My first car wreck!

I had one of life's many firsts this past Friday evening. It was my first car wreck! 24 years without a wreck and then smash! I was leaving work at around 6:00 and I pulled into the far right lane headed home on Berry. Berry has three lanes on either side and I was approaching the major intersection that crosses over I-35. The light had just turned green and my lane was smooth sailing. The other two lanes were still stalled and what I didn't realize was that some of the cars had stopped to let this lady who was coming from the opposite direction turn across our lanes into a parking lot. What she didn't realize was that I was in the far right lane. She punched the gas to speed across and just as she did there I was...CRASH!!! Suprisingly there was no damage to my car and little (minus a large amount of black on her front white bumper) to hers. She was very nice and we had a pleasant conversation, but one of the first things she said to me (in a cool London/Ghana accent) was, "I am just glad I wasn't drunk." Yes, yes I am glad about that too!

"In this world men find themselves to be imprisoned. In fact the more profoundly we become aware of the limted character of the possiblities which are optn to us here and now, the more clear it is that we are farther from God, that our desertion of Him is more complete, and the consequences of that desertion more vast, than we had ever dreamed. Thier union with God is shattered so completely that they cannot even conceive of its restoration. The life is illusion. This is the situation in which we find ourselves. The question 'Is there then a God?' is therefore entirely relevant!"
Karl Barth

Man on the Marta

It’s funny how often God uses perfect strangers to speak truth into my life. When the words of those I know well fall flat and when the Scriptures seem like a foreign language, God sends an unsuspecting stranger. Tonight I met a man named Marcelles (pronounced: Mar-Sell-less). My sister and brother-in-law had dropped me off at the Marta station in Atlanta. I boarded, found an empty seat, inserted my Ipod earplugs and opened my Bible, staring at it more than reading it. I’ve had a rough go. I’ve found it very difficult to shake off the last two years. I had been feeling pretty discouraged about my life and as I sat there all those things weighed on my mind. I could tell that Marcelles was watching me and then he leaned in to get my attention. He asked me what I was reading and for the next 10 minutes he just talked and I listened. He told me about how he had been discouraged lately and how God had sent him to 1 John 4:16, “And we have come to know and believe the love that God has for us. God is love and the one who remains in love remains in God and God remains in him.”
He said that things can be tough, but that God is the God of all comfort and we cannot lose hope. We must put Christ first and do not give up. He kept repeating that phrase, “Do not give up!” He said that he just hoped that God has used him to encourage me and then he exited the train when it stopped.
It is one of those moments that you don’t tell anyone (or really even blog about) because you cannot do it justice. I just keep replaying it in my head…how I was feeling, what I was thinking, the things he was saying, the perfection of it all. God speaks to us. Even when we think He is nowhere to be found, He speaks; sometimes through a strange man on a Marta train.

Truth

Most people, subconsciously, spend their every ounce of energy searching for what is true in the world. I believe that even attempts to avoid truth are searches for alternate routes to truth. People should, however, spend all the energy intentionally and consciously searching for the truth and upon finding it, live it out. If I had, in my grasp, the truth about all of reality and chose instead to ignore it, supress it in fact and live for lies, would I not be the worst of fools? I would not have ignorance as an excuse. I would have no excuse at all other than my own stupidity. If we know what is true about life and what it means, why would we not spend every waking moment submitting ourselves to it and living out of it?
We know that Jesus is either a fool (off of his rocker) or the Son of God. And we know that He said, "I am the way the TRUTH, and the life, no one comes to Father except through me." And yet we still live as if he were simply a good teacher. We do not pour over His life, His movements, His Word and seek with our very soul to live out that truth. How can I be so foolish? The flesh is no excuse. Paul says, though we walk in the flesh we do not wage war as the world does. We know the truth, we have it. I have it. What am I doing chasing after lies, vanities, shiny gods that do not satisfy? I should spend every moment pleading for the Lord to help me close the gap between the reality of the way I live my life and His reality of truth.

Refining

It has been a very long time since I have written anything on here. i have no real reason for the hiatus. Maybe I have had nothing to say or no time to say it or maybe there has been too much to write about and not enough words to express it. I think the latter may actually be the case, but regardless I am writing, though even now I am not really sure what to say. Seminary is hard and at times it does live up to its alias "Cemetary." At times it feels like death or at least not like life, I miss feeling full of life, satisfied, joy-filled, glad to be where I am, fulfilling a purpose, supported and loved. The lack of this in my life is not the fault of Seminary. Seminary has simply amplified what has been a tough two year go. I am beginning to see the toll this last two years has taken on my heart. It is heavy, hardened, not expectant and not full of life. I guess life just feels this way sometime. I think more than anything most aspects of my current life feel unstable. I wish that I could say that these things have driven me to a deeper walk with Jesus and maybe in ways unseen it has, but I have found it difficult to stir up my affections for Christ. Though I believe His ways are true, I have felt little comfort in that. More than anything I feel like God has used these last two years to "kill" things in me. I feel like He is purging me, squeezing out ugliness in me, pressing on wounded places and I know that those things are good. I will be glad in the long run that He has done that, but mostly I wish I could feel His arms around me telling me its going to be okay, rather than His refining fire. Maybe for God they are one in the same. My best friend can put her arms around me and I can feel comforted, but for God comfort and love may look more different than anything humanity can offer to each other.

Joy and Pain
Sun and Rain
You're the same
You never let go

Joy and Pain
Sun and Rain
You're the same
You never let go

New Music

If you love music and you are a person who is easily touched and moved to worship through music I have a few suggestions for you. First you must go to itunes and download the song "Glorious Day" it is on Jeff Johnson's new album and in the words of my brother in law "it doesn't suck." That song rips me apart every time I here it.
Secondly, I went down to Waco Monday night with some great friends to UBC to be a part of the David Crowder Band Cd release party and that didn't suck either, neither does their new cd remedy. You should go out and purchase this one as well. They talked about their last cd Collide and how it was all about death and the heaviness, yet victory in death and shortly after they expereined the tragic death of their pastor Kyle Lake. The new CD Remedy is the music they made coming out on the other side of that tragedy and it is amazing.

This Day- Micah Dalton

"Cruficy this day
So that I might see the way
And love your Beloved
Show your Resurection
Through the way you kill my pride
Please take control
Please take control
Let me dwell

Let your life live on through me
Let your breath breathe on through me
So that they can see in me
How you, you've loved me"

I love my job. I have the greatest job in the entire world. I get paid, quite a lot actually, to hang out with inner city kids everyday and teach whatever fun thing I can dream up. This 6 weeks that happens to be soccer (a sport I have played very little, ha) and survivor (outdoor living skills). Outdoor living skills with these kids is a trip. I gave them a mini quiz yesterday to test what they know and one question asked what the first thing you should do when you notice someone lying down injured. I gave them some options and I was listing the options one girl said (in true black girl tone) "You gotta check and see if he dead." I almost wet my pants. SO FREAKIN FUNNY! She was actually kind of right I guess if I wasn't going to be very technical. Praise God for ghetto middle schoolers.

Life can be incredibly lonley at times. I am not sure how people without the hope of Jesus survive. It is only by his light that any of this world's nonsense, begins to somewhat make sense.

funny

I read this this morning and it is definately one of those comical moments with the over zealous disciples and Jesus. I imagined Jesus rolled his eyes as he rebuked them. What were the disciples thinking....I mean picture this happening in your local church. Read and chuckle accordingly...

"When the days were coming to a close for Him to be taken up, He determined to journey to Jerusalem. He sent messangers ahead of him and on the way they entered a village of the Samaritans to make preparations for Him. But they did not welcome him, because He determined to journey to Jerusalem. When the disciples james and John saw this, they said, 'Lord, do you want us to call down fire from heaven to consume them?' But He turned and rebuked them and they went to another village."
Luke 9:51-56

Today I am thankful for...
life
my sister
starbucks icecream
my professors who truly love Jesus
deep laughter with my best friend
the smell of rain
love

Have you ever had those moments where you doubt?...but not where you doubt God, you doubt yourself? You know with all of your heart that God is faithful and desires what is best for you...that is never the question. The question is, Do my desires cloud what God wants? I am seeking what God wants? I am able to discern if this is something God wants or simply something I want for myself? I think this is so hard. Of course what God wants is so good...but how do I know what He wants? And not his general will, that I would glorify him, that I would share his gospel, etc.....but his specfic will for my life.
This is no new struggle...it has been around as long as humanity has. I want so badly to walk in step with Jesus, I simply fear that my steps will get in the way of His. Jesus, lead me.

living beneath the cross

In a section on confession in the book The Celebration of Discipline, Foster quotes Detriech Bonhoeffer.
How do we learn to receive the confessions of our brothers? By living under the cross!
"Anybody who lives beneath the Cross and who has discerned inthe Cross of Jesus the utter wickedness of all men and of his own heart will find there is no sin that can ever be alien to him. Anybody who has once been horrified by the dreadfulness of his own sin that nailed Jesus to the Cross will no longer be horrified by even the rankest sins of a brother."

Jesus, take me to the place beneath your Cross where this kind of transformation happens!

Jesus is so good. He shows himself more and more faithful to me everyday that goes by. He shows that if you will lay down your baggage and pick up his cross, the burden (miraculously so) is easy and light. I am thankful for so many things, but above all I am thankful for the mercy and unconditional love of Jesus. When I fail, His faithful love most certianly remains. I was reading in Nehemiah for one of my classes tonight and it was talking about Israel when they held a worship service of sorts. They were in captivity in the land they were promised because they were disobedient. They were standing up and recounting the history of Israel and all the things that God had done for them and how many times He had delivered him and almost at the moment of their deliverance they again turned from him. As soon as they found relief they needed him no more. There is one passage that says, "Therefore, you handed them over to the surrounding peoples. However, in your abundant compassion you did not destroy them or abandon them." He handed them over, but he never left them. He NEVER LEFT! Unbelievable!

evolution

The foundation we build our life upon inevitably shapes the way we view our world. I read an article today about a disovery made in Kenya. They found a human skull (homo erectus) in the same layer of earth that they have found other skulls (homo habilis) of apes. The Christian hears about this and immediately sees it as further proof of the almightly Creator God. The article I read today on cnn.com indicated quite the opposite. It is their position that this finding strengthens the case of evolution.
The things of God are foolishness to those who are perishing. The heart, the soul, the evidence, existence, everything points to a sovereign Creator God and yet those whose hearts are set agianst him will use anything they can to deny His existence. If God himself came down and they were able to view Him in all His glory, might they still turn away?

There is this song by Hillsong called and it says,
"In the middle of the world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the seems
There is one thing to be alive for
And it is to take up my cross and follow you Lord"

I bought a really nice laserjet printer on Saturday. Sent the rebate in so I could get half my money back. Spent two hours on Sunday trying to hook it up and when it wouldn't work called techinical support on Monday morning to see why. Turns out its not compatible with a Mac. I need the 1022, not the 1018. Come on world....CATCH UP!!!!!!! Mac is leaving you behind! I will sadly return the printer today.

a different kind of homeless

Seminary housing is not your middle/upper class suburb. In fact, it is nestled in a very rundown area of town. Less than a mile away from my apartment, at the end of our street there is a man who lives in a storage unit. Yes, you read it right, he lives there. Its not exceptionally large, one you could store your extra car in. It is actually rather small. At night he will have the door open and when you look in, it is packed high with his belongings and there is a space cleared out in the middle with a chair. He has a bike, that I assume he rides to work. Last night I drove by and he was there. He was sitting at the edge with the door open petting a stray cat, or maybe it was his cat...who knows. I was so intrigued, that as I turned down my street I looked back to take one last glance and ran my car up on the curb. Everything was fine and I felt like an idiot, but I wasn't staring that stare that made him out to be some kind of anamoly, like an odd zoo animal. I am not sure why, but I am very interested in that man's life. Where is he from? how did he get here? How long has he lived like that? Is that his preference? Where is his family? Does he have faith? He lives at the edge of seminary property and I wonder, how many, if any, believers have ever befriended him. I wonder if he knows Jesus. I wonder what he would say if we asked him over for dinner one night. My heart is burdened for him.

Desperate for all you are
I chase your heart
Find me here
Find me faithful
On my knees
Against the tide

Glorious Day

One day when heaven is filled with HIs praises
One daY when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
dwelt among men my example is He

living he loved me
dieing he saved me
buried he carried my sins far way
rising he justified
freely forever
one day He's coming
what a glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish despised and rejected
bearing our sins my redeemer is He

One day the grave could conceal him no longer
one day the stone rolled away from the door
then he arose for death he had conquered
now he's ascended my Lord evermore.

Greatness

I recently dove into a must read. The Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster....AMAZING!!!! The most amazing chapter so far is the one on Submission...I know, crazy....who would have thought. It really strips every preconceived notion about the word submission away and replaces all the evangelical fluff with the true radical meaning of the word. Here is an excerpt...

"When Jesus gathered his disciples for the Last Supper they were having trouble deciding who was the greatest. This was no new issue for them. "And an agrument arose among them as to which of them was the greatest" (Lk 9:46) Whenever there is trouble over who is the greatest, there is trouble over who is the least. Most of us know we will never be the greatest; just don't let us be the least.
Gathered at the Passover feast the disciples were keenly aware that someone needed to wash the others' feet. The problem was that the only people who washed feet were the least. So there they sat, feet caked with dirt. No one wanted to be considered the least. Then Jesus took a towl and a basin and redefined greatness."

INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!

I finished one of the hardest jobs I have ever done, spent two weeks at "home" and now I am back in Texas. What a whirlwind. I am relieved for a break from massive amounts of responsibility. I am relieved to be in a place where i am not starting over, I am in a familiar place, with familiar people and another chance. Who knows what could happen this year. So much happened in the last one.

So much change....so little time to adjust. You just have to pick yourself up off the floor and keep moving.

I read this today...

"Not too long ago a priest told me he cancelled his subscription to the New York Times because he felt the endless stories of war, crime, power games anad political manipulation only distrubed his mind and heart and prevented him from mediation and prayer."

"That is a sad story because it suggests that only by denying the world can you live in it, that only by surrounding yourself by an artificial, self-induced quietude can you live a spiritual life. A real spiritual life does exactly theopposite: it makes us so alert and aware of the world around us, that all that is and happens becomes part of our cotemplation and meditation and invites us to a free and fearless response."
Reaching Out- Henri Nouwen

Marriage

My sister got married this weekend. It was one of those times that was so very serile for me. So many worlds collided in one weekend and I had trouble getting my head around what was happening. I am living in Fort Worth, but working at camp in Nashville, but I drove to Clemson where my whole family and many of my friends from college were waiting to watch my baby sister get married. It almost didn't seem real. I think it was good for me and I think in many ways God surfaced a lot of fears of mine and began to confront them right on the spot. I think I have this aversion towards marriage. I am terrified of it and yet on some level, in small moments desire it. When I dwell on the idea of it it makes me feel so uncomfortable and yet a part of me desires it. I have watched Lauren and Trey and seen the miracle He did in her life through that relationship. He used Trey to teach her that love was a good thing, that marriage (good marriage) was possible as well as proper. I have such a long way to go, so many fears to overcome and put aside. I do not want to wake up one day 10 years from now and realize how much I missed out on simply because I was fearful. That seems sad to me.
I love my sister and I am so happy for her and I only hope that one day I am as lucky as she!

Lessons

Life is funny. It seems at times its all about lessons, learning life lessons. It goes with the old adage, "You live and you learn." It seems unfair that most of the time the learning is found in retrospect rather than in the preface or the process. By the time the lessons are learned, the moment has passed. At the end of it all we will have learned millions of lessons, mostly from the things we did wrong, with little time left to apply what we've learned. It seems harsh at times. Most people would say its the experience that matters, that experience is the best teacher. And though I know in my heart this is true it doesn't make the most difficult of "experiences" any easier.

Life

Life is hard. Life is hard and I am exhausted!

Leadership

THis is the hardest job I have ever done! At the end of a week I am spent in every way possible. I have nothing left to give! I have realized just how tough it is to be a leader. Leadership is a reflection of who you are as a person. You are judged as a person based on how well you do your job as a leader. There is a lot of pressure wrapped up in that. It is a lonely job at times. I realized how great it is to simply be loved because of who you are. My roommate reminded me of this this weekend. It is so nice to be loved unconditionally simply for who you are and not because of what you do. This has not been a bad experience at all, just a difficult one. I am learning a lot. I miss Fort Worth and I miss my roommate!

my great friend!!!!!!!

I miss my best friend. I have had a lot of friendship in my life, but I do not think I have ever been as grateful for one as I am for this one. I am blessed beyond belief to know her, to get to live with her and to call her friend. I learn a lot about life and God from our relationship. She is coming to Nashville in 2 days and I am THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Life is so much better with friendships!!!!

I miss my Dad

I sat down at dinner tonight with this man and there was something sarile and familiar about him. I began to talk to him and his wife and soon realized what it was. They were a middle-aged couple maybe in their 50's. It hit me halfway through my dinner that this man reminded me of my Dad. They had so many similarities both in manerism and physcial appearance. He was a bigger guy with tan leathered-like skin. He had freckles and the same hair color as my Dad. He had a bald spot on the top of his head. The more I talked to this man the more it made me feel at home. In that moment I missed my Dad terribly. For the first time in a while I really MISSED him. I would give anything to be able to sit in front of my Dad and just talk to him. It is not a miss like, I haven't seen him in awhile and I would like to see him...it is a deep seeded, permanent miss. I saw that man later at worship and I could barely keep my tears down. he was sitting with his students in worship. It was a very sad moment for me.

Wiped out

I am not sure I have ever been so tired in my life. This job is the most mentally, emotionally taxing job I have ever done. I am glad I am here most of the time, but some days I wonder why God decided this would be a good idea. At the end of the day (which is always way later than it should be) I really have NOTHING left and maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. I don't know.

One Year

Anniversaries are always weird no matter what they are. It always seems that time flies and yet in some respects goes by so slowly. I can look back over a period of time and see how it went so quickly and yet at the same time feel that the start of it was years ago. Ya know? Time is just a weird deal. It is nearly impossible for me to believe that a year ago today my Dad's life ended. It is even weirder to know that I was in this exact same place when it happened, Nashville Tennessee, Belmont M-fuge. It feels like yesterday. It feels like a moment ago. In some ways it feels like right now. And yet SO MUCH has changed since then. That moment was a Catalyst for so many changes both good and bad. Life looked drastically different a year ago. Family looked drasitically different a year ago. I looked drastically different a year ago.

Time doesn't stop moving. It doesn't wait for you to be okay with the change it brings it just rolls over you as if you weren't even there. I know that God is doing things in me, but I still feel so many times as if I am carrying so many of my own burdens. I wish I was a person who could say, "Blessed be His name no matter what." This is just hard for me. I know that God is good and He is working all things for my good and His glory.

Back to Nashville

Back in Nashville friends for one more go around. I never would have imagined I would be here, Directing the thing I did as a student. I remember going to Centrifuge and idolizing the staffers, seeing their energy and thinking about how cool they were. I wanted to be them one day. Well, I have been them for several years now and now I am the person who is in charge of them. What a crazy and amazing ride. Fuge is just that thing for me that I stepped into and I just knew it was my place. I was made to do this and it has been an integral part of my spiritual growth for the last 5 years. I am now in one of those places where I just realize that it is impossible for me to do this job. I cannot do this job. I cannot Direct M-fuge Nashville. It is much bigger than me. 29 people between the ages of 20-30; 500-600 students and adults a week.
I am humbled and honored to have this opportunity. I dearly miss parts of my life in Fort Worth, namely my roommate. But I know that God has brought me here and I know that He has many things to teach me from this experience. So far it is going well. I am surrounded by an amazing team of servants and lovers of Jesus. We have one more week and then the kiddies come. Pray for me, for strength, for the leading of the Spirit, for my family. It is hard to believe that almost a year ago now my dad died. May 31st may be a very hard day. But God is good.

Gratitude

Its my last night at Southwestern for awhile and the one word that keeps coming to mind is...GRATITUDE! I can't get over how grateful I am for life, no matter how hard it is at times. I am utterly grateful for everything that I have been given because I came into this world with nothing. I have never deserved anything. And yet I feel like I have everything. I am perfectly loved by my family, by my roommate, by my Jesus!
Thank you Lord!

Heaven

I had my first massage today. It was quite possibly the most amazing experience ever. My roommate had talked a lot about how great they were and how she wanted another one and I had never been before, so I decided I would suprise her and we would go. It was money well spent. We did the hour long sweedish (just guessing the sweeds were an intrical part of its development) massage. I will admit it was akward and slightly uncomfortable at first. You know this random stranger rubbing on your unclothed back, but I got over that in the first 30 seconds of those 60 minutes. I then began to drool. I would reccommend this experience to anyone and everyone.

Urgency

It is only by the grace of God that I am what I am. All that I am not is afforded to His grace as well. This place, this year, this life, these experiences, God is using to show me just how close I am to self-destruction if not for His grace.
"For if every transgression and disobedience received its just punishment how wil we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?" Heb. 2:2-3.
I read this today and thought....what if only one of my transgressions received its just punishment?....I would be destroyed. If that is not a humbling thought I do not know what is. If that does not make a person urgent to take hold of their salvation I do not know what will.

Thoughts

At the Village Church last night Ben Stewart was preaching and if you can you should download the podcasts of him speaking the last 3 Sundays because it was AWESOME. It was about Jesus. It seems like that would be the obvious topic of discussion, but it isn't always. This was all about Jesus and it rocked! Last night he read from Colossians 3 and when it got the part about, "set your mind on things above" He said that spirituality begins in the mind. "What we think about we'll care about and what we care about, we'll chase." This is so very true. I know in my life it is.

The Church

Recently I was having a conversation with the college pastor I work for. He has a very northern, out-of-the-box mindset when it comes to church and Jesus, something I find refreshing at times. I was expressing my love for The Village Church and how it is a place I want to look into going. They have a rapid growing congregation and an excellent pastor, Matt Chandler. He, Vince, expressed some hesitation in my desire to go there. When I pressed him as to why he said, "I just think we really need to rethink church. He began to talk to me about the New Testament church, and the period of time between 100-200 AD and how it was the fastest growing time period for the church in all of history. They had no full bibles, no buildings, no lead pastors, no worship leaders, no programs and no heirarchy and when the church began to become insitutionalized, buildings were built (first around 250 AD) that rapdi growth was quenched. He asked, how much of the Village is unintentionally centered around Matt's ability to speak? How many of those members of the rapid growth are just people transfering from other local churches? What would happen if he were to leave? I was defensive at first and then he pointed me to this article and and a book he had read. I have not been able to stop thinking about this idea of church, what did Jesus establish it to be, what did that look like in the early church and how have we gotten it so far off track. I decided to do my systematic paper on the topic and I have been amazed at what I found. Here are some links and books if you are interested this is something very worth our time to research!
Leadership (Winter 2007)- We aren't about Weekends-http://www.ctlibrary.com/41509 (this is about a church 20 minutes from Forth Worth, I hope to visit it soon.
The Forgotten Ways- Alan Hirsch
From the Ground Up- Scott Horrell
The Problem with Wineskins of Today- Howard Snyder

We were talking in one of my classes today about affairs in marriage in how there is a myth that says affairs won't happen to growing Christians...This is what my professor said:
"Satan seeks to attack the credibility of the truth of the gospel."

Not a one of us are above any sin. We can at any time, if we let our guard down, be dragged away and enticed. I am beginning to fully grasp the Scriptures that say things like, "take hold of eternal life" "contend for the faith" "run with perseverance" "stand in it" "cling to what is good"

Kindness

"Therefore, anyone of you who judges is without excuse. For when you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things. 2 We know that God's judgment on those who do such things is based on the truth. 3 Do you really think—anyone of you who judges those who do such things yet do the same—that you will escape God's judgment? 4 Or do you despise the riches of His kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?" Romans 2:1-4

When I judge others I condemn myself because the the very thing I condemn in them I am unable to keep myself. It is not our judgment that leads people to Jesus, but our kindness. It was the kindess and mercy of Jesus that led me to his feet. It is His kindness and mercy that continue to draw me back. Why do we judge? We do we not see that we are the very thing that we hate, the very thing that Jesus spoke so vehemently against? We miss it somehow don't we? We miss what its all about.

Prophecy

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I have never spent much time thinking about whether or not I believe in the gift of prophecy at this point in time. I hadn't encountered it in real life, until yesterday that is. I took some college students to a place called Beautiful Feet. It is an amazing ministry for Homeless people in Fort Worth and they actually have a church. we went to the service to basically hang out with people. It was by the way an amazing church! I sat behind an interesting lady, who was filled with passion and danced during the worship. After the service she turned to me and began telling me all these bizarre things...things about myself. She talked about my gifts, things she saw in me, things I had been praying for. She spoke about how hard I am on myself. I must have looked like someone shot me, because I know my mouth and eyes were wide open in shock. I am not sure how I feel about that experience other than the fact I had never experienced something like that before. I am still in some form of shock!

hostile gospel

I am interested in your thoughts on this so please post comments...
"After we had previosly suffered and been outrageoiusly treated in Phillippi, as ou know, we were emobldened by our God to speak the gospel of God in spite of great opposition." ! Thess. 2:2

Within the gospel of God there seems to be an element that, almost naturally, stirs up opposition and disdain in the soul of man. Why? Man angrily rejects the truth that a free gift has been granted him if only he would take it. What is it in us that makes us that way? Is it pride? Think deeper. What is it that rises up in man when the gospel is given as the truth?

If a man began on a road trip with abosolutely no destination and at some point during his trip he realized he must have a goal. He must at some point decide where he wants to go. Would he then become hostile when the desitnation was revealed to him? Would he reject the one who gave him directions? Is this the sel-made man, or the "nuclear man" as Nouwen called it? The man who makes his own life, his own destiny, even if in doing so he is conforming to one or the other already chosen for him?

Biggest Loser Update...

I'm down 7 lbs baby. Maybe its water, maybe its fat, maybe I'm a weight loss machine!!!! Either way the scale says i'm lighter and on my way to being $90 richer! Only problem is there is a month and a half left...YIKES!

A light dawns
And the darkness cannot consume
For the seeds of righteousness
Begin to bloom
In my heart
and in my soul
Speaking in me the truth
That God is in control.

To Him be the glory in my life as well as in my death!

The Biggest Loser

For some reason I agreed to do the Biggest Loser competition with two of my coworkers. Yesterday was our first day, so we weighed in (not a pretty thing). The competition ends on May 18th, our last day of work. I figure either way, whether I win the $90.00 pot or not, I am a winner. I have a good shot. I am facing two big guys. Right now this doesn't seem like so much fun, lots of excerise, little eating, I'll keep you posted on how its going.

my selfishness hates your selfishness

I witnessed this moment on my flight yesterday that I have been putting a lot of thought into. You know that moment, I mean the very second, the plane has finished taxing up to the gate and everyone shoots up out of their chairs like their seat is on fire? They all the sudden have to get off the plane or they just might die? It never happens that you can just get off, you have to wait till they open the door, but everyone will stand up and get their stuff ready, I guess to save a few seconds. Anyway, this lady two seats up from me shot up and looked at the guy in the row accross the aisle and said, almost panicked, "Excuse me, I need to get my bag down I have a plane to catch in 30 minutes." The guy quickly complied. I then heard a lady two seats behind me say outloud, "Like none of the rest of us do." She said it to no one in particular, but really to everyone around her as if she hoped to find support in her disdain for this first lady.
I started thinking about that situation and about selfishness. The second lady was calling the first lady out on her selfishness, on the world being centered around her needs, but why did the second lady care? It had nothing to do with her, so why did it seem to affect her so? Selfishness is funny like that. If I am not concerned about my own well-being (selflessness) someone's selfishenss has no impact on me. But when another's selfishness begins to rub up against mine, that is when that "second lady" comes out. The selfishness of others is a threat to my selfishness, it rubs against it and makes me say and think things like, "As if she's the only one, I have a plane to catch to." If I wasn't selfish, or so concerned about my needs, lady one's comment would evaporate in the air. I saw more of lady two in myself than I would have liked.

Know thy self

This has been a year of realization and revelation. It has been both painful and powerful, it has been a catalyst for change in my life and in my heart, moving me to places I never thought I would go, strengthing my character, refining my faith in the fire, making me into image of Christ.
Something that has occured to me recently is that it is impossible to know yourself outside the realm of community. They say you don't know someone until you live with them, well I would take it a step further to say you don't know yourself until you live with someone. Its the eyes of other people that see you more clearly than you could ever hope to see yourself that you begin to see things that you never knew existed, both good and bad. You learn so much about yourself when you have someone who knows what you're like when you wake up, when you go to sleep, when you eat your meals, when you've had a hard day, late at night, when you cry, when you're goofy, when you're frustrated, in your every little comings and goings, when you interact with the world around you, when you interact with Jesus....this is the person who knows you better than you know you.
If you are every lucky enough to have a friend/roommate combo like this, one who deeply cares about you as a person, you will begin to learn things about yourself that you never knew existed.
I am THANKFUL for my roommate. She has taught me so much about life, Jesus and myself. She reinforces the good in me I fail to notice and she tells me when I'm being an idiot and couldn't be more clueless. I think this is the definition of community, of brotherly love. My heart is filled with gratitude.

A new way to pee your pants

So, this is both really gross and really funny, enjoy! So today Trey and I were going to go to Walmart really quick and buy a wireless router for my mom. I had some gym shorts on my floor I had worn yesterday so I put them on real quick and we went out the door. Halfway to Walmart (a 15 minute drive) I smelled something funny....then I felt something wet. Not just anything...one of my shorts legs. Yep, doggie pee. SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trey laughed hysterically and said turn around....I was determined not to turn around, but I was severly grossed out the whole trip.; YUCKIE!!

Spring Break 07

I spent my spring break in San Antonio, Texas with 60 college students, 1 charter bus, 9 soaking wet tents and 5 days of non-stop rain. We worked with the homeless in the city. It was an amazing trip for so many different reasons. We stayed in this gorgeous camp ground called Paradise Canyon, set on the Medina River fed by natural hot springs and surrounded by a rock face canyon wall. The only problem was it started raining on our second day, flooded our tents and soaked all of stuff. So all 60 people moved into this small cabin we happened to rent out for the week on the land. I have never seen community build like I saw there, constant brushing up against people formed this amazing bond.
While we were there I started reading this book called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. It is a autobiography of sorts of this guy is living out the Way of Jesus through his ministry to the poor. It is quite fascinated, convicting and down right disturbing. He is doing the very simple commandments in the bible in his daily life, the ones we like to idealize and never actually do, the ones we sit at Starbucks and discuss and never actually put into action. He says this about giving to charity,
"It is much more comfortable to depersonlize the poor so we don't feel responsible for the humna failure that results in someone sleeping on the street while people have spare bedorooms in thier homes. We can volunteer in a social program or distribute excess food and clothing thourh organizations and never have to open our homes, or beds, our dinner tables. I'm just not convinced Jesus is going to say, "When I was hungry you gave a check to the United Way and they fed me, or when I was naked you donated clothes to the Salvation Army and they clothed me." Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love: "you fed me..you visted me in prison, you welcomed me into your home...you clothed me."
Very interesting...so am I, by blogging about this, being another detached Christian who loves to idealize the way of Jesus or am I seeking to change my very nature and act on what I know to be the command of Scripture?

Series of Scripture Part 2

"And the Word became FLESH, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

The Word became flesh!!!!!!! Enough said! Thank you Jesus!

The odd fruit

I have recently seen this fruit everywhere, I have even eaten a few. I started thinking, "Why grapefruit?" I mean it isn't a grape, nor does it favor one in any form of fashion. It is also, not common to define a word with the word itself. Why add fruit to the end of name, isn't it obvious that is what it is?
It would be like naming a cucumber a "broccoli vegetable" instead of a cucumber and that is just absurd.
Any thoughts?

"There is nothing more ugly than an orthodoxy without understanding or without compassion."
Frances A. Schaeffer

A Series of Scripture

Chapter 1

"But in the past, when you didn't know God, you were enslaved to things that by nature are not gods. But now, since you know God, or rather have BECOME KNOWN BY GOD, how can you turn back agian to the WEAK and BANKRUPT elemental forces?"
Galatians 4:8-9

I love a few things about this passage of scripture. He is speaking to people who worship the law and refuse to leave it behind to embrace its fulfillment, the Christ. He says they are enslaved to things that are not even close to being gods. They are fully worshiping things that are lower in the creation order than they. I love Paul's description of those things, "Weak and Bankrupt." Its like he says, "These things have no power to save and no value whatsoever, in fact if you enslave yourself to them they'll take all you've got and leave you naked and lost.
Do not be overcome by the weak and bankrupt gods of your past and in this I am speaking to myself.

Growth

its been an interesting semester thus far. I have found myself nearly two months in wondering what I am doing here?....if I should be here?....what am I striving for?....Am I wasting my time? I think about Paul when he says that he doesn't beat the air aimlessly, he knew without a doubt what he wanted and what his goal was and all he did was for the purpose of that goal. Sometimes I feel like I'm beating the air, moving without thought or care, moving towards something all the while becoming nothing.
I met with the college pastor I work for this morning and I was voicing some of these things to him about my frustrations with seminary and wanting the degree, but feeling like I might be wasting my time and he said something that resonated with me. He said, "Well my reasons for going to seminary when I went were a little different. I didn't go to learn ministry, I went to grow in my faith and I got what I wanted and am all the better for it. He is a few hours shy of finishing his degree, but he has been doing ministry for a good while and he is changing lives. He is changing lives not because he went to seminary to prepare for ministry, but because he did what it took to grow in his salvation.
what if my mindset for all things in life was that....that no matter what I did it was a chance to grow in my faith. Examples: going places that make me uncomfortable, having challenging conversations. You know, even things you don't like to do. what if I approached my life that way? If I'm not getting something out of my current life its not the fault of my surroundings. Growth is not confined to circumstances, rather it is refined in circumstances.
Just some thoughts on my current place in life. There is more, so much more, but i have too much to do to share them now. Love to each of you!

It is amazing what nice weather can do for one' sense of morale!

So, more Fort Worth Randomness...
I drove by this sign yesterday of this little house that had just been turned into a beauty shop. The sign read,

"WANDO DO WONDERS beauty salon"

I'm thinking about going there to test out the slogan. You just never know!

sorry for the furlow...

I do believe that this is the longest that I have gone without writing. It makes me sad to because I love this outlet. Sorry to any of you who might have thought I fell off the face of the earth, although I sometimes feel as if that is what has happend as well. It is intersting because I feel like the last two months I have spent so much time thinking and yet not thinking at all and having nothing to post on here. Maybe its all just jumbled. I have had a harder time transitioning back into this life than I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, I love my job with the church and I love my middle schoolers (most days) and I love the things I am learning, but it all seems so fragmented, so heavy. I was at the middle school yesterday teaching my class how to cook mini pizzas and while we were waiting on them to cook I listened as they talked about all kinds of things (mostly things they should know nothing of) and I caught my self staring with my mouth open with absolutely nothing to say. I felt burnt out in that moment and kind of hopeless in that job as a ministry.
I read this this morning: Solomon is finishing up Ecclesiastes. This is the summation of all that he has learned from denying himself nothing. He says this:
"But beyond these, my son, be warned: there is no end to the making of many books, and much study wearies the body. When all has been heard,the conclusion of the matter is: fear God and keep His commands, because this is for all humanity." Ecc. 12:12-13

That really is all I want out of life...all else seems sort of like chaff that will blow away, excess baggage to be thrown off.

Its the little moments...

So, I am back to work at the Middle School. Back into the swing of working in the hood. I had the pleasure of witnessing one of those hysterical little moments that happen...ya know those little maybe 10 second humorous sights that you enjoy by yourself. I was walking down the hall and out of the bathroom comes this security guard lady (yes they have hardcore security guards there who do nothing really to make you feel secure) and I nodded. But when I did I looked down and she had LARGE sheets of toilet paper stuck to, not one, but BOTH of her shoes. She smiled and I held in my laughter and thought, "Man I'm glad I got to see that."

I then went into the bathroom and there was a sign on the wall that read...
"Please do not put paper towels in the TOLITES." -The Custodians
This got a little chuckle as well. Only at my school does the L come before the I.

Psalm 32

Quiet soul turn brittle bones
And er'e will be until we're home
Or till we purge the disease inside
The Genesis of all our sin, our pride.

Intern

So its official. I am the new college intern at Mckinney Memorial Bible Church in Forth Worth, Texas.
I have been working with their College Cru ministry on a volunteer basis for the last semester which has been great. I have formed a small group of girls and been meeting with them all semester. They are all great and have given me much joy. I am excited about what this semester is going to look like working with that ministry. I have wanted an opportunity like this for a long time and the fact that it is college ministry is perfect! To God be the glory!

The last night at home

It is here. It is my last night at home. It is my last night at home for a very long time and I must admit I am very sad. I did not think that I would be. I mean I love where I am in life. I love the world God has given me in Fort Worth. And Bishopville is dreadfully boring. I sit at home (and I mean sit cause I don't have a car, but I did walk to the dentist and the grocery store) from the time I wake up until around 6:00 at night when my mom gets home. But when I"m by myself, the time is pretty rich and when my mom gets home the time is pretty rich. I have prayed that God would push back the darkness that exists in my family and that He would use me where He saw fit to do it. He has been faithful in many ways. And I have seen His promises come true a little bit at a time.
I will be glad to go back, begin another semester, start work, continue to grow, but I will miss my home. I will miss my Mom. She is a miraculous woman.
Just as a side note, I found a very large frog in our den tonight. That type of thing doesn't happen in the city, although we have our fair share of creepy crawly things.

I was talking with Trey over the holidays about giving things up as a practice for discipline. We were brainstorming about things we could give up for 6 months. I found this article online today. A very interesting read. Check it out if you get a chance. Shopping Sabbatical

The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards

I was looking today for a particular quote from Jonathan Edwards about a resolution he made towards his own death. Instead I found his document of 70 life resolutions. I am still pouring over the first few. These are deep and they are challenging. When all I can come up with is "eat better" these make me ashamed that I have so small a vision for the next 365 days. Read thoughtfully and enjoy!

THE RESOLUTIONS
of
Jonathan Edwards

BEING SENSIBLE THAT I AM UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT GOD' S HELP, I DO HUMBLY ENTREAT HIM BY HIS GRACE TO ENABLE ME TO KEEP THESE RESOLUTIONS, SO FAR AS THEY ARE AGREEABLE TO HIS WILL, FOR CHRIST' S SAKE.
Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God' s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriads of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many soever, and how great soever.

2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new contrivance and invention to promote the aforementioned things.

3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.

4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.

5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.

6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God. July 30.

9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.

10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.

11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances do not hinder.

12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.

13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.

14. Resolved, never to do any thing out of revenge.

15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger towards irrational beings.

16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.

17. Resolved, that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

18. Resolved, to live so, at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.

19. Resolved, never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.

20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance, in eating and drinking.

21. Resolved, never to do any thing, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him. (Resolutions 1 through 21 written in one setting in New Haven in 1722)

22. Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.

23. Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God' s glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.

24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then, both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.

25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.

26. Resolved, to cast away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.

27. Resolved, never willfully to omit any thing, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.

28. Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.

29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.

30. Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.

31. Resolved, never to say any thing at all against any body, but when it is perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.

32. Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that, in Proverbs 20:6,‹A faithful man who can find?Š may not be partly fulfilled in me.

33. Resolved, to do always, what I can towards making, maintaining, and preserving peace, when it can be done without overbalancing detriment in other respects. Dec. 26, 1722.

34. Resolved, in narrations never to speak any thing but the pure and simple verity.

35. Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.

36. Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. Dec. 19, 1722.

37. Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent,- what sin I have committed,-and wherein I have denied myself;-also at the end of every week, month and year. Dec. 22 and 26, 1722.

38. Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, sportive, or matter of laughter on the Lord' s day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.

39. Resolved, never to do any thing of which I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or not; unless I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.

40. Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.

41. Resolved, to ask myself, at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly, in any respect, have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.

42. Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January, 1722-23.

43. Resolved, never, henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God' s; agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12, 1723.

44. Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. January 12, 1723.

45. Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan. 12 and 13, 1723.

46. Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eye: and to be especially careful of it with respect to any of our family.

47. Resolved, to endeavor, to my utmost, to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented and easy, compassionate and generous, humble and meek, submissive and obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable and even, patient, moderate, forgiving and sincere temper; and to do at all times, what such a temper would lead me to; and to examine strictly, at the end of every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning. May 5, 1723.

48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or not; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.

49. Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.

50. Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.

51. Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.

52. I frequently hear persons in old age, say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.

53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.

54. Whenever I hear anything spoken in conversation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, Resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.

55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if, I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.

56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

57. Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether I have done my duty, and resolve to do it, and let the event be just as providence orders it. I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty, and my sin. June 9, and July 13 1723.

58. Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May 27, and July 13, 1723.

59. Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July 11, and July 13.

60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4, and 13, 1723.

61. Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.

62. Resolved, never to do anything but duty, and then according to Ephesians 6:6-8, to do it willingly and cheerfully as unto the Lord, and not to man:‹knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord.Š June 25 and July 13, 1723.

63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. January 14 and July 13, 1723.

64. Resolved, when I find those ‹groanings which cannot be utteredŠ (Romans 8:26), of which the Apostle speaks, and those‹breakings of soul for the longing it hath,Š of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalm 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this, all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness, of which I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton' s 27th Sermon on Psalm 119. July 26, and Aug.10 1723.

66. Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.

67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what am I the better for them, and what I might have got by them.

68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

69. Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. August 11, 1723.

70. Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak. August 17, 1723.