing, however, you might be interested to know that Plum is not the only flavor-there are 2 more equally enticing fruit imitations, although I can't recall what they are at the moment. I think I will stick with the real deal and give up my dreams of becoming a fit NBA star- I was never much for fruit snacks anyway.

deference training

I am really struggling, and in many ways have always struggled, with what I want to do with my life. I floundered in college, back and forth, from major to major and then landed, with an extra semester of school, on a degree that is mostly worthless. I spent a semester traveling and working, a summer working at camp and then enrolled in Seminary, where I have spent the last 3 years somewhat avoiding the decision I now face again-what do I want to do with my life. Seven years later I am still trying to "figure it out." Figuring things out is a common human agenda and a huge barrier between a life of deep faith and life run by the illusion of control. If I can figure it out, then I can control it.

A couple of weeks ago my roommate and I took our puppies to the vet. The vet who saw them just happened to be an animal behavioral specialist. She told us she was going to show us something called deference training. It is designed to teach your dog who is the master and who is not. Basically, she took each dog, one at a time, and held it down on its side. When the dog struggled against her she would make a disapproving noise and push down until the dog relaxed. When the dog stopped fighting she would praise it. She repeated this until the dog was perfectly relaxed and then she repeated the process with each dog on its back. Surprisingly, Henry fought the hardest (Really hard) and she said that he had a control issue. Though he is a sweet and good natured dog, he does not like not being in control. The vet explained that when a dog defers to its master, it is relinquishing its control and showing its full trust in the master's authority.

Every time I do this deference training with Cali it weighs on me that this is a picture of my relationship with God. I am in desperate need of deference training. I have, for a quite a while now, been "running my own life," with my own agenda, and when I look back on it, I have been running in circles. By trying to control the path of my life, the only thing I can be sure of is that I have missed opportunities to truly live. Unfortunately, God doesn't pin us down until we cry uncle. He allows us to live under the illusion of control for as long as it takes for us to realize that it is just that, an illusion; and that relinquishing control to him is actually what will set us free to truly live.

I am praying for the strength to lay my control down, to lay on my side relaxed, giving my Master my full trust.