Casting the Ballot

I performed my American duty this morning-I cast my ballot. I cast my ballot and I took an eternity to do it. I cannot recall the last time I was so conflicted about something as I was about this decision. This is the point where every staunch Baptist gasps and exclaims, "Are you serious? Didn't you know that if you're a Christian there is only one acceptable ticket to vote for and it starts with a "Re" and ends with a "Publican" I think that's the reason I am most conflicted...why is a republican ticket the "Christian ticket?" I can promise you I am not just spouting off ideas I have not thought through or things I have just heard other people say. I have agonized over this for months, wrestling with both sides of every issue in my heart since the tickets were announced. I have had endless conversations with people on both sides and people on the fence all of whom I respect very much. I think most Christians cast their ballot based on two key issues (both of which are important issues): abortion and marriage. Now lets look at this for a second. We want the government to regulate laws in these two areas that prevent other people (most of which are not Christians) from doing these things. We want the government to regulate Christian morals and tell people what they can and cannot do and yet what are Christians doing to protect the sanctity of marriage and the lives of the unborn? Christians have as high a divorce rate as the secular world. Christians, rather than suffer the shame of admitting they are pregnant or that they have a child who is pregnant will sneak in the cover of night and "take care" of the problem. If we as believers are motivated by neither law nor our salvation through Jesus to act counter-culture, what nerve do we have to expect the government to make laws that force others to do we do not do? Now I realize this is an over generalization, but this is still a real issue to consider. When have laws ever changed anyone? I mean we of all people should know that. We have the life of Israel right before us in the Word we hold dear reminding us that the law can't and was never meant to change hearts....Jesus changes hearts. And unless hearts are changed people will find a way. Do we want the government to regulate these things so that we can sit back and wring our hands and say our job is done? Do we want this so that we do not have to love our neighbor as ourself?

In many of my conversations with others more informed than myself or even others on the other side of the issue (and this is important because what good is it to only converse with those on "your side" of an issue) I have been asked, "What of the importance of helping other people? What about giving to the poor? What about building up a city and fighting for people's jobs and their health? Doesn't it seem as if these things line up much more with what Jesus spent his entire earthly ministry teaching about? Which candidate would we vote for if these things were important to us?

And if we were being honest with ourselves and we really were voting for a candidate based on morality, would John McCain be the best choice? Which candidate has been divorced? Which candidate left his wife for a much younger woman? Which candidate seems like he upholds "our family values"? I am not trying to judge the candidates, I am only trying to provide myself and others some honest perspective.

After reading this it may seem that you would know who I voted for, but you won't. I am not solid enough on any of these things, they are simply things I have been truly wrestling with. You want to know why I think most Christians have very little passion or conviction or knowledge about issues? Most have simply regurgetated what we have heard from someone else and never explored the other side with an open mind.

Ultimately the Lord is in charge of all of this. Paul is clear, "there is no authority except from God, and those that exist are instituted by God. For government is GOD'S SERVANT."

Birthdays

My roommate's birthday is just around the clock and I could not be more excited. What a funny and gracious thing, to take a day to celebrate the life of another human being. Birthday's are one of those sacred things in life that make us feel significant and valued. They are a chance for friends and family (and due to the introduction of Facebook even acquaintances or strangers) to take one full day and acknowledge and celebrate your life and value. We should do this more, ya know? We should celebrate others, celebrate their lives and their existence. Once a year we are reminded that we are alive, that we were born and that that is significant.
So in honor of this birthday we are taking an exciting trip. We are headed to my sweet East Coast. Tomorrow morning we are flying out to Atlanta to stay with my sister and Trey and from there we will head to South Carolina to the Clemson game in hopes the Tigers can turn things around for Melanie's birthday and my pride. It is going to be so fun. Melanie has never seen a Clemson game and she has never seen a true Fall season. We will tailgate, tour Atlanta, eat good food, play with dogs, and walk around the campus that I love so much and haven't seen in two years.
Here's to celebrating the life of another!

the weight of relationships

This is an excerpt from C.S. Lewis' The Weight of Glory. It is a heavy, thought-provoking idea that he presents on the weight of human relationships. It will make you evaluate every relationship you have ever had and every way you have ever acted towards another.

"the load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor's glory should be laid daily on my back, a load so heavy that only humility can carry it, and the backs of the proud will be broken. It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the weight of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization-these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit-immortal horrors or everlasting splendors. This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn. We must play. But our merriment must be of that kind which exists between people who have, from the outset, taken each other seriously-no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption. And our charity must be a real and costly love, with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner-no mere tolerance or indulgence which parodies love as flippancy parodies merriment. Next to the Blessed Sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses."

I like this song. It reminds me how fleeting earthly things are, how important, yet how difficult, earthly relationships are. Everything about our experience here on earth is coming to an end, its not a matter of if, but of WHEN. This is true of human relationships, the same as for anything else. They are the stuff that a good and full life is made up of. There is something deep and spiritual about them....knowing someone, being known, sitting with them, taking in life with them. For me this song reveals the difficultly of human relationships: the preciousness and value they add to life, the joy of being known and the awareness that if it were otherwise life would not be as good and then the flip-side of letting them go when it is time.

They were sitting
They were sitting on the strawberry swing
Every moment was so precious

They were sitting
They were talking under strawberry swing
Everybody was for fighting
Wouldn't wanna waste a thing

Cold, cold water bring me round
Now my feet won't touch the ground
Cold, cold water what ya say?
When it's such…
It's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day

I remember
We were walking up to strawberry swing
I can't wait until the morning
Wouldn't wanna change a thing

People moving all the time
Inside a perfectly straight line
Don't you wanna curve away?
When it's such…
It's such a perfect day
It's such a perfect day

Now the sky could be blue
I don't mind
Without you it's a waste of time

Could be blue
I don’t mind
Without you it’s a waste of time

Could be blue,
could be grey
without you I’m just miles away

could be blue
I don’t mind

Without you it’s a waste of time

Mouseketeer Part II

After the daring rescue of mouse 1 a few weeks ago, the coast has been clear. I began to think that things were safe and that the mouse and his friends had heeded my advice, but alas, no such luck. I was sitting at my desk yesterday when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked up to find a mouse scooting across my floor toward the bathroom. I jumped up, grabbed my tupperware container (because thats what the pros do I'm sure, to trap mice) and ran towards the bathroom. I looked everywhere...no mouse. It was like he disappeared into thin air, or a mouse hole maybe. The janitor brought me another one of those dang sticky traps, but I refuse to use it. I need to find some of those no kill traps. I will not pull another mouse off one of those things. It was tragic. I hope for the mouses sake that it is not the same one.

TV's 'Mr. Clean' dies at 92

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- House Peters Jr., a TV actor who became the original Mr. Clean in Procter & Gamble's commercials for household cleaners, died Wednesday. He was 92.

Peters died of pneumonia at the Motion Picture and Television Fund Hospital in Los Angeles, said his son, Jon Peters.

The elder Peters' most memorable role came as Mr. Clean -- a muscular man with a bald head, a hoop earring and a no-nonsense attitude toward dirt and grime. From the late 1950s and into the early 1960s, Peters Jr. helped advertise the famous household cleaner with the trademark jingle, "Mr. Clean, Mr. Clean."

Just trying to keep you udated on what is happening in our world!

The "Real World"

I have entered the full-time work force. I have lots of jobs, in lots of place, doing lots of different things, but I have never had a 9-6 Monday through Friday. What an adjustment! I accepted the Supervisor position for the after-school program I have worked at for two previous years. This is also the longest I have worked for one place. How did I get to age 25 and never work somewhere for more than a year?
Anyway, I am working between 30-35 hours per week. This has been an adjustment. I have said so much the last year or more that I am tired of this fragmented life; this life lived in sectors....ya know, the school sector, the part-time job sector, the friendship sector. I have been in school my whole life and I am ready to be able to have a career and put all of myself into one thing and plant roots in one place, working with and investing in specific people. This is still true, but man it is nice to have free time during the day between classes, to go and do, to run errands, to relax. A full-time job pushes that out the window. I have no idea how parents do it. When do they do anything for themselves? I have a whole new respect for my Mother!
Though I am not a school day teacher and I am not employed by Morningside Middle School, it is as if I am a school day staff member. Working at Morningside for two previous years has given me a great foot in door with relationships with school day staff. It has also proven to be very effective in leading the kids that come to our program. The after school program is designed to influence kids in a positive way during the time of day the stats show they get into the most trouble. I am so excited about this opportunity and I see more and more the vision that God has for my life and the gifts that He has given me. I have loved this ministry. I have loved working with inner-city kids and I could really see myself doing this kind of "youth ministry."
We have started off so well this year. I have two great returning staff, and two great new staff. We are busting at the seams with kids, almost to the point where we cannot take anymore.
Though the program is funded to keep kids out of trouble, we hope to change kids lives for here and eternity. I will keep you updated on how that is going!

a true mouseketeer

My first day back into my office was in the middle of August. I came up to the school to check on things. As I walked around I noticed one of our bookshelves was covered in this powder substance and a whole lot of mice remnants. When I say "a whole lot" I mean A WHOLE LOT! Apparently a bag of flour was placed in a garbage bag and put on the shelves for summer keeping. First off, if a mouse can chew through the flour bag, he will find the garbage bag a joke. So, anyway, all of these clues alerted me to a mouse problem in my office. So, last week I asked the custodian for a little mouse trap, which I placed on those shelves with a piece of granola bar. The trap went untouched for over a week.
Then suddenly, yesterday I was working at my desk and I heard a noise. I looked to my left, where we have this large metal file cabinet and a metal cart. Out of the corner of my eye I catch the back end of a little mouse jumping down off the cart and running in between the cabinet and the wall. I lept out of my chair and started the hunt. I had nothing but a round tupperware dish and my keen eye sight. I tore the room up and found nothing, so I decided to move the sticky trap to that area on the floor. I came in the office this morning reluctant to check the trap and sure enough there was Mickey, stuck as could be. My first instinct was excitement and my second was total sadness. It was awful to see him stuck to that death trap. He was so tiny and he was trying with all his might to pull himself off, but he couldn't. So, I knew I couldn't just let him die that slow miserable death. I picked up the trap, put it in this box and carried through the school to find the janitor to help me get him off the trap without killing him. Of course the janitor's response was, throw him in the dumpster! This was not an option, I was determined to save the little guy. So, I took him outside to a field and tried to get him off with a stick...this was a total failure. Suddenly I knew the only way that thing was coming off was if I grabbed him myself and pulled him off. You more than likely thinking at this point, "What is wrong with her? Please tell me she didn't!" Well folks, I did. I took my fingers, grabbed the little mouse and pulled without hurting him until he came off, which wasn't easy by the way, those things work. I sat him in the grass and he buried his head in a little ball as fast as he could. He was so tiny and so scared and I felt like an evil human. I understand we can't have rodents infesting buildings, and if it had been a large scary rat I might have done differently, but after watching the poor little thing struggle I just couldn't.
Call me crazy, call me gross, call me weird, I don't care. The little mouse lives another day!

Plane ride conversations

I got to fly to Atlanta afterall this past weekend. I had an amazing time with family for my sister's birthday. She is fantastic. She turned 23 on Saturday and it is hard to believe. I couldn't be more proud of her. She is married to an amazing guy, she has a beautiful house, a full-time job and two dogs. In most ways she has entered the adult world much faster than I have and I am learning a lot from her.

Other than a great weekend I had the neatest experience on the plane ride home. When I check in I always check to see what seat I am in. I was in the way back by the bathrooms and as fun as that sounded I decided to change seats to one closer to the front. I sat down next to this guy and we began talking. It turned out he is a camera guy for NBC The Today Show. I have become a pretty regular Today Show watcher so I was super excited about this encounter. He was on his way to Texas to try to get as close to the Ike aftermath as possible. They were supposed to land in Dallas and drive all night to Houston to set up by 3:00 am. We talked the whole way to Dallas about all kinds of things. He showed me behind the scenes photos of the conventions and McCain's exclusive interview, the Gustav aftermath, etc. He told me stories of being in Afghanistan after September 11th. I told him what I did and what I wanted to do. It was awesome. You never know who you are going to meet on a plane.

Hurricanes and Life Interuptions

There are many things I did not know about Texas before I moved here. I imagined hot and dry weather on miles and miles of dirt land and rolling tumbleweed. I admit it was a naive stereotype, but I just didn't know. Who knew Texas got hurricanes? I mean I am from the South East coast...hurricanes are a part of life there. Who knew Texas got spring storms that spawn of tornadoes as much as rabbits have babies? I certainly didn't know.
My roommate was supposed to be the Maid of Honor in a wedding in Lake Jackson, TX on Saturday. Lake Jackson is a coastal area near Houston. So the poor girl and guy had a shot-gun wedding last night and are now spending their first day as a married couple evacuating. Talk about a rough start.
I had a trip planned to Atlanta for this weekend to see my family and celebrate my sister and Mom's birthdays, but now that is up in the air.
My roommates family is evacuating with the pets up here to Fort Worth today. they live in the South East Houston area. IT should be an interesting weekend.
Of course Global Warming (which indirectly means President George Bush) is blamed for this. This is absurd of course to any rational, thinking being, who realizes that our need as a culture to place blame somewhere is ridiculous. When will we realize how little control we have? When will we realize that we are like flowers, that whither and fade? When will we realize that we are not in charge of this world? If people have managed to make it to adulthood without realizing these things it is likely they never will.

Cheap furniture 101

There are moments in life that make you feel good about being you. Ya know? Those moments when you know the answer to a question and nobody else does. Or those times where something is going wrong and you sweep in and with charisma (and humility of course) provide the solution every was looking for. I always enjoy the moments where someone asks me if I am in college and I get to say, "Why, I'm not in college. I am in Grad School" and I search the askers face for a sign that they are impressed.
There are also moments in life that make you feel like you should be back in kindergarten learning the basics of coloring in the lines. You think, "there is no way I'm in grad school" and "thank the Lord, nobody saw me do that." I feel as if I have more of these moments than the former. Today I set out to put together this bookshelf I got from Ikea, the world's leader in foreign, trendy, cheap furniture. They give you step-by-step instructions and they are really very simple. Its a bunch of boards, some wooden pegs and a screwdriver...a child could do this, really. So, I put this thing together, at a lightening fast speed. I took it into my room, set it where I wanted it and gasped as I saw my mistake. I had put not 1, not 2, not 3, but 4 pieces on wrong, with the colorless backside facing forward. So, now I have two options 1. take it all apart (which i don't think is possible) 2. buy some paint. So much for easy assembly.

Animal lover

Maddie

Bailey

Maddie and Bailey

I have always been an animal lover, but recently I have noticed a drastic increase in my desire to be a pet owner. Maybe its from being out on my own away from my family pets, maybe I'm just getting older or maybe I'm just obsessed. I want a dog, but not just A dog...I want every dog I see, and cat for that matter. Every time I see a dog I say things like, "Ooh a dog" or "Look a dog" or "can I have that dog" and a myriad of other phrases. I start talking to it like its a baby. Is there something wrong with me? My sister and mom both think I should forget about youth ministry and open a dog shelter (though the two are similar in some ways, just kidding). I, along with millions of other Americans, was outraged by the Oprah special on puppy mills and decided I needed to adopt a dog and I needed to do it now. Of course I cannot because the seminary doesn't allow it, though they should. I am a frequent visitor of the Fort Worth Human Society, which is a dumb idea because I go and of course I want dogs, all of them and I can't even have one of them.
One day I will have a dog...let me rephrase...I will have lots of dogs. I think people should adopt dogs...not buy them, but adopt them. There are shelters all over the country that have pure breeds if that is what you want. Too many perfectly good dogs are being killed everyday. And the thing that gets me fired up the most is how many of the dogs in shelters are there not because they are strays, but because their owners gave them up. Why are people dumping their dogs? On Craigslist there is a whole slue of dogs being surrendered by their owners...why? Dogs are part of your family. They are a member, entrusted to you. Why would people do that to their pets?

Anyway, I want to rescue dogs from shelters. My sister and brother-in-law recently rescued a dog to add to their family. They had one Basset named Bailey and they rescued another one from the National Basset Hound rescue named Maddie! I was so excited! This dog that didn't have a home and had been shuffled around all over the place, now has a loving family. Dogs are wonderful gifts! I am itching for my chance to saev one!

Colorado and New Mexico!

The Miraculous Staircase

The Native American Market

The Oldest House in Santa Fe

Random Elk

Rocky Mountain State Park

Say "No" to School

The moment has come. The summer is ending today. Though the official season is not ending, school starts tomorrow and to me, that is the official ending. I cannot complain, however, it was an amazing summer. It was the first time I got to choose the things that I would do with my time and that was a weird experience. Although, I still feel like I am deciding what I want to do with the time and it is already over. I had a lot of fun, ate a lot of good food, traveled and relaxed. Here is a list of my summer's top happenings.

1. Colorado/New Mexico Trip with the Stuff family. I visited 2 new states (Kansas and New Mexico)
2. Watching my friend Katie Hogue become Mrs. Mark Smyers! I love them both dearly!
3. Going to the beach in Galveston, TX
4. My Birthday....the Whole thing made possible by my roommate!
5. Going to the Concert in the Botanical Gardens
6. Watching seasons of 24
7. 4th of July cookout, Catz baseball game and amazing fireworks with Melanie, Adam and Donald
8. Snow Cones....lots of snow cones
9. Six Flags and Hurricane Harbor with my students
10. Reading Books not required by school!


As school begins there are many things to look forward to and here are a few of those.

1. Being the Supervisor for my after school program
2. Houston for Labor Day!
3. Going to Atlanta to see my family on my sisters birthday!
4. Going to a Clemson game for Melanie's birthday!
5. The Coldplay Concert in Dallas!!!!!
6. Thanksgiving with the Stuff's
7. Graduation with my Master's degree!!!!
8. San Fransisco with my roommate!!!!!

So this is what the summer is like...

So...since I was a high school graduate I have spent every summer in the "camp world." I was a rising high school senior the last time I had a summer to just work a normal job in the place that I lived. A lot of thing factored into my decision to forgo another summer of camp life. This was a hard decision in that it has been a way of life for me...it has been something that has shaped and molded me in a way that nothing else has, and part of me will always miss it and never want to stop. However, I was ready for a summer to stay where I live, to be all there, to relax a little, not be so stressed and hang out with my roommate and other friends. It has been a wonderful decision, one that I have not regretted at all. I have read and relaxed and worked and played. I have watched a Season of 24, gone to the beach in Houston, seen a dear friend get married (I have missed nearly every friends wedding due to camp life), slept in, gone to a concert in the Fort Worth Botanical Gardens and there is much more fun to come.
Here's to my first summer free.

random updates

It may seem that I have given up on the blogging world. I have found myself on somewhat of a furlow, writing every now and then, so we have a lot to catch up on. The past couple of months have been quite eventful. First things first. Melanie and I decided to move. We researched, found a place, paid some money, signed some papers, changed over all of our utilities and mail, packed up our ENTIRE apartment, picked up our keys and the night before our move-in-date decided we didn't want to move. We saw the apartment and it was nothing like the model (word to the wise: push to see the actual apartment, even if they push back and do not sign until you do, shockingly they look and smell nothing like the model). We got kind of sentimental after we discovered that our new apartment smelled like a smoky hotel and their were beer caps on our porch. You think after months of "getting the apartment read" they would have found a moment to pick up the beer caps and throw them away. So after a couple of tears, a lot of phone calls, some lost money and a lot of cleaning and unpacking we are still on Sandage Ave and we couldn't be happier.

I finished my 4th (2nd to last) semester in seminary. It wasn't a bad one. There is an edge of excitement as I move closer to finishing, but there may be in a me a greater edge of nervousness and sadness. I am nervous that the end of this experience will be a lot harder and sadder than I originally thought. Regardless of how wonderful or not wonderful this experience has been, it has still been just that, an experience...it has become my life for the last 2 years and familiarity is almost always difficult to give up.

May 31st marked the 2 year anniversary of my Dad's death. It also marks the anniversary of the beginning of the 2 hardest years of my life. So much has happened. I miss him. I would give anything to have him back.

I watched Oprah's follow-up show on puppy mills and I am inspired, now more than ever before, to rescue dogs....lots of dogs. I think that dogs are one of God's greatest creations.

This is all for now...more to follow very soon.

Roommate appreciation day...

Seminary has not always been a very easy place to be. It has been challenging and lonely, dark and frustrating. There have been good moments and joyous moments, lessons learned the easy and hard way. Friendships have come and gone, but one thing, other than the constant love of God, has been a consistent saving grace-My roommate. I could write pages about the undeserved blessing that friendship has been to me. God has used her to teach me so much about himself, myself and about life. I am not sure what this experience would have been like without that friendship. It is so true that community and deep relationships are so important. God uses them to refine us and to show his love to us. One day last week we were in the grocery store and I was asking my roommate if she had ever had strawberry shortcake using those round little cake bowls that come in packs. She said yes. I was telling her that my family use to eat those when I was a kid and how much I loved them. A couple of days later she surprised me with them for dessert. That really meant a lot to me that someone thought enough and cared enough to not only hear what I said, but to remember it and to act on it. Deep friendship are such a blessing and I find myself more thankful for my roommate everyday.

You do not have to live long to realize that life can be incredibly difficult sometimes. This, in itself, should be enough to let people know that things are not how they should be. Some of these things that are difficult are simply out of our control; they are the repercussions of the fallen world. Everyone knows what these are like; death, destruction, sickness, poverty, pain. Other difficulties, though they are ultimately a repercussion of the fall, are brought about by our own stupid choices. These are the most frustrating. If things were not hard enough sometimes we make choices that add to our difficulties. This frustrates me about myself. And it is not like I am ignorant. I cannot claim I didn't know better. I have the Word of life in black and white in my hands. I know the good I ought to do and yet I still choose the other. And then, this is the comical part, I seem surprised when the consequence comes. I should not be surprised. I knew better.
I use to be a person of deep faith. I am not sure where I lost it. My desire, my will, my heart feel tired and unaffected by the things of God. I wish I could blame my circumstances, Its just where I am...Its a tough environment, but this is a cop out. Do i think circumstances effect you, of course, but can they be fingered for the blame? No. All things, good and bad, if our focus is in the right place from the outset, will point us to the cross. It is not the circumstances.
I have never been a person who disliked where I was. I have always gone and done, traveled and worked in different places and I have never disliked any experience; that is until now. In a little over a week this semester will be ending and I have a lot of friends who are graduating and if I was honest I wish I were one of them. I have one semester left, 4 classes, 7 months. I do not want to be chomping at the bit to move on. I want to make the most of where I am, to be all here, to experience what the Lord has for me in these next 7 months with joy and faith. I think I have slowly become someone I do not recognize and because of that I have been trying to "get back" to who I was, but I realize this is not what God wants. We can't go back. Every experience we have changes us. God wants us to move forward. There is somebody he wants us to be. There is somebody he wants me to be.

The Core

I started this core plan diet through weight watchers with my roommate this week. You can eat as much as you want, but you can only eat things on this core foods list. As you could probably guess, core foods are very natural, non processed items.....items we eat sometimes, but not most times. You can eat fruit, vegetables, most lean meats, fat free dairy, and a whole list of things I have never heard of much less eaten. We went grocery shopping and it was not easy. The hardest part for me was the cereal isle. You turn the corner on the cereal isle and before you is a mile long sea of choices that could leave your head swimming if you were incredibly indecisive. I love cereal; i get this from my mom. We could eat cereal every meal of the day. But of this mile long sea of cereal, do you know how many choices you have on the core plan? 2....I found two. If it wasn't bad enough that you can only have one bowl of cereal a day...there are really only 2 choices. Shredded Mini-wheats with no frosting and no sugar and Kashi puffed 7 grain wheat. Now I was optimistic that with a banana and a positive attitude these choice cereals might not be that bad.....I was wrong. The mini wheats tasted a little less like hay only after adding Splenda. The Kashi....well lets just say there may not be enough Splenda in the world to make that taste good.
Lets just face it, you can't beat Frosted Flakes, Honey Bunches of Oats, Lucky Charms, Special K fruit and yogurt, Cocoa Krispies and any other childhood favorite. So, enjoy your cereal this morning and be thankful.

I am not an Oprah follower, as I know many are. She is famed and revered by so many people and now her new reality show The Big Give has gained her an even larger viewing, if that was even possible. I have watched the show twice and I have found it really cool to watch these people giving to total strangers. Something happens in the human heart when we do what the Scriptures have told us to do, even if we are unaware that they have said so. Last night on the show each contestant was given $100,000 in Miami, Florida. They had 24 hours to give it all away and they couldn't give away any cash, they couldn't give any one person more than $500 and they could not spend more than $10,000 in one place. Only one of them was able to spend all of the money in that amount of time. Some of them had some really creative ideas. The roadblock for many of them was not knowing the area and where to go in that small amount of time. So my roommate and I started talking...if that challenge was given to us, but we were allowed to do it here in Fort Worth, what would we do? Where would we go? How would we give what we had been given? I can't stop thinking about ideas. What would I do if I had those parameters and that much money to give? Here are some thoughts...
1. I would find an apartment building in a very low income area and pay the next months rent for all units up to my limit
2. I would go the Beautiful Feet Ministries and figure out their needs and help them out. Purchase coats from Burlington Coat Factory to take
3. I would find a day care center in a low income area and pay peoples child care for the next 2 months.
4. I would go to Petco and purchase dog and cat supplies and deliver them to the Humane Society of North Texas here in Fort Worth as well as paying for all the heart worm treatments needed for all dogs currently there.
5. I would try to find a nice restaurant that would allow me to bring in people from a homeless shelter or woman's center to eat a nice meal.
6. I would find a local college or university (maybe lower income) and give the school $10,000 dollars to offer 20 $500 dollar scholarships to students in desperate need.
7. A random shopping spree in a grocery store or a target.
8. One girl on the show bought all the flowers from a local seller and gave them out on the street...it was really neat.
9. One lady paid for people's gas at a gas station

These are just a few things I thought of and saw on the show. If you have any ideas let me know. What would you do? How would you give?

My Mom came to visit!!!

My Mom , My roommate and Me!This is my Mom!

We went to Sprinkles in Dallas and ate yummy cupcakes!

This is at the Sixth floor museum in Dallas, where JFK was shot.

This man is the oldest employee in Britain at 101 years of age! He is training to be the oldest ever marathon runner. CRAZY! He completed a half marathon recently in a little over 5 hours. I am ashamed of my self and my out-of-shape status when I view something like this.
So this should be motivation for us all...not only should this make us get out and work out, it should let us know that anybody....anybody can run a marathon, with a little determination!

Son of David

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me bleedin'
cause I need more now than a fairy tale,
a god who lives in a book.
I need someone real.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Come closer, closer to me.
Find me broken, find me on my knees,
cause I need more now than philosophy.
Some god in outer space doesn't mean anything to me.

So would you come?
Would you come?
If I begged you, would you come closer to me now?
Would you come?
Would you come?
If i begged you, would you come closer to me now?

Son of David, do not pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
Son of david, don't pass me by,
cause I am naked,
I'm poor and I'm blind.
by: John Mark McMillan

This is an amazing song.

Family

A lot of really difficult things have happened in my life in the last two years. I would say it has been the hardest time in my life to date. Most of those things have happened within the confines of my family. I have spent a lot of time trying to understand it all, trying to get my head around everything, trying to sort out feelings and deal with pain and loss and the what to do in the aftermath question. Though all of the tragedy had ended some relationships and drastically changed others, some relationships have begun to breathe for the first time in a long time. We have a small extended family and we have never been close to any of them really. In the picture above is my uncle, aunt and cousins. My mom's brother's family and they have lived 45 minutes away from me my whole life. We saw them on holidays and special occasions, but rarely any other time. I think family things were just always stressful and nobody really wanted to be around our family very much. In the last two years my family has spent more time with them than in the 20 years prior. It has been a blessing. It has been one really positive thing that has come out of a slue of really hard things. Above is a picture at my cousin Becca's pageant. She is a senior and she got second runner-up. She was really excited. I don't know why I am writing this....I guess because I realize more and more that the Lord is always doing something and though some things are really hard, they do not come without the reminder that God is faithful.

For many of us, we hear the words of the Lord and fail to put them into action. We read and hear and pray and yet we do not know what it looks like to live these things out and make them our lives. Sometimes, we never even consider working the truths and commands of Jesus out in our everyday life; we just read to read. At times I have read the words of Jesus and wrestled with what they look like lived out in everyday life. What would it look like to love my neighbor as Christ has loved me? What would it look like to love my enemies? What would it look like to keep treasure in heaven and an open hand when it comes to all my earthly possesions?
Well I saw, with my own eyes the Scriptures jump off the page and into someone's actions recently. I was on my way home from work last week on a very cold day. There is always at least one homeless man standing in the median by the interstate. As I waited at the light I saw him from a distance and I watched as a man got out of his car in a nearby parking lot. He crossed the street and all of the traffic, walked up to the man and gave him his own sweatshirt. The homeless man quickly ran off to put on the coat.
The words of Jesus, "For I was naked, and you clothed Me. Truly I say to you, as you did this for one of the least of my brothers you did for Me." Matthew 25.36,40
What would Christian's look like to the world if we actually lived out the words of Jesus in our everyday life? Isn't that what Christian's are?...Christ followers, little Christs? Isn't this the point anyway?

Crunch=Cash

Who knew that a small little mistake like backing into a car in a parking lot, and a small dent in the back of a car would be a 2,400 dollar mistake......YIKES!!!!!!! I will now begin maneuvering around in parking lots at the pace of a 90 year old handicapped woman (or man for that matter).

Crunch

Yesterday I had an idiotic tragedy. I was pulling out of the parking lot on campus after my 8 am class when I ran into the back of another car. I heard the crunch and I thought, "Please Lord! let that not be a car or a person!" It was a car. No damage would have been done if it were not for my trailer hitch. There was quite a nice dent in the back of that man's newer looking accord. Lots of people saw it and most of them were staring at me as if they wanted to see what I would do and for a moment I thought, most people (or at least some people) would get in their car and drive away, leaving the people to front the bill. As I was writing the person a note with my info, the owner walked up. I was worried, but he was so nice. He asked where I was from and said, its just a car. I was so grateful for his kindness.
Now I am not saying I am the exception to this idea that people flee from owning up. I had that moment of fight or flight too. Why is it that we avoid owning up to our mistakes? We do not want to take responsibility for our stupidity, unintentional harm or planned rebellion. We are okay with getting what we want and having someone front the bill for it. We do not take responsibility for our actions (unless of course they had a positive result and those we readily take credit for) I have a student at my work who I catch doing things all the time and she has never once owned up to anything. She looks me in the face every time and lies about it. Now I am not one to spiritualize everything, but how true is that in our spiritual lives? We took what we wanted, we forsook all God gave us and Christ paid the bill in our place. Even after we believe in Christ and what he did for us, we still go after the things that we want under the banner of grace, "Christ has already paid for it."
If we so readily turn and run from the consequences of our mistakes, knowing someone else will have to take the deficit, when will we ever be able to follow the example of Christ and sacrificially "take someone else's place?" When will be willing to help someone else our of their mistakes? May we be people of integrity, clean inside and out, who readily admit our mistakes and own up to our mess.

Tim and John

I had the most amazing evangelistic conversation on Friday. My roommate and I were at a conference in Austin, TX and we had a three hour break so we went to the mall to walk around. We walked for about 10 minutes and then decided to leave. On our way out these two guys working at a T-mobile Kiosk called us over to ask us what our bracelets were for. We told them we were at a Christian woman's conference. That began a 30-40 minute conversation about Christianity and the gospel. Both guys claimed agnosticism, but spoke like antagonistic atheists. It was obvious that Tim was very angry towards Christianity. He was highly condescending, mean and mocking. He would laugh at the things we said and make fun of them. The other one, John would laugh at Tim's comments, but he softened during the conversation and was much more interested in asking us questions and really hearing the answers. Tim said, "I have never seen anything in this world to make me believe there is a God." John told us about growing up in Indonesia and seeing all the destruction and oppression that religion brought upon people. I did not seem to matter what we said they had an "argument" for everything, but in all of their arguing they said nothing that was really against Christianity. They both agreed that religion was a crutch for people who couldn't take responsibility for their lives. Tim quoted philosophy telling us that all we could know for sure was that we were thinking beings and how were we supposed to know if anything was real, we could just be in a matrix. They both said that they had control over their lives and that made their own decisions and that if they were wrong about Christianity and went to hell that at least they made their own decision.
We told them about Christ and the gospel. We shared with them our believes. As much as they would let us talk we discussed the fallacy in their arguments. They just wanted to bring up absurd ideas. They were so empty and so angry. As we were about to leave, Tim was making really negative comments like, "Run along children back to your religion." I said thanks for talking to us and he said, "Thanks for wasting our time." I felt myself getting angry at him, so I reached my hand out and asked them their names. My heart has been so heavy for those two guys and I have not been able to stop thinking about that conversation. They hoped to knock us off our feet, to dispel our belief, but Melanie and I both left emboldened with a greater belief than before, so thankful for our salvation. They have faith in randomness, in self, slaves to sin and the world, not realizing that they, in their attempt to have their own "freedom" are found slaves. We are always slave so something and it is either Christ or sin. They think they have freedom, but they don't. I pray that the Lord will envelop Tim and John and that they will one day get on their knees and lift their hands to Him! It was an amazing experience getting to talk with them, one we didn't go looking for. Pray! Pray for opportunities to share Christ, it is amazing what the Lord will do!

I saw a man get hit by a car today...at least I think he got hit by a car. I was on my way to work and I was approaching a major intersection. I looked up and saw something in the road that looked like trash bags. A truck was stopped right behind it and as I came up beside it I noticed it was a man. The man was lying there, with two trash bags filled with cans and other things. He was trying to get up and he couldn't. He had blood on his face. I stopped my car, but there were already several people out of theirs helping them. I got out to make sure.
In the background I heard my cd player with David Crowder singing, All the love in the world, is right here among us and hatred too...so We must choose what our hands will do. And surely we can change something...
It was a weird moment, not fully sure why. I feel the Lord moving in me, speaking to me, calling me away to Him. Thank you Lord

$399.00 and up

I saw a sign today that really disturbed me. It was one of those marquis signs for advertising and it was in front of a small law firm in Fort Worth. The sign simply said...
"DIVORCE... $399.00 and up!"
I drove past and all I could think is.....Is that really what it costs? Want a divorce?...We've got a deal for you, and its only going to cost you $399. It kind of made me sick. It costs more than we could ever imagine. It kills your soul, beats you down, destroys children, steals hope. But hey, we want out, we want out now and we want out at the lowest monetary cost possible without thought or care for the other prices we pay. I would say the price is a whole lot steeper than $399.

tokens and transgressions

I recently started working with Mckinney Church again, but this time as the 6th grade girls intern instead of the college intern...quite the change! We did an all night lock-out last Friday night, which is actually similar to what the Chinese do to terrorists as a form of torture, only they don't eat pizza and play laser tag. Anyway, from 12:00 am until 3:30 am we were at this put put arcade place. Everyone had this giant cup filled with tokens and I began to play this one game with a few other kids. Its one of those games where you drop the token and there are two levels filled with tokens. The point is to get yours to land on the top level which is moving and push off tokens onto the next level, which push tokens over the edge and essentially wins you lots of tickets. This is the game that made me realize how easy it would be to become a gambler. I, along with several students, used all to most of our tokens on that game; just putting them in one right after another and each time hoping that this would be the big one that would put us on top.
I had a small revelation today that this is sin. I am not arguing that an arcade game is sin or that playing it was sin. I am saying that that is how sin works. We are drawn to something, see something, feel something, want something and so we test it out. We are looking for it to do something for us, fulfill something. Maybe it does, but even if it does it is only for a second. So we keep putting tokens in, each time hoping that this will be the one that leaves us needing nothing else. Just one more. Just one more. Just one more. It just never does though. There is nothing on earth that leaves us needing nothing else. It is only Jesus.

Luke 4

I am passionately in love with The Village Church, here in Texas. It has been one of the most redeeming parts of this whole seminary experience. I have never been and not learned something that seemed to shake me to the core. Last night was no different. Matt, the pastor, just has a way of communicating that leaves you wanting to hear more of the Word. The only explanation I have for this is an incredible gifting and touch of the Holy Spirit. Anyway, on to my point. Last night he preached through the temptation of Jesus in Luke 4. He pointed out that Jesus used Scripture as the answer to temptation. If you have at all been exposed to the church you have probably heard this same application. But Matt said it in a way that I had never heard before. He said that many times we think that Scripture is some kind of magic wand that we wave in the face of temptation to make it instantly disappear. It isn't a magic spell. Scripture is a lens, the only lens. I once read in a book that Jesus didn't come to establish another religion, He came to show us how things really are. This is what Matt was alluding to. The Scriptures show us at the deepest level of reality what the world is like. When temptations come they help us to see it how it really is. They show us the reality of sin, its death and destruction. They show us the true nature of life and joy and hope. They show us what God is like, that He is not holding out on us. They aren't our wand, they're our lens. We must know Scripture, hid in it, meditate on it, hold to it, because without it we cannot see rightly and we will always fall prey to temptation.

Paradise 2008

My first semester at seminary I was placed with my advisor, Dr. Richard Ross. Dr. Ross is a powerful man of God with vision and passion from the Lord. He told us in the first couple of months last fall that the Lord had been waking him up at 3:00 am with a vision. This vision woke him up every morning for a week. What he saw was a large open field, with a magnificent throne in the middle and young people coming from each corner to worship at the throne. After more than a year of praying, planning, consulting, sharing and dreaming Paradise 08 was born.
On May 25th, 2008 in a feild in Lacygne, Kansas, thousands of teenagers from all four corners of the U.S. will come to worship the King from sun up to sun down. No merchandise will be sold, no royalties will be made, no speaker will be heard, not stage will be present, no band member will be visible. For one full day, people will worship Jesus with no other agenda in mind. You need to check this out. It is going to be massive. God is doing something here, it is his vision, it is His glory.
Check it out Paradise 08

Good gifts

Matthew 7:9-11 says, "What man among you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

Jesus reveals a bit of the character of the Father here. The Father desires to give good gifts to His children. What are these good gifts God gives us? My professor told a story about his son when he was young. His son got a large splinter in his foot that broke off deep under the surface. My professor took one look at it and knew he had two options; take him to the clinic and let someone hurt him badly, or he must hurt him badly. As he and his wife held his son down his son said, "Daddy, daddy! Stop! Why are you doing this?" The father knew if he left that splinter in it would abscess, become infected, etc. Did this father give His son a good gift? YES!

We have such limited understanding. We believe that good gifts are health, wealth, comfort and happiness. What we don't see is that God desires our growth not our comfort and everything he does is for this purpose. Though we often miss it, God is orchestrating, moment by moment, opportunities for us to grow. This is how the Father gives us good gifts.

My first car wreck!

I had one of life's many firsts this past Friday evening. It was my first car wreck! 24 years without a wreck and then smash! I was leaving work at around 6:00 and I pulled into the far right lane headed home on Berry. Berry has three lanes on either side and I was approaching the major intersection that crosses over I-35. The light had just turned green and my lane was smooth sailing. The other two lanes were still stalled and what I didn't realize was that some of the cars had stopped to let this lady who was coming from the opposite direction turn across our lanes into a parking lot. What she didn't realize was that I was in the far right lane. She punched the gas to speed across and just as she did there I was...CRASH!!! Suprisingly there was no damage to my car and little (minus a large amount of black on her front white bumper) to hers. She was very nice and we had a pleasant conversation, but one of the first things she said to me (in a cool London/Ghana accent) was, "I am just glad I wasn't drunk." Yes, yes I am glad about that too!

"In this world men find themselves to be imprisoned. In fact the more profoundly we become aware of the limted character of the possiblities which are optn to us here and now, the more clear it is that we are farther from God, that our desertion of Him is more complete, and the consequences of that desertion more vast, than we had ever dreamed. Thier union with God is shattered so completely that they cannot even conceive of its restoration. The life is illusion. This is the situation in which we find ourselves. The question 'Is there then a God?' is therefore entirely relevant!"
Karl Barth

Man on the Marta

It’s funny how often God uses perfect strangers to speak truth into my life. When the words of those I know well fall flat and when the Scriptures seem like a foreign language, God sends an unsuspecting stranger. Tonight I met a man named Marcelles (pronounced: Mar-Sell-less). My sister and brother-in-law had dropped me off at the Marta station in Atlanta. I boarded, found an empty seat, inserted my Ipod earplugs and opened my Bible, staring at it more than reading it. I’ve had a rough go. I’ve found it very difficult to shake off the last two years. I had been feeling pretty discouraged about my life and as I sat there all those things weighed on my mind. I could tell that Marcelles was watching me and then he leaned in to get my attention. He asked me what I was reading and for the next 10 minutes he just talked and I listened. He told me about how he had been discouraged lately and how God had sent him to 1 John 4:16, “And we have come to know and believe the love that God has for us. God is love and the one who remains in love remains in God and God remains in him.”
He said that things can be tough, but that God is the God of all comfort and we cannot lose hope. We must put Christ first and do not give up. He kept repeating that phrase, “Do not give up!” He said that he just hoped that God has used him to encourage me and then he exited the train when it stopped.
It is one of those moments that you don’t tell anyone (or really even blog about) because you cannot do it justice. I just keep replaying it in my head…how I was feeling, what I was thinking, the things he was saying, the perfection of it all. God speaks to us. Even when we think He is nowhere to be found, He speaks; sometimes through a strange man on a Marta train.

Truth

Most people, subconsciously, spend their every ounce of energy searching for what is true in the world. I believe that even attempts to avoid truth are searches for alternate routes to truth. People should, however, spend all the energy intentionally and consciously searching for the truth and upon finding it, live it out. If I had, in my grasp, the truth about all of reality and chose instead to ignore it, supress it in fact and live for lies, would I not be the worst of fools? I would not have ignorance as an excuse. I would have no excuse at all other than my own stupidity. If we know what is true about life and what it means, why would we not spend every waking moment submitting ourselves to it and living out of it?
We know that Jesus is either a fool (off of his rocker) or the Son of God. And we know that He said, "I am the way the TRUTH, and the life, no one comes to Father except through me." And yet we still live as if he were simply a good teacher. We do not pour over His life, His movements, His Word and seek with our very soul to live out that truth. How can I be so foolish? The flesh is no excuse. Paul says, though we walk in the flesh we do not wage war as the world does. We know the truth, we have it. I have it. What am I doing chasing after lies, vanities, shiny gods that do not satisfy? I should spend every moment pleading for the Lord to help me close the gap between the reality of the way I live my life and His reality of truth.

Refining

It has been a very long time since I have written anything on here. i have no real reason for the hiatus. Maybe I have had nothing to say or no time to say it or maybe there has been too much to write about and not enough words to express it. I think the latter may actually be the case, but regardless I am writing, though even now I am not really sure what to say. Seminary is hard and at times it does live up to its alias "Cemetary." At times it feels like death or at least not like life, I miss feeling full of life, satisfied, joy-filled, glad to be where I am, fulfilling a purpose, supported and loved. The lack of this in my life is not the fault of Seminary. Seminary has simply amplified what has been a tough two year go. I am beginning to see the toll this last two years has taken on my heart. It is heavy, hardened, not expectant and not full of life. I guess life just feels this way sometime. I think more than anything most aspects of my current life feel unstable. I wish that I could say that these things have driven me to a deeper walk with Jesus and maybe in ways unseen it has, but I have found it difficult to stir up my affections for Christ. Though I believe His ways are true, I have felt little comfort in that. More than anything I feel like God has used these last two years to "kill" things in me. I feel like He is purging me, squeezing out ugliness in me, pressing on wounded places and I know that those things are good. I will be glad in the long run that He has done that, but mostly I wish I could feel His arms around me telling me its going to be okay, rather than His refining fire. Maybe for God they are one in the same. My best friend can put her arms around me and I can feel comforted, but for God comfort and love may look more different than anything humanity can offer to each other.

Joy and Pain
Sun and Rain
You're the same
You never let go

Joy and Pain
Sun and Rain
You're the same
You never let go

New Music

If you love music and you are a person who is easily touched and moved to worship through music I have a few suggestions for you. First you must go to itunes and download the song "Glorious Day" it is on Jeff Johnson's new album and in the words of my brother in law "it doesn't suck." That song rips me apart every time I here it.
Secondly, I went down to Waco Monday night with some great friends to UBC to be a part of the David Crowder Band Cd release party and that didn't suck either, neither does their new cd remedy. You should go out and purchase this one as well. They talked about their last cd Collide and how it was all about death and the heaviness, yet victory in death and shortly after they expereined the tragic death of their pastor Kyle Lake. The new CD Remedy is the music they made coming out on the other side of that tragedy and it is amazing.

This Day- Micah Dalton

"Cruficy this day
So that I might see the way
And love your Beloved
Show your Resurection
Through the way you kill my pride
Please take control
Please take control
Let me dwell

Let your life live on through me
Let your breath breathe on through me
So that they can see in me
How you, you've loved me"

I love my job. I have the greatest job in the entire world. I get paid, quite a lot actually, to hang out with inner city kids everyday and teach whatever fun thing I can dream up. This 6 weeks that happens to be soccer (a sport I have played very little, ha) and survivor (outdoor living skills). Outdoor living skills with these kids is a trip. I gave them a mini quiz yesterday to test what they know and one question asked what the first thing you should do when you notice someone lying down injured. I gave them some options and I was listing the options one girl said (in true black girl tone) "You gotta check and see if he dead." I almost wet my pants. SO FREAKIN FUNNY! She was actually kind of right I guess if I wasn't going to be very technical. Praise God for ghetto middle schoolers.

Life can be incredibly lonley at times. I am not sure how people without the hope of Jesus survive. It is only by his light that any of this world's nonsense, begins to somewhat make sense.

funny

I read this this morning and it is definately one of those comical moments with the over zealous disciples and Jesus. I imagined Jesus rolled his eyes as he rebuked them. What were the disciples thinking....I mean picture this happening in your local church. Read and chuckle accordingly...

"When the days were coming to a close for Him to be taken up, He determined to journey to Jerusalem. He sent messangers ahead of him and on the way they entered a village of the Samaritans to make preparations for Him. But they did not welcome him, because He determined to journey to Jerusalem. When the disciples james and John saw this, they said, 'Lord, do you want us to call down fire from heaven to consume them?' But He turned and rebuked them and they went to another village."
Luke 9:51-56

Today I am thankful for...
life
my sister
starbucks icecream
my professors who truly love Jesus
deep laughter with my best friend
the smell of rain
love

Have you ever had those moments where you doubt?...but not where you doubt God, you doubt yourself? You know with all of your heart that God is faithful and desires what is best for you...that is never the question. The question is, Do my desires cloud what God wants? I am seeking what God wants? I am able to discern if this is something God wants or simply something I want for myself? I think this is so hard. Of course what God wants is so good...but how do I know what He wants? And not his general will, that I would glorify him, that I would share his gospel, etc.....but his specfic will for my life.
This is no new struggle...it has been around as long as humanity has. I want so badly to walk in step with Jesus, I simply fear that my steps will get in the way of His. Jesus, lead me.

living beneath the cross

In a section on confession in the book The Celebration of Discipline, Foster quotes Detriech Bonhoeffer.
How do we learn to receive the confessions of our brothers? By living under the cross!
"Anybody who lives beneath the Cross and who has discerned inthe Cross of Jesus the utter wickedness of all men and of his own heart will find there is no sin that can ever be alien to him. Anybody who has once been horrified by the dreadfulness of his own sin that nailed Jesus to the Cross will no longer be horrified by even the rankest sins of a brother."

Jesus, take me to the place beneath your Cross where this kind of transformation happens!

Jesus is so good. He shows himself more and more faithful to me everyday that goes by. He shows that if you will lay down your baggage and pick up his cross, the burden (miraculously so) is easy and light. I am thankful for so many things, but above all I am thankful for the mercy and unconditional love of Jesus. When I fail, His faithful love most certianly remains. I was reading in Nehemiah for one of my classes tonight and it was talking about Israel when they held a worship service of sorts. They were in captivity in the land they were promised because they were disobedient. They were standing up and recounting the history of Israel and all the things that God had done for them and how many times He had delivered him and almost at the moment of their deliverance they again turned from him. As soon as they found relief they needed him no more. There is one passage that says, "Therefore, you handed them over to the surrounding peoples. However, in your abundant compassion you did not destroy them or abandon them." He handed them over, but he never left them. He NEVER LEFT! Unbelievable!

evolution

The foundation we build our life upon inevitably shapes the way we view our world. I read an article today about a disovery made in Kenya. They found a human skull (homo erectus) in the same layer of earth that they have found other skulls (homo habilis) of apes. The Christian hears about this and immediately sees it as further proof of the almightly Creator God. The article I read today on cnn.com indicated quite the opposite. It is their position that this finding strengthens the case of evolution.
The things of God are foolishness to those who are perishing. The heart, the soul, the evidence, existence, everything points to a sovereign Creator God and yet those whose hearts are set agianst him will use anything they can to deny His existence. If God himself came down and they were able to view Him in all His glory, might they still turn away?

There is this song by Hillsong called and it says,
"In the middle of the world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the seems
There is one thing to be alive for
And it is to take up my cross and follow you Lord"

I bought a really nice laserjet printer on Saturday. Sent the rebate in so I could get half my money back. Spent two hours on Sunday trying to hook it up and when it wouldn't work called techinical support on Monday morning to see why. Turns out its not compatible with a Mac. I need the 1022, not the 1018. Come on world....CATCH UP!!!!!!! Mac is leaving you behind! I will sadly return the printer today.

a different kind of homeless

Seminary housing is not your middle/upper class suburb. In fact, it is nestled in a very rundown area of town. Less than a mile away from my apartment, at the end of our street there is a man who lives in a storage unit. Yes, you read it right, he lives there. Its not exceptionally large, one you could store your extra car in. It is actually rather small. At night he will have the door open and when you look in, it is packed high with his belongings and there is a space cleared out in the middle with a chair. He has a bike, that I assume he rides to work. Last night I drove by and he was there. He was sitting at the edge with the door open petting a stray cat, or maybe it was his cat...who knows. I was so intrigued, that as I turned down my street I looked back to take one last glance and ran my car up on the curb. Everything was fine and I felt like an idiot, but I wasn't staring that stare that made him out to be some kind of anamoly, like an odd zoo animal. I am not sure why, but I am very interested in that man's life. Where is he from? how did he get here? How long has he lived like that? Is that his preference? Where is his family? Does he have faith? He lives at the edge of seminary property and I wonder, how many, if any, believers have ever befriended him. I wonder if he knows Jesus. I wonder what he would say if we asked him over for dinner one night. My heart is burdened for him.

Desperate for all you are
I chase your heart
Find me here
Find me faithful
On my knees
Against the tide

Glorious Day

One day when heaven is filled with HIs praises
One daY when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
dwelt among men my example is He

living he loved me
dieing he saved me
buried he carried my sins far way
rising he justified
freely forever
one day He's coming
what a glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish despised and rejected
bearing our sins my redeemer is He

One day the grave could conceal him no longer
one day the stone rolled away from the door
then he arose for death he had conquered
now he's ascended my Lord evermore.

Greatness

I recently dove into a must read. The Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster....AMAZING!!!! The most amazing chapter so far is the one on Submission...I know, crazy....who would have thought. It really strips every preconceived notion about the word submission away and replaces all the evangelical fluff with the true radical meaning of the word. Here is an excerpt...

"When Jesus gathered his disciples for the Last Supper they were having trouble deciding who was the greatest. This was no new issue for them. "And an agrument arose among them as to which of them was the greatest" (Lk 9:46) Whenever there is trouble over who is the greatest, there is trouble over who is the least. Most of us know we will never be the greatest; just don't let us be the least.
Gathered at the Passover feast the disciples were keenly aware that someone needed to wash the others' feet. The problem was that the only people who washed feet were the least. So there they sat, feet caked with dirt. No one wanted to be considered the least. Then Jesus took a towl and a basin and redefined greatness."

INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!

I finished one of the hardest jobs I have ever done, spent two weeks at "home" and now I am back in Texas. What a whirlwind. I am relieved for a break from massive amounts of responsibility. I am relieved to be in a place where i am not starting over, I am in a familiar place, with familiar people and another chance. Who knows what could happen this year. So much happened in the last one.

So much change....so little time to adjust. You just have to pick yourself up off the floor and keep moving.

I read this today...

"Not too long ago a priest told me he cancelled his subscription to the New York Times because he felt the endless stories of war, crime, power games anad political manipulation only distrubed his mind and heart and prevented him from mediation and prayer."

"That is a sad story because it suggests that only by denying the world can you live in it, that only by surrounding yourself by an artificial, self-induced quietude can you live a spiritual life. A real spiritual life does exactly theopposite: it makes us so alert and aware of the world around us, that all that is and happens becomes part of our cotemplation and meditation and invites us to a free and fearless response."
Reaching Out- Henri Nouwen

Marriage

My sister got married this weekend. It was one of those times that was so very serile for me. So many worlds collided in one weekend and I had trouble getting my head around what was happening. I am living in Fort Worth, but working at camp in Nashville, but I drove to Clemson where my whole family and many of my friends from college were waiting to watch my baby sister get married. It almost didn't seem real. I think it was good for me and I think in many ways God surfaced a lot of fears of mine and began to confront them right on the spot. I think I have this aversion towards marriage. I am terrified of it and yet on some level, in small moments desire it. When I dwell on the idea of it it makes me feel so uncomfortable and yet a part of me desires it. I have watched Lauren and Trey and seen the miracle He did in her life through that relationship. He used Trey to teach her that love was a good thing, that marriage (good marriage) was possible as well as proper. I have such a long way to go, so many fears to overcome and put aside. I do not want to wake up one day 10 years from now and realize how much I missed out on simply because I was fearful. That seems sad to me.
I love my sister and I am so happy for her and I only hope that one day I am as lucky as she!

Lessons

Life is funny. It seems at times its all about lessons, learning life lessons. It goes with the old adage, "You live and you learn." It seems unfair that most of the time the learning is found in retrospect rather than in the preface or the process. By the time the lessons are learned, the moment has passed. At the end of it all we will have learned millions of lessons, mostly from the things we did wrong, with little time left to apply what we've learned. It seems harsh at times. Most people would say its the experience that matters, that experience is the best teacher. And though I know in my heart this is true it doesn't make the most difficult of "experiences" any easier.

Life

Life is hard. Life is hard and I am exhausted!

Leadership

THis is the hardest job I have ever done! At the end of a week I am spent in every way possible. I have nothing left to give! I have realized just how tough it is to be a leader. Leadership is a reflection of who you are as a person. You are judged as a person based on how well you do your job as a leader. There is a lot of pressure wrapped up in that. It is a lonely job at times. I realized how great it is to simply be loved because of who you are. My roommate reminded me of this this weekend. It is so nice to be loved unconditionally simply for who you are and not because of what you do. This has not been a bad experience at all, just a difficult one. I am learning a lot. I miss Fort Worth and I miss my roommate!

my great friend!!!!!!!

I miss my best friend. I have had a lot of friendship in my life, but I do not think I have ever been as grateful for one as I am for this one. I am blessed beyond belief to know her, to get to live with her and to call her friend. I learn a lot about life and God from our relationship. She is coming to Nashville in 2 days and I am THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Life is so much better with friendships!!!!

I miss my Dad

I sat down at dinner tonight with this man and there was something sarile and familiar about him. I began to talk to him and his wife and soon realized what it was. They were a middle-aged couple maybe in their 50's. It hit me halfway through my dinner that this man reminded me of my Dad. They had so many similarities both in manerism and physcial appearance. He was a bigger guy with tan leathered-like skin. He had freckles and the same hair color as my Dad. He had a bald spot on the top of his head. The more I talked to this man the more it made me feel at home. In that moment I missed my Dad terribly. For the first time in a while I really MISSED him. I would give anything to be able to sit in front of my Dad and just talk to him. It is not a miss like, I haven't seen him in awhile and I would like to see him...it is a deep seeded, permanent miss. I saw that man later at worship and I could barely keep my tears down. he was sitting with his students in worship. It was a very sad moment for me.

Wiped out

I am not sure I have ever been so tired in my life. This job is the most mentally, emotionally taxing job I have ever done. I am glad I am here most of the time, but some days I wonder why God decided this would be a good idea. At the end of the day (which is always way later than it should be) I really have NOTHING left and maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. I don't know.

One Year

Anniversaries are always weird no matter what they are. It always seems that time flies and yet in some respects goes by so slowly. I can look back over a period of time and see how it went so quickly and yet at the same time feel that the start of it was years ago. Ya know? Time is just a weird deal. It is nearly impossible for me to believe that a year ago today my Dad's life ended. It is even weirder to know that I was in this exact same place when it happened, Nashville Tennessee, Belmont M-fuge. It feels like yesterday. It feels like a moment ago. In some ways it feels like right now. And yet SO MUCH has changed since then. That moment was a Catalyst for so many changes both good and bad. Life looked drastically different a year ago. Family looked drasitically different a year ago. I looked drastically different a year ago.

Time doesn't stop moving. It doesn't wait for you to be okay with the change it brings it just rolls over you as if you weren't even there. I know that God is doing things in me, but I still feel so many times as if I am carrying so many of my own burdens. I wish I was a person who could say, "Blessed be His name no matter what." This is just hard for me. I know that God is good and He is working all things for my good and His glory.

Back to Nashville

Back in Nashville friends for one more go around. I never would have imagined I would be here, Directing the thing I did as a student. I remember going to Centrifuge and idolizing the staffers, seeing their energy and thinking about how cool they were. I wanted to be them one day. Well, I have been them for several years now and now I am the person who is in charge of them. What a crazy and amazing ride. Fuge is just that thing for me that I stepped into and I just knew it was my place. I was made to do this and it has been an integral part of my spiritual growth for the last 5 years. I am now in one of those places where I just realize that it is impossible for me to do this job. I cannot do this job. I cannot Direct M-fuge Nashville. It is much bigger than me. 29 people between the ages of 20-30; 500-600 students and adults a week.
I am humbled and honored to have this opportunity. I dearly miss parts of my life in Fort Worth, namely my roommate. But I know that God has brought me here and I know that He has many things to teach me from this experience. So far it is going well. I am surrounded by an amazing team of servants and lovers of Jesus. We have one more week and then the kiddies come. Pray for me, for strength, for the leading of the Spirit, for my family. It is hard to believe that almost a year ago now my dad died. May 31st may be a very hard day. But God is good.

Gratitude

Its my last night at Southwestern for awhile and the one word that keeps coming to mind is...GRATITUDE! I can't get over how grateful I am for life, no matter how hard it is at times. I am utterly grateful for everything that I have been given because I came into this world with nothing. I have never deserved anything. And yet I feel like I have everything. I am perfectly loved by my family, by my roommate, by my Jesus!
Thank you Lord!

Heaven

I had my first massage today. It was quite possibly the most amazing experience ever. My roommate had talked a lot about how great they were and how she wanted another one and I had never been before, so I decided I would suprise her and we would go. It was money well spent. We did the hour long sweedish (just guessing the sweeds were an intrical part of its development) massage. I will admit it was akward and slightly uncomfortable at first. You know this random stranger rubbing on your unclothed back, but I got over that in the first 30 seconds of those 60 minutes. I then began to drool. I would reccommend this experience to anyone and everyone.

Urgency

It is only by the grace of God that I am what I am. All that I am not is afforded to His grace as well. This place, this year, this life, these experiences, God is using to show me just how close I am to self-destruction if not for His grace.
"For if every transgression and disobedience received its just punishment how wil we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?" Heb. 2:2-3.
I read this today and thought....what if only one of my transgressions received its just punishment?....I would be destroyed. If that is not a humbling thought I do not know what is. If that does not make a person urgent to take hold of their salvation I do not know what will.

Thoughts

At the Village Church last night Ben Stewart was preaching and if you can you should download the podcasts of him speaking the last 3 Sundays because it was AWESOME. It was about Jesus. It seems like that would be the obvious topic of discussion, but it isn't always. This was all about Jesus and it rocked! Last night he read from Colossians 3 and when it got the part about, "set your mind on things above" He said that spirituality begins in the mind. "What we think about we'll care about and what we care about, we'll chase." This is so very true. I know in my life it is.

The Church

Recently I was having a conversation with the college pastor I work for. He has a very northern, out-of-the-box mindset when it comes to church and Jesus, something I find refreshing at times. I was expressing my love for The Village Church and how it is a place I want to look into going. They have a rapid growing congregation and an excellent pastor, Matt Chandler. He, Vince, expressed some hesitation in my desire to go there. When I pressed him as to why he said, "I just think we really need to rethink church. He began to talk to me about the New Testament church, and the period of time between 100-200 AD and how it was the fastest growing time period for the church in all of history. They had no full bibles, no buildings, no lead pastors, no worship leaders, no programs and no heirarchy and when the church began to become insitutionalized, buildings were built (first around 250 AD) that rapdi growth was quenched. He asked, how much of the Village is unintentionally centered around Matt's ability to speak? How many of those members of the rapid growth are just people transfering from other local churches? What would happen if he were to leave? I was defensive at first and then he pointed me to this article and and a book he had read. I have not been able to stop thinking about this idea of church, what did Jesus establish it to be, what did that look like in the early church and how have we gotten it so far off track. I decided to do my systematic paper on the topic and I have been amazed at what I found. Here are some links and books if you are interested this is something very worth our time to research!
Leadership (Winter 2007)- We aren't about Weekends-http://www.ctlibrary.com/41509 (this is about a church 20 minutes from Forth Worth, I hope to visit it soon.
The Forgotten Ways- Alan Hirsch
From the Ground Up- Scott Horrell
The Problem with Wineskins of Today- Howard Snyder