New Music

If you love music and you are a person who is easily touched and moved to worship through music I have a few suggestions for you. First you must go to itunes and download the song "Glorious Day" it is on Jeff Johnson's new album and in the words of my brother in law "it doesn't suck." That song rips me apart every time I here it.
Secondly, I went down to Waco Monday night with some great friends to UBC to be a part of the David Crowder Band Cd release party and that didn't suck either, neither does their new cd remedy. You should go out and purchase this one as well. They talked about their last cd Collide and how it was all about death and the heaviness, yet victory in death and shortly after they expereined the tragic death of their pastor Kyle Lake. The new CD Remedy is the music they made coming out on the other side of that tragedy and it is amazing.

This Day- Micah Dalton

"Cruficy this day
So that I might see the way
And love your Beloved
Show your Resurection
Through the way you kill my pride
Please take control
Please take control
Let me dwell

Let your life live on through me
Let your breath breathe on through me
So that they can see in me
How you, you've loved me"

I love my job. I have the greatest job in the entire world. I get paid, quite a lot actually, to hang out with inner city kids everyday and teach whatever fun thing I can dream up. This 6 weeks that happens to be soccer (a sport I have played very little, ha) and survivor (outdoor living skills). Outdoor living skills with these kids is a trip. I gave them a mini quiz yesterday to test what they know and one question asked what the first thing you should do when you notice someone lying down injured. I gave them some options and I was listing the options one girl said (in true black girl tone) "You gotta check and see if he dead." I almost wet my pants. SO FREAKIN FUNNY! She was actually kind of right I guess if I wasn't going to be very technical. Praise God for ghetto middle schoolers.

Life can be incredibly lonley at times. I am not sure how people without the hope of Jesus survive. It is only by his light that any of this world's nonsense, begins to somewhat make sense.

funny

I read this this morning and it is definately one of those comical moments with the over zealous disciples and Jesus. I imagined Jesus rolled his eyes as he rebuked them. What were the disciples thinking....I mean picture this happening in your local church. Read and chuckle accordingly...

"When the days were coming to a close for Him to be taken up, He determined to journey to Jerusalem. He sent messangers ahead of him and on the way they entered a village of the Samaritans to make preparations for Him. But they did not welcome him, because He determined to journey to Jerusalem. When the disciples james and John saw this, they said, 'Lord, do you want us to call down fire from heaven to consume them?' But He turned and rebuked them and they went to another village."
Luke 9:51-56

Today I am thankful for...
life
my sister
starbucks icecream
my professors who truly love Jesus
deep laughter with my best friend
the smell of rain
love

Have you ever had those moments where you doubt?...but not where you doubt God, you doubt yourself? You know with all of your heart that God is faithful and desires what is best for you...that is never the question. The question is, Do my desires cloud what God wants? I am seeking what God wants? I am able to discern if this is something God wants or simply something I want for myself? I think this is so hard. Of course what God wants is so good...but how do I know what He wants? And not his general will, that I would glorify him, that I would share his gospel, etc.....but his specfic will for my life.
This is no new struggle...it has been around as long as humanity has. I want so badly to walk in step with Jesus, I simply fear that my steps will get in the way of His. Jesus, lead me.

living beneath the cross

In a section on confession in the book The Celebration of Discipline, Foster quotes Detriech Bonhoeffer.
How do we learn to receive the confessions of our brothers? By living under the cross!
"Anybody who lives beneath the Cross and who has discerned inthe Cross of Jesus the utter wickedness of all men and of his own heart will find there is no sin that can ever be alien to him. Anybody who has once been horrified by the dreadfulness of his own sin that nailed Jesus to the Cross will no longer be horrified by even the rankest sins of a brother."

Jesus, take me to the place beneath your Cross where this kind of transformation happens!

Jesus is so good. He shows himself more and more faithful to me everyday that goes by. He shows that if you will lay down your baggage and pick up his cross, the burden (miraculously so) is easy and light. I am thankful for so many things, but above all I am thankful for the mercy and unconditional love of Jesus. When I fail, His faithful love most certianly remains. I was reading in Nehemiah for one of my classes tonight and it was talking about Israel when they held a worship service of sorts. They were in captivity in the land they were promised because they were disobedient. They were standing up and recounting the history of Israel and all the things that God had done for them and how many times He had delivered him and almost at the moment of their deliverance they again turned from him. As soon as they found relief they needed him no more. There is one passage that says, "Therefore, you handed them over to the surrounding peoples. However, in your abundant compassion you did not destroy them or abandon them." He handed them over, but he never left them. He NEVER LEFT! Unbelievable!

evolution

The foundation we build our life upon inevitably shapes the way we view our world. I read an article today about a disovery made in Kenya. They found a human skull (homo erectus) in the same layer of earth that they have found other skulls (homo habilis) of apes. The Christian hears about this and immediately sees it as further proof of the almightly Creator God. The article I read today on cnn.com indicated quite the opposite. It is their position that this finding strengthens the case of evolution.
The things of God are foolishness to those who are perishing. The heart, the soul, the evidence, existence, everything points to a sovereign Creator God and yet those whose hearts are set agianst him will use anything they can to deny His existence. If God himself came down and they were able to view Him in all His glory, might they still turn away?

There is this song by Hillsong called and it says,
"In the middle of the world that denies it believes
It is breaking apart at the seems
There is one thing to be alive for
And it is to take up my cross and follow you Lord"

I bought a really nice laserjet printer on Saturday. Sent the rebate in so I could get half my money back. Spent two hours on Sunday trying to hook it up and when it wouldn't work called techinical support on Monday morning to see why. Turns out its not compatible with a Mac. I need the 1022, not the 1018. Come on world....CATCH UP!!!!!!! Mac is leaving you behind! I will sadly return the printer today.

a different kind of homeless

Seminary housing is not your middle/upper class suburb. In fact, it is nestled in a very rundown area of town. Less than a mile away from my apartment, at the end of our street there is a man who lives in a storage unit. Yes, you read it right, he lives there. Its not exceptionally large, one you could store your extra car in. It is actually rather small. At night he will have the door open and when you look in, it is packed high with his belongings and there is a space cleared out in the middle with a chair. He has a bike, that I assume he rides to work. Last night I drove by and he was there. He was sitting at the edge with the door open petting a stray cat, or maybe it was his cat...who knows. I was so intrigued, that as I turned down my street I looked back to take one last glance and ran my car up on the curb. Everything was fine and I felt like an idiot, but I wasn't staring that stare that made him out to be some kind of anamoly, like an odd zoo animal. I am not sure why, but I am very interested in that man's life. Where is he from? how did he get here? How long has he lived like that? Is that his preference? Where is his family? Does he have faith? He lives at the edge of seminary property and I wonder, how many, if any, believers have ever befriended him. I wonder if he knows Jesus. I wonder what he would say if we asked him over for dinner one night. My heart is burdened for him.

Desperate for all you are
I chase your heart
Find me here
Find me faithful
On my knees
Against the tide

Glorious Day

One day when heaven is filled with HIs praises
One daY when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
dwelt among men my example is He

living he loved me
dieing he saved me
buried he carried my sins far way
rising he justified
freely forever
one day He's coming
what a glorious day

One day they led Him up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish despised and rejected
bearing our sins my redeemer is He

One day the grave could conceal him no longer
one day the stone rolled away from the door
then he arose for death he had conquered
now he's ascended my Lord evermore.

Greatness

I recently dove into a must read. The Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster....AMAZING!!!! The most amazing chapter so far is the one on Submission...I know, crazy....who would have thought. It really strips every preconceived notion about the word submission away and replaces all the evangelical fluff with the true radical meaning of the word. Here is an excerpt...

"When Jesus gathered his disciples for the Last Supper they were having trouble deciding who was the greatest. This was no new issue for them. "And an agrument arose among them as to which of them was the greatest" (Lk 9:46) Whenever there is trouble over who is the greatest, there is trouble over who is the least. Most of us know we will never be the greatest; just don't let us be the least.
Gathered at the Passover feast the disciples were keenly aware that someone needed to wash the others' feet. The problem was that the only people who washed feet were the least. So there they sat, feet caked with dirt. No one wanted to be considered the least. Then Jesus took a towl and a basin and redefined greatness."

INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!

I finished one of the hardest jobs I have ever done, spent two weeks at "home" and now I am back in Texas. What a whirlwind. I am relieved for a break from massive amounts of responsibility. I am relieved to be in a place where i am not starting over, I am in a familiar place, with familiar people and another chance. Who knows what could happen this year. So much happened in the last one.

So much change....so little time to adjust. You just have to pick yourself up off the floor and keep moving.

I read this today...

"Not too long ago a priest told me he cancelled his subscription to the New York Times because he felt the endless stories of war, crime, power games anad political manipulation only distrubed his mind and heart and prevented him from mediation and prayer."

"That is a sad story because it suggests that only by denying the world can you live in it, that only by surrounding yourself by an artificial, self-induced quietude can you live a spiritual life. A real spiritual life does exactly theopposite: it makes us so alert and aware of the world around us, that all that is and happens becomes part of our cotemplation and meditation and invites us to a free and fearless response."
Reaching Out- Henri Nouwen

Marriage

My sister got married this weekend. It was one of those times that was so very serile for me. So many worlds collided in one weekend and I had trouble getting my head around what was happening. I am living in Fort Worth, but working at camp in Nashville, but I drove to Clemson where my whole family and many of my friends from college were waiting to watch my baby sister get married. It almost didn't seem real. I think it was good for me and I think in many ways God surfaced a lot of fears of mine and began to confront them right on the spot. I think I have this aversion towards marriage. I am terrified of it and yet on some level, in small moments desire it. When I dwell on the idea of it it makes me feel so uncomfortable and yet a part of me desires it. I have watched Lauren and Trey and seen the miracle He did in her life through that relationship. He used Trey to teach her that love was a good thing, that marriage (good marriage) was possible as well as proper. I have such a long way to go, so many fears to overcome and put aside. I do not want to wake up one day 10 years from now and realize how much I missed out on simply because I was fearful. That seems sad to me.
I love my sister and I am so happy for her and I only hope that one day I am as lucky as she!

Lessons

Life is funny. It seems at times its all about lessons, learning life lessons. It goes with the old adage, "You live and you learn." It seems unfair that most of the time the learning is found in retrospect rather than in the preface or the process. By the time the lessons are learned, the moment has passed. At the end of it all we will have learned millions of lessons, mostly from the things we did wrong, with little time left to apply what we've learned. It seems harsh at times. Most people would say its the experience that matters, that experience is the best teacher. And though I know in my heart this is true it doesn't make the most difficult of "experiences" any easier.

Life

Life is hard. Life is hard and I am exhausted!

Leadership

THis is the hardest job I have ever done! At the end of a week I am spent in every way possible. I have nothing left to give! I have realized just how tough it is to be a leader. Leadership is a reflection of who you are as a person. You are judged as a person based on how well you do your job as a leader. There is a lot of pressure wrapped up in that. It is a lonely job at times. I realized how great it is to simply be loved because of who you are. My roommate reminded me of this this weekend. It is so nice to be loved unconditionally simply for who you are and not because of what you do. This has not been a bad experience at all, just a difficult one. I am learning a lot. I miss Fort Worth and I miss my roommate!

my great friend!!!!!!!

I miss my best friend. I have had a lot of friendship in my life, but I do not think I have ever been as grateful for one as I am for this one. I am blessed beyond belief to know her, to get to live with her and to call her friend. I learn a lot about life and God from our relationship. She is coming to Nashville in 2 days and I am THRILLED!!!!!!!!!!!!! Life is so much better with friendships!!!!

I miss my Dad

I sat down at dinner tonight with this man and there was something sarile and familiar about him. I began to talk to him and his wife and soon realized what it was. They were a middle-aged couple maybe in their 50's. It hit me halfway through my dinner that this man reminded me of my Dad. They had so many similarities both in manerism and physcial appearance. He was a bigger guy with tan leathered-like skin. He had freckles and the same hair color as my Dad. He had a bald spot on the top of his head. The more I talked to this man the more it made me feel at home. In that moment I missed my Dad terribly. For the first time in a while I really MISSED him. I would give anything to be able to sit in front of my Dad and just talk to him. It is not a miss like, I haven't seen him in awhile and I would like to see him...it is a deep seeded, permanent miss. I saw that man later at worship and I could barely keep my tears down. he was sitting with his students in worship. It was a very sad moment for me.

Wiped out

I am not sure I have ever been so tired in my life. This job is the most mentally, emotionally taxing job I have ever done. I am glad I am here most of the time, but some days I wonder why God decided this would be a good idea. At the end of the day (which is always way later than it should be) I really have NOTHING left and maybe that is the way it is supposed to be. I don't know.

One Year

Anniversaries are always weird no matter what they are. It always seems that time flies and yet in some respects goes by so slowly. I can look back over a period of time and see how it went so quickly and yet at the same time feel that the start of it was years ago. Ya know? Time is just a weird deal. It is nearly impossible for me to believe that a year ago today my Dad's life ended. It is even weirder to know that I was in this exact same place when it happened, Nashville Tennessee, Belmont M-fuge. It feels like yesterday. It feels like a moment ago. In some ways it feels like right now. And yet SO MUCH has changed since then. That moment was a Catalyst for so many changes both good and bad. Life looked drastically different a year ago. Family looked drasitically different a year ago. I looked drastically different a year ago.

Time doesn't stop moving. It doesn't wait for you to be okay with the change it brings it just rolls over you as if you weren't even there. I know that God is doing things in me, but I still feel so many times as if I am carrying so many of my own burdens. I wish I was a person who could say, "Blessed be His name no matter what." This is just hard for me. I know that God is good and He is working all things for my good and His glory.

Back to Nashville

Back in Nashville friends for one more go around. I never would have imagined I would be here, Directing the thing I did as a student. I remember going to Centrifuge and idolizing the staffers, seeing their energy and thinking about how cool they were. I wanted to be them one day. Well, I have been them for several years now and now I am the person who is in charge of them. What a crazy and amazing ride. Fuge is just that thing for me that I stepped into and I just knew it was my place. I was made to do this and it has been an integral part of my spiritual growth for the last 5 years. I am now in one of those places where I just realize that it is impossible for me to do this job. I cannot do this job. I cannot Direct M-fuge Nashville. It is much bigger than me. 29 people between the ages of 20-30; 500-600 students and adults a week.
I am humbled and honored to have this opportunity. I dearly miss parts of my life in Fort Worth, namely my roommate. But I know that God has brought me here and I know that He has many things to teach me from this experience. So far it is going well. I am surrounded by an amazing team of servants and lovers of Jesus. We have one more week and then the kiddies come. Pray for me, for strength, for the leading of the Spirit, for my family. It is hard to believe that almost a year ago now my dad died. May 31st may be a very hard day. But God is good.

Gratitude

Its my last night at Southwestern for awhile and the one word that keeps coming to mind is...GRATITUDE! I can't get over how grateful I am for life, no matter how hard it is at times. I am utterly grateful for everything that I have been given because I came into this world with nothing. I have never deserved anything. And yet I feel like I have everything. I am perfectly loved by my family, by my roommate, by my Jesus!
Thank you Lord!

Heaven

I had my first massage today. It was quite possibly the most amazing experience ever. My roommate had talked a lot about how great they were and how she wanted another one and I had never been before, so I decided I would suprise her and we would go. It was money well spent. We did the hour long sweedish (just guessing the sweeds were an intrical part of its development) massage. I will admit it was akward and slightly uncomfortable at first. You know this random stranger rubbing on your unclothed back, but I got over that in the first 30 seconds of those 60 minutes. I then began to drool. I would reccommend this experience to anyone and everyone.

Urgency

It is only by the grace of God that I am what I am. All that I am not is afforded to His grace as well. This place, this year, this life, these experiences, God is using to show me just how close I am to self-destruction if not for His grace.
"For if every transgression and disobedience received its just punishment how wil we escape if we neglect such a great salvation?" Heb. 2:2-3.
I read this today and thought....what if only one of my transgressions received its just punishment?....I would be destroyed. If that is not a humbling thought I do not know what is. If that does not make a person urgent to take hold of their salvation I do not know what will.

Thoughts

At the Village Church last night Ben Stewart was preaching and if you can you should download the podcasts of him speaking the last 3 Sundays because it was AWESOME. It was about Jesus. It seems like that would be the obvious topic of discussion, but it isn't always. This was all about Jesus and it rocked! Last night he read from Colossians 3 and when it got the part about, "set your mind on things above" He said that spirituality begins in the mind. "What we think about we'll care about and what we care about, we'll chase." This is so very true. I know in my life it is.

The Church

Recently I was having a conversation with the college pastor I work for. He has a very northern, out-of-the-box mindset when it comes to church and Jesus, something I find refreshing at times. I was expressing my love for The Village Church and how it is a place I want to look into going. They have a rapid growing congregation and an excellent pastor, Matt Chandler. He, Vince, expressed some hesitation in my desire to go there. When I pressed him as to why he said, "I just think we really need to rethink church. He began to talk to me about the New Testament church, and the period of time between 100-200 AD and how it was the fastest growing time period for the church in all of history. They had no full bibles, no buildings, no lead pastors, no worship leaders, no programs and no heirarchy and when the church began to become insitutionalized, buildings were built (first around 250 AD) that rapdi growth was quenched. He asked, how much of the Village is unintentionally centered around Matt's ability to speak? How many of those members of the rapid growth are just people transfering from other local churches? What would happen if he were to leave? I was defensive at first and then he pointed me to this article and and a book he had read. I have not been able to stop thinking about this idea of church, what did Jesus establish it to be, what did that look like in the early church and how have we gotten it so far off track. I decided to do my systematic paper on the topic and I have been amazed at what I found. Here are some links and books if you are interested this is something very worth our time to research!
Leadership (Winter 2007)- We aren't about Weekends-http://www.ctlibrary.com/41509 (this is about a church 20 minutes from Forth Worth, I hope to visit it soon.
The Forgotten Ways- Alan Hirsch
From the Ground Up- Scott Horrell
The Problem with Wineskins of Today- Howard Snyder

We were talking in one of my classes today about affairs in marriage in how there is a myth that says affairs won't happen to growing Christians...This is what my professor said:
"Satan seeks to attack the credibility of the truth of the gospel."

Not a one of us are above any sin. We can at any time, if we let our guard down, be dragged away and enticed. I am beginning to fully grasp the Scriptures that say things like, "take hold of eternal life" "contend for the faith" "run with perseverance" "stand in it" "cling to what is good"

Kindness

"Therefore, anyone of you who judges is without excuse. For when you judge another, you condemn yourself, since you, the judge, do the same things. 2 We know that God's judgment on those who do such things is based on the truth. 3 Do you really think—anyone of you who judges those who do such things yet do the same—that you will escape God's judgment? 4 Or do you despise the riches of His kindness, restraint, and patience, not recognizing that God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?" Romans 2:1-4

When I judge others I condemn myself because the the very thing I condemn in them I am unable to keep myself. It is not our judgment that leads people to Jesus, but our kindness. It was the kindess and mercy of Jesus that led me to his feet. It is His kindness and mercy that continue to draw me back. Why do we judge? We do we not see that we are the very thing that we hate, the very thing that Jesus spoke so vehemently against? We miss it somehow don't we? We miss what its all about.

Prophecy

I had an interesting experience yesterday. I have never spent much time thinking about whether or not I believe in the gift of prophecy at this point in time. I hadn't encountered it in real life, until yesterday that is. I took some college students to a place called Beautiful Feet. It is an amazing ministry for Homeless people in Fort Worth and they actually have a church. we went to the service to basically hang out with people. It was by the way an amazing church! I sat behind an interesting lady, who was filled with passion and danced during the worship. After the service she turned to me and began telling me all these bizarre things...things about myself. She talked about my gifts, things she saw in me, things I had been praying for. She spoke about how hard I am on myself. I must have looked like someone shot me, because I know my mouth and eyes were wide open in shock. I am not sure how I feel about that experience other than the fact I had never experienced something like that before. I am still in some form of shock!

hostile gospel

I am interested in your thoughts on this so please post comments...
"After we had previosly suffered and been outrageoiusly treated in Phillippi, as ou know, we were emobldened by our God to speak the gospel of God in spite of great opposition." ! Thess. 2:2

Within the gospel of God there seems to be an element that, almost naturally, stirs up opposition and disdain in the soul of man. Why? Man angrily rejects the truth that a free gift has been granted him if only he would take it. What is it in us that makes us that way? Is it pride? Think deeper. What is it that rises up in man when the gospel is given as the truth?

If a man began on a road trip with abosolutely no destination and at some point during his trip he realized he must have a goal. He must at some point decide where he wants to go. Would he then become hostile when the desitnation was revealed to him? Would he reject the one who gave him directions? Is this the sel-made man, or the "nuclear man" as Nouwen called it? The man who makes his own life, his own destiny, even if in doing so he is conforming to one or the other already chosen for him?

Biggest Loser Update...

I'm down 7 lbs baby. Maybe its water, maybe its fat, maybe I'm a weight loss machine!!!! Either way the scale says i'm lighter and on my way to being $90 richer! Only problem is there is a month and a half left...YIKES!

A light dawns
And the darkness cannot consume
For the seeds of righteousness
Begin to bloom
In my heart
and in my soul
Speaking in me the truth
That God is in control.

To Him be the glory in my life as well as in my death!

The Biggest Loser

For some reason I agreed to do the Biggest Loser competition with two of my coworkers. Yesterday was our first day, so we weighed in (not a pretty thing). The competition ends on May 18th, our last day of work. I figure either way, whether I win the $90.00 pot or not, I am a winner. I have a good shot. I am facing two big guys. Right now this doesn't seem like so much fun, lots of excerise, little eating, I'll keep you posted on how its going.

my selfishness hates your selfishness

I witnessed this moment on my flight yesterday that I have been putting a lot of thought into. You know that moment, I mean the very second, the plane has finished taxing up to the gate and everyone shoots up out of their chairs like their seat is on fire? They all the sudden have to get off the plane or they just might die? It never happens that you can just get off, you have to wait till they open the door, but everyone will stand up and get their stuff ready, I guess to save a few seconds. Anyway, this lady two seats up from me shot up and looked at the guy in the row accross the aisle and said, almost panicked, "Excuse me, I need to get my bag down I have a plane to catch in 30 minutes." The guy quickly complied. I then heard a lady two seats behind me say outloud, "Like none of the rest of us do." She said it to no one in particular, but really to everyone around her as if she hoped to find support in her disdain for this first lady.
I started thinking about that situation and about selfishness. The second lady was calling the first lady out on her selfishness, on the world being centered around her needs, but why did the second lady care? It had nothing to do with her, so why did it seem to affect her so? Selfishness is funny like that. If I am not concerned about my own well-being (selflessness) someone's selfishenss has no impact on me. But when another's selfishness begins to rub up against mine, that is when that "second lady" comes out. The selfishness of others is a threat to my selfishness, it rubs against it and makes me say and think things like, "As if she's the only one, I have a plane to catch to." If I wasn't selfish, or so concerned about my needs, lady one's comment would evaporate in the air. I saw more of lady two in myself than I would have liked.

Know thy self

This has been a year of realization and revelation. It has been both painful and powerful, it has been a catalyst for change in my life and in my heart, moving me to places I never thought I would go, strengthing my character, refining my faith in the fire, making me into image of Christ.
Something that has occured to me recently is that it is impossible to know yourself outside the realm of community. They say you don't know someone until you live with them, well I would take it a step further to say you don't know yourself until you live with someone. Its the eyes of other people that see you more clearly than you could ever hope to see yourself that you begin to see things that you never knew existed, both good and bad. You learn so much about yourself when you have someone who knows what you're like when you wake up, when you go to sleep, when you eat your meals, when you've had a hard day, late at night, when you cry, when you're goofy, when you're frustrated, in your every little comings and goings, when you interact with the world around you, when you interact with Jesus....this is the person who knows you better than you know you.
If you are every lucky enough to have a friend/roommate combo like this, one who deeply cares about you as a person, you will begin to learn things about yourself that you never knew existed.
I am THANKFUL for my roommate. She has taught me so much about life, Jesus and myself. She reinforces the good in me I fail to notice and she tells me when I'm being an idiot and couldn't be more clueless. I think this is the definition of community, of brotherly love. My heart is filled with gratitude.

A new way to pee your pants

So, this is both really gross and really funny, enjoy! So today Trey and I were going to go to Walmart really quick and buy a wireless router for my mom. I had some gym shorts on my floor I had worn yesterday so I put them on real quick and we went out the door. Halfway to Walmart (a 15 minute drive) I smelled something funny....then I felt something wet. Not just anything...one of my shorts legs. Yep, doggie pee. SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trey laughed hysterically and said turn around....I was determined not to turn around, but I was severly grossed out the whole trip.; YUCKIE!!

Spring Break 07

I spent my spring break in San Antonio, Texas with 60 college students, 1 charter bus, 9 soaking wet tents and 5 days of non-stop rain. We worked with the homeless in the city. It was an amazing trip for so many different reasons. We stayed in this gorgeous camp ground called Paradise Canyon, set on the Medina River fed by natural hot springs and surrounded by a rock face canyon wall. The only problem was it started raining on our second day, flooded our tents and soaked all of stuff. So all 60 people moved into this small cabin we happened to rent out for the week on the land. I have never seen community build like I saw there, constant brushing up against people formed this amazing bond.
While we were there I started reading this book called The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. It is a autobiography of sorts of this guy is living out the Way of Jesus through his ministry to the poor. It is quite fascinated, convicting and down right disturbing. He is doing the very simple commandments in the bible in his daily life, the ones we like to idealize and never actually do, the ones we sit at Starbucks and discuss and never actually put into action. He says this about giving to charity,
"It is much more comfortable to depersonlize the poor so we don't feel responsible for the humna failure that results in someone sleeping on the street while people have spare bedorooms in thier homes. We can volunteer in a social program or distribute excess food and clothing thourh organizations and never have to open our homes, or beds, our dinner tables. I'm just not convinced Jesus is going to say, "When I was hungry you gave a check to the United Way and they fed me, or when I was naked you donated clothes to the Salvation Army and they clothed me." Jesus is not seeking distant acts of charity. He seeks concrete acts of love: "you fed me..you visted me in prison, you welcomed me into your home...you clothed me."
Very interesting...so am I, by blogging about this, being another detached Christian who loves to idealize the way of Jesus or am I seeking to change my very nature and act on what I know to be the command of Scripture?

Series of Scripture Part 2

"And the Word became FLESH, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14

The Word became flesh!!!!!!! Enough said! Thank you Jesus!

The odd fruit

I have recently seen this fruit everywhere, I have even eaten a few. I started thinking, "Why grapefruit?" I mean it isn't a grape, nor does it favor one in any form of fashion. It is also, not common to define a word with the word itself. Why add fruit to the end of name, isn't it obvious that is what it is?
It would be like naming a cucumber a "broccoli vegetable" instead of a cucumber and that is just absurd.
Any thoughts?

"There is nothing more ugly than an orthodoxy without understanding or without compassion."
Frances A. Schaeffer

A Series of Scripture

Chapter 1

"But in the past, when you didn't know God, you were enslaved to things that by nature are not gods. But now, since you know God, or rather have BECOME KNOWN BY GOD, how can you turn back agian to the WEAK and BANKRUPT elemental forces?"
Galatians 4:8-9

I love a few things about this passage of scripture. He is speaking to people who worship the law and refuse to leave it behind to embrace its fulfillment, the Christ. He says they are enslaved to things that are not even close to being gods. They are fully worshiping things that are lower in the creation order than they. I love Paul's description of those things, "Weak and Bankrupt." Its like he says, "These things have no power to save and no value whatsoever, in fact if you enslave yourself to them they'll take all you've got and leave you naked and lost.
Do not be overcome by the weak and bankrupt gods of your past and in this I am speaking to myself.

Growth

its been an interesting semester thus far. I have found myself nearly two months in wondering what I am doing here?....if I should be here?....what am I striving for?....Am I wasting my time? I think about Paul when he says that he doesn't beat the air aimlessly, he knew without a doubt what he wanted and what his goal was and all he did was for the purpose of that goal. Sometimes I feel like I'm beating the air, moving without thought or care, moving towards something all the while becoming nothing.
I met with the college pastor I work for this morning and I was voicing some of these things to him about my frustrations with seminary and wanting the degree, but feeling like I might be wasting my time and he said something that resonated with me. He said, "Well my reasons for going to seminary when I went were a little different. I didn't go to learn ministry, I went to grow in my faith and I got what I wanted and am all the better for it. He is a few hours shy of finishing his degree, but he has been doing ministry for a good while and he is changing lives. He is changing lives not because he went to seminary to prepare for ministry, but because he did what it took to grow in his salvation.
what if my mindset for all things in life was that....that no matter what I did it was a chance to grow in my faith. Examples: going places that make me uncomfortable, having challenging conversations. You know, even things you don't like to do. what if I approached my life that way? If I'm not getting something out of my current life its not the fault of my surroundings. Growth is not confined to circumstances, rather it is refined in circumstances.
Just some thoughts on my current place in life. There is more, so much more, but i have too much to do to share them now. Love to each of you!

It is amazing what nice weather can do for one' sense of morale!

So, more Fort Worth Randomness...
I drove by this sign yesterday of this little house that had just been turned into a beauty shop. The sign read,

"WANDO DO WONDERS beauty salon"

I'm thinking about going there to test out the slogan. You just never know!

sorry for the furlow...

I do believe that this is the longest that I have gone without writing. It makes me sad to because I love this outlet. Sorry to any of you who might have thought I fell off the face of the earth, although I sometimes feel as if that is what has happend as well. It is intersting because I feel like the last two months I have spent so much time thinking and yet not thinking at all and having nothing to post on here. Maybe its all just jumbled. I have had a harder time transitioning back into this life than I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, I love my job with the church and I love my middle schoolers (most days) and I love the things I am learning, but it all seems so fragmented, so heavy. I was at the middle school yesterday teaching my class how to cook mini pizzas and while we were waiting on them to cook I listened as they talked about all kinds of things (mostly things they should know nothing of) and I caught my self staring with my mouth open with absolutely nothing to say. I felt burnt out in that moment and kind of hopeless in that job as a ministry.
I read this this morning: Solomon is finishing up Ecclesiastes. This is the summation of all that he has learned from denying himself nothing. He says this:
"But beyond these, my son, be warned: there is no end to the making of many books, and much study wearies the body. When all has been heard,the conclusion of the matter is: fear God and keep His commands, because this is for all humanity." Ecc. 12:12-13

That really is all I want out of life...all else seems sort of like chaff that will blow away, excess baggage to be thrown off.

Its the little moments...

So, I am back to work at the Middle School. Back into the swing of working in the hood. I had the pleasure of witnessing one of those hysterical little moments that happen...ya know those little maybe 10 second humorous sights that you enjoy by yourself. I was walking down the hall and out of the bathroom comes this security guard lady (yes they have hardcore security guards there who do nothing really to make you feel secure) and I nodded. But when I did I looked down and she had LARGE sheets of toilet paper stuck to, not one, but BOTH of her shoes. She smiled and I held in my laughter and thought, "Man I'm glad I got to see that."

I then went into the bathroom and there was a sign on the wall that read...
"Please do not put paper towels in the TOLITES." -The Custodians
This got a little chuckle as well. Only at my school does the L come before the I.

Psalm 32

Quiet soul turn brittle bones
And er'e will be until we're home
Or till we purge the disease inside
The Genesis of all our sin, our pride.

Intern

So its official. I am the new college intern at Mckinney Memorial Bible Church in Forth Worth, Texas.
I have been working with their College Cru ministry on a volunteer basis for the last semester which has been great. I have formed a small group of girls and been meeting with them all semester. They are all great and have given me much joy. I am excited about what this semester is going to look like working with that ministry. I have wanted an opportunity like this for a long time and the fact that it is college ministry is perfect! To God be the glory!

The last night at home

It is here. It is my last night at home. It is my last night at home for a very long time and I must admit I am very sad. I did not think that I would be. I mean I love where I am in life. I love the world God has given me in Fort Worth. And Bishopville is dreadfully boring. I sit at home (and I mean sit cause I don't have a car, but I did walk to the dentist and the grocery store) from the time I wake up until around 6:00 at night when my mom gets home. But when I"m by myself, the time is pretty rich and when my mom gets home the time is pretty rich. I have prayed that God would push back the darkness that exists in my family and that He would use me where He saw fit to do it. He has been faithful in many ways. And I have seen His promises come true a little bit at a time.
I will be glad to go back, begin another semester, start work, continue to grow, but I will miss my home. I will miss my Mom. She is a miraculous woman.
Just as a side note, I found a very large frog in our den tonight. That type of thing doesn't happen in the city, although we have our fair share of creepy crawly things.

I was talking with Trey over the holidays about giving things up as a practice for discipline. We were brainstorming about things we could give up for 6 months. I found this article online today. A very interesting read. Check it out if you get a chance. Shopping Sabbatical

The Resolutions of Jonathan Edwards

I was looking today for a particular quote from Jonathan Edwards about a resolution he made towards his own death. Instead I found his document of 70 life resolutions. I am still pouring over the first few. These are deep and they are challenging. When all I can come up with is "eat better" these make me ashamed that I have so small a vision for the next 365 days. Read thoughtfully and enjoy!

THE RESOLUTIONS
of
Jonathan Edwards

BEING SENSIBLE THAT I AM UNABLE TO DO ANYTHING WITHOUT GOD' S HELP, I DO HUMBLY ENTREAT HIM BY HIS GRACE TO ENABLE ME TO KEEP THESE RESOLUTIONS, SO FAR AS THEY ARE AGREEABLE TO HIS WILL, FOR CHRIST' S SAKE.
Remember to read over these Resolutions once a week.

1. Resolved, that I will do whatsoever I think to be most to God' s glory, and my own good, profit and pleasure, in the whole of my duration, without any consideration of the time, whether now, or never so many myriads of ages hence. Resolved to do whatever I think to be my duty and most for the good and advantage of mankind in general. Resolved to do this, whatever difficulties I meet with, how many soever, and how great soever.

2. Resolved, to be continually endeavoring to find out some new contrivance and invention to promote the aforementioned things.

3. Resolved, if ever I shall fall and grow dull, so as to neglect to keep any part of these Resolutions, to repent of all I can remember, when I come to myself again.

4. Resolved, never to do any manner of thing, whether in soul or body, less or more, but what tends to the glory of God; nor be, nor suffer it, if I can avoid it.

5. Resolved, never to lose one moment of time; but improve it the most profitable way I possibly can.

6. Resolved, to live with all my might, while I do live.

7. Resolved, never to do anything, which I should be afraid to do, if it were the last hour of my life.

8. Resolved, to act, in all respects, both speaking and doing, as if nobody had been so vile as I, and as if I had committed the same sins, or had the same infirmities or failings as others; and that I will let the knowledge of their failings promote nothing but shame in myself, and prove only an occasion of my confessing my own sins and misery to God. July 30.

9. Resolved, to think much on all occasions of my own dying, and of the common circumstances which attend death.

10. Resolved, when I feel pain, to think of the pains of martyrdom, and of hell.

11. Resolved, when I think of any theorem in divinity to be solved, immediately to do what I can towards solving it, if circumstances do not hinder.

12. Resolved, if I take delight in it as a gratification of pride, or vanity, or on any such account, immediately to throw it by.

13. Resolved, to be endeavoring to find out fit objects of charity and liberality.

14. Resolved, never to do any thing out of revenge.

15. Resolved, never to suffer the least motions of anger towards irrational beings.

16. Resolved, never to speak evil of anyone, so that it shall tend to his dishonor, more or less, upon no account except for some real good.

17. Resolved, that I will live so, as I shall wish I had done when I come to die.

18. Resolved, to live so, at all times, as I think is best in my devout frames, and when I have clearest notions of things of the gospel, and another world.

19. Resolved, never to do any thing, which I should be afraid to do, if I expected it would not be above an hour, before I should hear the last trump.

20. Resolved, to maintain the strictest temperance, in eating and drinking.

21. Resolved, never to do any thing, which if I should see in another, I should count a just occasion to despise him for, or to think any way the more meanly of him. (Resolutions 1 through 21 written in one setting in New Haven in 1722)

22. Resolved, to endeavor to obtain for myself as much happiness, in the other world, as I possibly can, with all the power, might, vigor, and vehemence, yea violence, I am capable of, or can bring myself to exert, in any way that can be thought of.

23. Resolved, frequently to take some deliberate action, which seems most unlikely to be done, for the glory of God, and trace it back to the original intention, designs and ends of it; and if I find it not to be for God' s glory, to repute it as a breach of the 4th Resolution.

24. Resolved, whenever I do any conspicuously evil action, to trace it back, till I come to the original cause; and then, both carefully endeavor to do so no more, and to fight and pray with all my might against the original of it.

25. Resolved, to examine carefully, and constantly, what that one thing in me is, which causes me in the least to doubt of the love of God; and to direct all my forces against it.

26. Resolved, to cast away such things, as I find do abate my assurance.

27. Resolved, never willfully to omit any thing, except the omission be for the glory of God; and frequently to examine my omissions.

28. Resolved, to study the Scriptures so steadily, constantly and frequently, as that I may find, and plainly perceive myself to grow in the knowledge of the same.

29. Resolved, never to count that a prayer, nor to let that pass as a prayer, nor that as a petition of a prayer, which is so made, that I cannot hope that God will answer it; nor that as a confession, which I cannot hope God will accept.

30. Resolved, to strive to my utmost every week to be brought higher in religion, and to a higher exercise of grace, than I was the week before.

31. Resolved, never to say any thing at all against any body, but when it is perfectly agreeable to the highest degree of Christian honor, and of love to mankind, agreeable to the lowest humility, and sense of my own faults and failings, and agreeable to the golden rule; often, when I have said anything against anyone, to bring it to, and try it strictly by the test of this Resolution.

32. Resolved, to be strictly and firmly faithful to my trust, that that, in Proverbs 20:6,‹A faithful man who can find?Š may not be partly fulfilled in me.

33. Resolved, to do always, what I can towards making, maintaining, and preserving peace, when it can be done without overbalancing detriment in other respects. Dec. 26, 1722.

34. Resolved, in narrations never to speak any thing but the pure and simple verity.

35. Resolved, whenever I so much question whether I have done my duty, as that my quiet and calm is thereby disturbed, to set it down, and also how the question was resolved. Dec. 18, 1722.

36. Resolved, never to speak evil of any, except I have some particular good call for it. Dec. 19, 1722.

37. Resolved, to inquire every night, as I am going to bed, wherein I have been negligent,- what sin I have committed,-and wherein I have denied myself;-also at the end of every week, month and year. Dec. 22 and 26, 1722.

38. Resolved, never to speak anything that is ridiculous, sportive, or matter of laughter on the Lord' s day. Sabbath evening, Dec. 23, 1722.

39. Resolved, never to do any thing of which I so much question the lawfulness of, as that I intend, at the same time, to consider and examine afterwards, whether it be lawful or not; unless I as much question the lawfulness of the omission.

40. Resolved, to inquire every night, before I go to bed, whether I have acted in the best way I possibly could, with respect to eating and drinking. Jan. 7, 1723.

41. Resolved, to ask myself, at the end of every day, week, month and year, wherein I could possibly, in any respect, have done better. Jan. 11, 1723.

42. Resolved, frequently to renew the dedication of myself to God, which was made at my baptism; which I solemnly renewed, when I was received into the communion of the church; and which I have solemnly re-made this twelfth day of January, 1722-23.

43. Resolved, never, henceforward, till I die, to act as if I were any way my own, but entirely and altogether God' s; agreeable to what is to be found in Saturday, January 12, 1723.

44. Resolved, that no other end but religion, shall have any influence at all on any of my actions; and that no action shall be, in the least circumstance, any otherwise than the religious end will carry it. January 12, 1723.

45. Resolved, never to allow any pleasure or grief, joy or sorrow, nor any affection at all, nor any degree of affection, nor any circumstance relating to it, but what helps religion. Jan. 12 and 13, 1723.

46. Resolved, never to allow the least measure of any fretting uneasiness at my father or mother. Resolved to suffer no effects of it, so much as in the least alteration of speech, or motion of my eye: and to be especially careful of it with respect to any of our family.

47. Resolved, to endeavor, to my utmost, to deny whatever is not most agreeable to a good, and universally sweet and benevolent, quiet, peaceable, contented and easy, compassionate and generous, humble and meek, submissive and obliging, diligent and industrious, charitable and even, patient, moderate, forgiving and sincere temper; and to do at all times, what such a temper would lead me to; and to examine strictly, at the end of every week, whether I have done so. Sabbath morning. May 5, 1723.

48. Resolved, constantly, with the utmost niceness and diligence, and the strictest scrutiny, to be looking into the state of my soul, that I may know whether I have truly an interest in Christ or not; that when I come to die, I may not have any negligence respecting this to repent of. May 26, 1723.

49. Resolved, that this never shall be, if I can help it.

50. Resolved, I will act so as I think I shall judge would have been best, and most prudent, when I come into the future world. July 5, 1723.

51. Resolved, that I will act so, in every respect, as I think I shall wish I had done, if I should at last be damned. July 8, 1723.

52. I frequently hear persons in old age, say how they would live, if they were to live their lives over again: Resolved, that I will live just so as I can think I shall wish I had done, supposing I live to old age. July 8, 1723.

53. Resolved, to improve every opportunity, when I am in the best and happiest frame of mind, to cast and venture my soul on the Lord Jesus Christ, to trust and confide in him, and consecrate myself wholly to him; that from this I may have assurance of my safety, knowing that I confide in my Redeemer. July 8, 1723.

54. Whenever I hear anything spoken in conversation of any person, if I think it would be praiseworthy in me, Resolved to endeavor to imitate it. July 8, 1723.

55. Resolved, to endeavor to my utmost to act as I can think I should do, if, I had already seen the happiness of heaven, and hell torments. July 8, 1723.

56. Resolved, never to give over, nor in the least to slacken, my fight with my corruptions, however unsuccessful I may be.

57. Resolved, when I fear misfortunes and adversities, to examine whether I have done my duty, and resolve to do it, and let the event be just as providence orders it. I will as far as I can, be concerned about nothing but my duty, and my sin. June 9, and July 13 1723.

58. Resolved, not only to refrain from an air of dislike, fretfulness, and anger in conversation, but to exhibit an air of love, cheerfulness and benignity. May 27, and July 13, 1723.

59. Resolved, when I am most conscious of provocations to ill nature and anger, that I will strive most to feel and act good-naturedly; yea, at such times, to manifest good nature, though I think that in other respects it would be disadvantageous, and so as would be imprudent at other times. May 12, July 11, and July 13.

60. Resolved, whenever my feelings begin to appear in the least out of order, when I am conscious of the least uneasiness within, or the least irregularity without, I will then subject myself to the strictest examination. July 4, and 13, 1723.

61. Resolved, that I will not give way to that listlessness which I find unbends and relaxes my mind from being fully and fixedly set on religion, whatever excuse I may have for it-that what my listlessness inclines me to do, is best to be done, etc. May 21, and July 13, 1723.

62. Resolved, never to do anything but duty, and then according to Ephesians 6:6-8, to do it willingly and cheerfully as unto the Lord, and not to man:‹knowing that whatever good thing any man doth, the same shall he receive of the Lord.Š June 25 and July 13, 1723.

63. On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. January 14 and July 13, 1723.

64. Resolved, when I find those ‹groanings which cannot be utteredŠ (Romans 8:26), of which the Apostle speaks, and those‹breakings of soul for the longing it hath,Š of which the Psalmist speaks, Psalm 119:20, that I will promote them to the utmost of my power, and that I will not be weary of earnestly endeavoring to vent my desires, nor of the repetitions of such earnestness. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

65. Resolved, very much to exercise myself in this, all my life long, viz. with the greatest openness, of which I am capable of, to declare my ways to God, and lay open my soul to him: all my sins, temptations, difficulties, sorrows, fears, hopes, desires, and every thing, and every circumstance; according to Dr. Manton' s 27th Sermon on Psalm 119. July 26, and Aug.10 1723.

66. Resolved, that I will endeavor always to keep a benign aspect, and air of acting and speaking in all places, and in all companies, except it should so happen that duty requires otherwise.

67. Resolved, after afflictions, to inquire, what I am the better for them, what am I the better for them, and what I might have got by them.

68. Resolved, to confess frankly to myself all that which I find in myself, either infirmity or sin; and, if it be what concerns religion, also to confess the whole case to God, and implore needed help. July 23, and August 10, 1723.

69. Resolved, always to do that, which I shall wish I had done when I see others do it. August 11, 1723.

70. Let there be something of benevolence, in all that I speak. August 17, 1723.

Trophies

The bible speaks quite point blank on the issue of empty pursuit and how it became the main focal point of all humanity at the fall of man, where we exchanged the Creator for created things. It is no secret that we are in love with the things of the earth. Simply drive through the area of Suburban Atlanta and you will see the amassing of earthly treasure in the form of the biggest houses, if they can be called that, I have ever seen. As a human race we live like this is it man, "Get yours while you can cause this is as good as it gets."
Why the soapbox on earthly treasure you may ask? I got interested in it today when my mom and I began cleaning out our attic. An hour turned into a few hours and by the end of it we had taken an entire truck load of junk to the Salvation army and another load to the dump. I sat up there going through "stuff" (I mean if its in the attic, where I never get stuff down do I really need it?) and I just had to laugh. There was a box full of trophies that caught my attention and all I could hear was the scripture in my head...
"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal."
Matthew 6:19
These trophies were my dad's and some of my brother's from little league. They were just collecting dust in an attic. I have this line of trophies on my shelf and this other line hanging on my wall from high school athletics and academics and I remember how proud I was of getting them and how good it made me feel about myself. I had worked hard and someone had noticed. They mattered so much at the time. I realized today how futile that is. My trophies, like my father's, will one day be looked at in an old dusty attic and tossed out.
King Solomon talks about this the most when he sets out to do this experiment under the sun. Much can be learned from his toil documented in Ecclesiastes. Why do we fill our lives with useless trinkets?

My good friend David Baker got married tonight. This time last year we were in Europe together, freezing our badonkers off and teasing him because he had liked Sara forever and just started dating her the day we left. We were gone for a month. They dated for around 7 months, got engaged in August and married tonight. It never ceases to amaze me how fast things change.
I sat at a table tonight with 3 married couples, all good friends of mine from college. Most of the time I think very little about the idea of marriage and simply enjoy my independence. It is moments like tonight that make me excited about one day being married. Its about stability, having a number one, being somebody's number one...who doesn't want that in their life? We were designed for it, meant for it and because of that we crave it. One day. Who knows who it will be.

Oh Holy Night

Sometimes I become discouraged when I survey the world and all I can see seems to be the negative, the sad, the overwhelming feeling that something has gone terribly wrong and that Christianity is becoming more and more scarce. The month leading up to Christmas is a good example of this. But other times, times like tonight, Christmas Eve, when houses are lit up and driveways are filled with cars and people are laughing and catching up and giving gifts (some wanted...some that will be regiven or returned) it occurs to me the great impact that the birth of Jesus has made on the world. I know that many things about Christmas have evolved to a point where Christ isn't even a thought, but the simple fact that this holiday exists, where much of the world stops to celebrate the greatest gift humanity has ever been given, blows my mind. The coming of Jesus to earth has impacted us all more than most of us even realize. He is woven into the very fabric of the universe.
Praise God for the giving of His only Son, so that we have confidence that He has already defeated the darkness, even if the darkness is sometimes still a very real reality!

I discovered something today that would make Christmas time a little more jolly...Christmastree stands that were not impossible to use! I know that the simple solution is a fake tree and yes, we have one of those. But really, how hard can it be to make a stand that holds a tree without an hour worth of fighting, an electric saw and a pile of fallen needles.

From an airplane window at night, a city looks like a ginormous Light Bright board. Do you remember Light Brights?

I loved Light Bright

One Semester Down

There are these strong points of reflection at different times of the year that almost bid you to stop and survey all that has happened. I have finished my first semester at Southwestern Seminary in Fort Worth, Texas...Unbelievable. Who would ever thought I would have been in Fort Worth, Texas at Southwestern Seminary?...Some people still do not know that is where I am. I never would have dreamed that is where I would be and yet I cannot imagine myself anywhere else. It amazes me that the place I didn't want to be has become the only place I want to be (for now at least) and I was so close to being somewhere else. I could spend days writing about all the things I have learned since I have been there and all the things I am thankful for about being there. I will only list a few...
*I am thankful for the school; one of the few institutions left that believes the inerrancy of Scripture
*I am thankful for my roommate; a gift that was just handed to me and has been such a blessing
*I am thankful for my friends; a random assortment of people who really love Jesus
*I have learned so much about myself; the good, bad and ugly
*I have learned so much about life and the truth of life in Jesus
*I am thankful for my ministry; both with my middle school job and my college-intern job
*I am thankful for the life that God is waking up inside of me

For now I am glad to be home...sitting in my den in South Carolina with my dogs and my sleeping Mom.

Peace

calmer than the sky
far away so blue
land of living God
grant your peace on earth
we can feel you move
and cannot stay the same
the winds are blowing strong
God of heaven come
(chorus:)
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
so we might breathe you deep
breathe peace
breathe your peace on us
land of the living God
if we are in the way
move us to the side
God forgive our wrongs
rest your hands on us
all the world is yours
let us not forget
it was you who bore the cross
God of comfort breathe
(chorus) - Robbie Seay Band

The Tipping Point

I have a new must read recommendation. I'm not even kiddint. It's called The Tipping Point. It is a book by a guy named Malcolm Gladwell who has studied the idea of trends and social epedimics. This book is unbelievable! But if you read it, do not simply apply the principles to the business world, the ideas in this book reach far beyond that. Find yourself using these principles in the context of the church or a ministry. Man, such a great book!

Neat Christian boys

I was listening to another Matt Chandler sermon today and so many times he just slips in a little word about something and it will penetrate so deep. He was making a little aside that had little to do with the bulk of his sermon, but he began addressing the single ladies in the crowd about the massive influence that their future husbands would have on their children's spiritual life. And he urged us to be patient and then said this, "There are a lot of 'neat' Christian boys out there, but so few godly men." And I thought man, that is so true, but it is true for girls as well. Christian culture has its own "cool" sect that operates under the same rules as the world. There are loads of "neat, trendy, hip, attractive, Christian guys" who haven't the first thought of what it means to be a man of God. They don't pray. They don't seek. They don't study. They don't do all things or much of anything to the glory of God. They don't stand for what is right and lead with no compromise. They don't impact the world around them. They don't love unconditionally and serve those in need. They strut around with the trendy covered bible and band boy t-shirts.
Now before you think I am simply bashing the male species let me say that when I heard this truth in the sermon I immediately thought, "Lord, do not let me be simply a neat Christian girl! I want to be a godly woman!" Let what defines me be a heart consumed by the love of Jesus and a life marked by obedience to the Holy Spirit!

There is an incredible church near Ft. Worth named the Village with an incredible pastor named Matt Chandler. I cannot begin to explain the impact that his preaching has made on me. I literlly listened to 15 of his sermons (which are long, normally about 45 mintues at least) over Thanksgiving. He made this statement recently and it has stayed in the forefront of my mind...

"The distance between all that you hate and all that you are, is smaller than anyone wants to admit."

Unbelievable~ and so so true!

1 Corinthians 15

50 I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. 51Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed— 52in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. 53For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality. 54When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory."
55"Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?" 56The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Its snowing!

Yesterday it was 80 degrees outside and today its snowing....yep folks that white stuff is snow! No school or work....yipee!

This is a tri-plex.....my tri-plex

Sad day to be a Tiger...

Its a sad day for Tiger fans everywhere. Oh well... I spent quality time with some of this world's greatest people and at the end of the day thats all that really matters anway. Football is (if you really think about it) a ridiculous man made thing anyway.

Happy Thanksgiving

Some things I am thankful for.
1. Life...it is hard, but its worth the breathing
2. Salvation through Jesus Christ
3. My family
4. Education- Clemson University- my favorite place on earth; SWBTS- You have been a blessing
5. Health- I realize this is out of my hands; I take this for granted often
6. God's hand of protection on my life in every way
7. Friendships- those relationships that make you feel like you're home
8. The Written Word of God leading, teacthing and rebuking me for my guidance and His glory

The list is endless...

A good family friend died yesterday. She was 28, mother of a 5 year old daughter. I went to church with her forever. She played piano and her and her husband both helped in the youth group and have both extensively battled cancer. He can barely speak because of his cancer and her's finally overtook her. It makes my heart so sad. They just never got a break and it just makes me wonder ya know? Is this life worth it? We are about to go the wake. I wonder how that family will celebrate Thanksgiving. I wonder how I will celebrate Thanksgiving this year.
Man, I am so thankful for so many things. I am thankful for life and health and my family. All these things are given to us, they are not ours, let us not deceive ourselves into thinking we have control over anything because we do not. Every minute is one to be embraced, cherished, thankful for. Lord, help me be thankful! Lord, help me live and walk in your truth and your promises and not waste a moment of this life chasing after the wrong voices. Comfort that family as only you can.

2006

What a year. If someone had laid out my life in 2006 before me last Christmas I would have watched it all play out in disbelief. I can say with absolute certainty that this has been the year that has marked me more than all others past. I have been reflecting over this year's events and I have to convince myself that all of it did unfold in just a year's time. Many things have ended and many things are just beginning.
There are many things that mark the end of childhood, but you don't notice they've come until they've past. The realization of Santa as a myth, however seemingly menial, is still nevertheless one. An empty house is another. No more toys. No more bright colors or big messes. An empty dishwasher, refrigerator and laundry basket. Not just the ending of highschool and graduation from college, but the begining of Graduate school halfway across the country. And more than all of these the beginning of new family marks the end of childhood. My baby sister is engaged to an incredible guy and so begins a new family. I watched it happen from a back room and was overwhelmed at the distance our lives had already traveled. As that ring slipped on her finger and I waved goodbye to my baby sister I also bid farewell to a piece of myself, my childhood.
Growing up is by no means over you simply don't realize what you hold in your hand until it has changed or passed or finished. I can't explain it I just know that life is taking one of its inevitable turns.

We're getting there

I am home. Home in the house that has always been and will always be, HOME. It has changed and it continues to change as time passes, but it is still home. I was riding with my mom up to Clemson yesterday and we were talking about something random. She paused and then as if a postlude to the conversation quietly said, "We're getting there." I don't remember what it was in reference to, but I looked up and through a cloudy sky there was an endless line of large rays of sunshine breaking through hitting the ground. It was one of those moments...ya know? You could see each individual ray coming through the darkness and illuminating the ground in front and I just repeated to myself, "We're getting there."

Nuggets of gold!

Tonight I went to a chinese restuarant with my friends Whit and Brady. It was buffet style and I got my plate and started loading up. Towards the end I looked down and low and behold under a shining light with angel music playing all around was a big dish of CORN NUGGETS!!!! That's right! You read it right. Good ole' corn nuggets. It was liking being back at PAWS diner in Tiger town....accept it wasn't...it was in a chinese restuarant....in Ft. Worth....called Bamboo something. Little nuggets of gold..thats what they are! This will be appreciated most by my good friends Mark and Katie! Comin' home soon guys, real soon
! in a little over a day!

Man, I have become a slacker here on this. I should have so much to write about because so much new is happening. I am growing, more and more I am finding. I am thankful, oh so thankful that I came here. Yes, it is frustrating at times and yes it is a VERY conservative school (women shouldn't work, etc.) but foundation is what I needed. I had no idea how unstable I was, or I had become before being here. I was so independent from God. I really operated out of my own sense of ability and confidence because I felt so on top at Clemson. And then so many areas of my life fell apart...loss, sadness, death...and I needed this experience, this place, this school to keep me firm. Now, many things are a daily struggle. I get sad and I miss home, but I am thankful for this experience and I cannot believe my first semester is nearly over.
God is shaping me for something unique. He always has been. My heart breaks for those around me who will not keep the faith, both those who don't know and those who know, but turn away. Lord, don't let me end up like them, disqualified at the end. We press in and we press on. We daily choose to believe that the way of Jesus is truth and we stand firm in that faith.

As sure as the sun awakens the dawn
And the wind blows against my back
Somthing is birthing inside of me...
A seed has been planted
And a vision is coming to life

No I am not pregnant...geez people! God is real and He is preparing the Way.

lyrics that blow me away...

What can i do with my obsession
With the things i cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You

And i'm so filthy with my sin
i carry pride like a disease
You know i'm stubborn, Lord, and i'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than i know
And i feel lonely without hope
And i feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

my love for You
my heart for You
my life for You
all i have for You

A new slue of wonders

So, I have been discussing this for days with my coworkers and thought it blog worthy. Many of you may know this and some of you may not, but I think it is fairly fascinating. They, and I am at a loss for who they is and how they get permission to do this, are choosing 7 new wonders of the world. These aren't the natural wonders like the Grand Canyon and what not, they are simply redefining the Ancient wonders. YOU can actually go online and vote for them yourself. Choose wisely though, because it could be another 2000 years before this is done again!
7 New Wonders

I have to repeat to myself over and over...
"Apart from Him not one thing was created that has been created. Life was in Him and that life is the light of men!" John 1

For your dining pleasure...

I saw this sign yesterday while driving to play football:

SEAFOOD
COMBO
(A picture of a shrimp would be inserted here)
CHINESE FOOD

Alternate readings for this sign could be:

THAT'S THE GROSSEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD
OR
MSG
AND
DISEASES OF THE SEA

The Man from Jordan

I flew back to Ft. Worth on Monday morning. I got placed on this small little jet 3 seats wide. My seat mate was an elderly man from Jordan. He had lived most of his life in Texas, but had retained his thick Middle Eastern accent. This encounter was God ordained. We talked for 2 out of the 3 hours about Christianity. He is not a Christian, but wants to learn about it. Every possible topic that could have come up in an evangelistic conversation (which is what it was, it wasn’t an argument, just a conversation) did come up. This man is wise and yet open. He simply doesn’t see why it has to be Jesus. He is comfortable with the fact that he is a moral man and his faith rests in Civil law, the Constitution and government. He sees Christianity as a good thing, in that it established civility in people and though he believes Christ really lived, civil law was his only purpose, lowering him to prophetic or “good man” status.
This man shared all of what he thought with me, and I with him. I am not discouraged. It was a great conversation and I pray that this man would see from the life of a child that Christ is so much more.
I was reading in Romans 3 this morning and this is what God showed me:

We are justified through faith in the death of Christ Jesus. We uphold the law through faith in the life of Christ Jesus. This man on the plane asked me, “Why does it have to be Christ?” This is the answer. The answer is found not simply in the life of a good man (like the basis of most other religions) and its not found simply in the martyrdom of one man (if this was the case Jesus would have no need to live a full life on earth, he would have just come and died). It has to be Jesus. He is the WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE. The WAY he lived out his life, revealing to us the TRUTH about the way things are and granting us LIFE through his death

Home

My mom and beautiful sister
I have been in Texas for nearly 3 months and I went home for the first time this weekend. I spent Friday through Monday in Clemson. It is a true statement that home is where the heart is, not in a cheasy door hanger kind of way, but in a real and familiar sort of way. There is something about the familiar that breaths life into us and allows us the luxury of breathing out deeply.

I was reminded of so many things.

I spent time with or at least saw everyone I could have possibly wanted to see...
Sitting beside my Mom at the game...Much meaningful time with my beautiful sister and Trey...Icecream with my good friend Mark...Breakfast with Jenn...Quality time with Focker at non other than Mcdonalds...catching up with Justin Brock...random fun with Sherman...Pomping the float with people younger than me...tailgating with the Brothel girls in celebration of Carla's soon to be matrimony...tailgating with my girls Beth, Jenny and Focker and their families...hugging Katie Hogue...talking with Sarah, Sandy and Stephanie just like old times...standing with Jennifer now Foster wrapped around my neck and screaming in my ear...seeing one of my students from the summer....fellowshiping at my church DCF through worship and a friendly kickball match...you name it...I did it...and it surely blessed me.

I miss community, my community. It was a truly amazing weekend!

Pictures from the weekend

I have some really great friends that I have made here. We went to the Texas A&M game this weekend and I thourougly enjoyed myself...it was a small precursor to what next weekend is going to be like when I make my way back to Clemson Homecoming. Woo Hoo
This is my roommate!!
Me and Willis
Willis, me, Melanie and Brady
Me and Brady the man!

Things I have learned since coming to Ft. Worth...

1. The grass is greener on the other side.....total lie, its not green on any side.
2. Hispanics always have the right of way
3. Anything goes in a Tortilla
4. "G" is not just a letter of the alphabet. It is actually a state of being.
5. Beauty school haircuts are cheap...for a reason
6. Cowboy hats are not just "a trend"
7. Yard sales are a Hispanic profession
8. Fall is a mere figment of my imagination
9. The dinosaurs have ancestors...the Armadillo and the Hornytoad
10. The Alamo really was a big deal


And to think...I"ve only been here 2 months. Stay tuned for more!

Too long

Hmm. Its been too long. It feels like years since I have written on here. It feels as if a years worth of events have unfolded in my world and the world around me in that time. The phrase that keeps ringing in my ear comes from a David Crowder song and I know I have posted on this before, but it says, "I feel the depth of our fall and the weight of it all." Man I love life, but life is heavy. LIfe is hard. Life is not what it was intended to be. That saddens my heart when I think about, that this wasn't supposed to be like this. We must pray for each other. We just can't make it on our own.

On a lighter note, chapel today was led by the Korean student fellowship and if you didn't know Southwestern is 40% yes, 40 % Korean. Its crazy. Well the Korean praise band led the music and all I could think about the whole time was the scene in the movie "A Christmas Story" in the Chinese restuarant and the guys are singing, "Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra." And the guy goes, "No, its la la la." It made me laugh. But jokes aside, they led the best music we have had in chapel all year. Chapel music is not a Southwesten high point for me. Bring it on Koreans. I'll worship with you anytime!

Broken cisterns

Jeremiah was called out of the territory of Benjamin and given a message from the Lord to take to the people of Israel. In a nutshell God says to him, "I chose you! I set you apart! I appointed you!" Jeremiah protests on the grounds that he is not skilled enough and only a youth. But God says (again in a nutshell), "This is not about you and your skill. You will go where I SEND YOU and speak whatever I TELL YOU TO!" God says through Jeremiah, "My people have exchanged their Glory (My glory) for useless idols. Be horrified at this, heavens; be shocked and appalled. This is what the LORD says. For My people have commited a double evil: They have abandoned Me, the fountain of living water, and dug cisterns for themselves, cracked cisterns that cannot hold water."
My heart breaks when I read this because I know I am exactly like the ones Jeremiah was speaking to. I am so full of holes. I am leaking out every good thing that is in me because I constantly dig for myself broken cisterns. I am never full. I am never satisfied because I know all too well the pattern of life the Israelites followed. Broken cisterns, brokeness. When will I ever get it? When will we ever get it?

in your eyes

If it is true that they eyes are the window to the soul, I feel as if other people's eyes are the window to mine. I see something in somebody else that I don't like, something that rubs me the wrong way and all too soon I realize it is not them at all, but rather my own ugliness staring back at me. C.S. Lewis says, "We frequently see things in other people we don't like about ourselves."
You can tell a lot about a person by looking in their eyes or noticing whether they look into yours. I know, somewhat, what they reveal to me. I often wonder what they reveal about me to the world.

It is a true statement that man's heart is evil before redemption of Christ. I heard a speaker a few days ago and he said, "It is never the case that something comes out of the mouth that is not in the heart." Now, I will preface this with the fact that I love my job. I love that I get to go in to a place void of the love of Jesus and bring it there, walk in it, live it out. I love my kids. They misbehave like its there job, but I love them still. The one thing that is so hard for me to watch day in and day it, the one question that weighs on my heart everyday as I leave that place is, "Why do we hate each other so much?" Why are we so mean to each for every thing. We rip each other apart in every way that is humanly possible as if our survival depended on it. Appearence, personality, weight, speech, everything is a target for ridicule. I had a real honest moment with two of my students on Friday. They are two girls who stick together ALL THE TIME! BFF's would be a good term for it. They whisper to each other and make fun of everyone. I heard them say a bunch of stuff about somebody and finally I went up to them and asked, "What do you gain from constantly tearing other people down?" They weren't phased by the question. This is the least favorite part of my job, watching this happen. It is one thing to watch someone's sin tear up their own life, yet is seems to be something different from watching one person's sin tear up another person. I often think that if I only knew then what I know now, I would have been so different.

the next step

"What if this next step, this leap of blind faith, this starting all over on your own, was the begining of the rest of your life? What if that is exactly where you find your life."

I'll admit, I may seem as if I have it together, that I am okay with move and change and shifting paradigms, but that is not always the case. This decision, this move to Texas, this massive change of all I know has been the hardest step I have ever taken. I was spending time with one of my favorite people in the world back in May (When I was headed to either Denver or Seattle for school) and I was unreservedly expressing my fear of this next step and she said those words above to me. A.J. maybe this is where the rest of your life begins! I have held on to those words tightly. I have clung to them when things have been tough. Focker, you are a very wise woman and I am so proud to call you sister!
When I first got here I found myself looking around saying, "How am I supposed to find life here? Even the grass is dead and crunchy." But slowly, God has been doing something. He has been bringing me back to life. I had no idea how dead I had gotten, how numb, how selfish. God help me if I had gone to one of those other schools. Without fail, everytime I have a bad day here, something happens to encourage me, to make me so, "Okay, I can do this. I can stay." Job offers, scholarships, opportunities, all of it is coming at me and I'm not really sure why. I don't feel like I have done anything to deserve a blessing in a really long time. I am reminded in those moments that God is leading my life. His word says, "Many are a plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." I get the feeling more and more that being here is a huge part of the rest of my life and I am learning to trust that the One who created me can carry me.

Something I read...

I read this today in a book speaking about suffering and how it forms us. I found it rather intriguing and hit me that in the middle of my own suffering God may just be working out something in me to mature me.

"It would seem that in this situation, feelings of malice, the disturbance of being opressed, aimless hate, irritability, and nervousness ought to mulitply. But you yourself do not notice how, with the impalable flow of time, slavery nurtures in you the shoots of contradictory feelings...
Formerly you never forgave anyone. You judged people without mercy. And you praised people with equal lack of moderation. And now an understanding mildness has become the basis of your uncategorical judgements. You have ocme to realize your own weakness- and you can therefore understand the weaknesses of others...your soul, which formerly was dry, now ripens from suffering."
"Suffering is preparation for ministry in a world of suffering."

i have so much to work on, so much needs to change...

gain in loss

use me, break me, waste me on You, Lord
ruin me, take me, waste me on You
for to die is to live...
to starve is to feast
and less of me is more of Jesus

there is power in the blood
there is victory in Jesus
come in power, wash me clean
overwhelm me with Your presence
there is power in the blood
there is victory in Jesus
help me glory in the cross
help me find my gain in loss

I was listening to this song this morning as I got ready for school. It was one of those mornings that just started slow and less than mediocre. The music was simply in the background and I happened to catch that last line, "help me find my gain in loss." It stopped me in my tracks. I am not there yet. I am nowhere close to being okay with all that I have lost, but that isn't what it is supposed to do. It is simply a prayer asking God to help me get to that place where I consider all loss gain, outside of Christ.

Oh Back to School

So, I have a job now. I am the newest teacher for the after school program at Morningside Middle school. Crazy. I am in the heart of the ghetto teaching everyday for 3 hours. It is a neat program really. I get to teach two classes of my choosing and develop my own curriculum. I am doing one on Creativity/Photography and the other one is a Survivor type theme. It will be about the outdoors and survival. It should be interesting. I have been working for a week here and love it so far. The kids are hard, but they are fun. I really hope that God uses me in huge ways here to impact the lives of these students. They dont' have much and they don't have Jesus.
I am sure I will have many exciting stories coming from here to post and share with you. Look foward to that!

A prayer

When we pray for each other (and we should! it is a sin to not and I am the greatest of these sinners) we should pray this passage. What is point of friendship if this is not our deep desire for those we name as such. Love is not love unless it is wanting what is best for the other person and what is best for a person is for them to want Christ more than they want anything!
Lord help me be this type of friend, help me with all your strength pour out this type of transforming love through prayer!

Prayer for Spiritual Growth

9 For this reason also, since the day we heard this, we haven't stopped praying for you. We are asking (A) that you may be filled with the knowledge (B) of His will (C) in all wisdom and spiritual understanding, 10 so that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing [to Him], bearing fruit in every good work (D) and growing in the knowledge of God. (E) 11 May you be strengthened (F) with all power, (G) according to His glorious (H) might, for all endurance and patience, with joy 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has enabled you [a] to share in the saints' [b] inheritance in the light. (I) 13 He has rescued (J) us from the domain of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom (K) of the Son (L) He loves, (M) 14 in whom we have redemption, [c] the forgiveness of sins.

Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out

Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out
-Hillsong United

Do you ever, in some moments more than others, just feel the depth and weight of The Fall? It is almost overwhelming at times, the sense that at some point we had something, something very significant and then all the sudden it was gone.

You might be at seminary if...

You know you're in seminary when...You sneeze and the whole class stops just to say "Bless you."

I sneezed last night in my class and a chorus of bless you's arose from around the room, all of them turning to look at me as they said it. This was a stout reminder I was no longer at a public university. However brief, it was a rather odd experience.

I am going to start making a list of these, sort of like you might be a redneck ifs. There are things everyday that happen that remind me this is no ordinary place.